Customer: “How much are these tomatoes?”
Owner: “Ninety-nine cents a pound.”
Customer: “What? The stand down the road only charges seventy-nine cents a pound!”
Owner: “Then why don’t you shop there?”
Customer: “They don’t have any today.”
Owner: “Well, when I don’t have any I charge seventy-nine cents, too!”
One Liner
It’s weird being the same age as old people.
Today we REMEMBER and HONOR all the men and women who died serving in the US military!
“But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.” Isaiah 53:5
We enter into this weekend remembering the pain and suffering of the cross, and all that Jesus endured so we could be set free. He paid the price to offer us the gift of eternal life.
Let us never take for granted this sacrificial gift of love on our behalf. Forgive us for being too busy, or distracted by other things, to not fully recognize what He freely gave for us. It is by your wounds we are healed.
Sin and death have been conquered.
And eternal life is ours forever!
Thank you Jesus!
A guy hears a knock at the door.
He opens it up to find a snail. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street.
Five years go by.
One day he hears a knock on the door and opens it to see a snail.
The snail says, “What the heck was that about?!”
One Liner
I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
CHRISTMAS IQ TEST
Find your Christmas IQ, and forward to friends and family so they can find theirs! No cheating! (That’s not the Christmas spirit! But the answers are at the bottom
) May these precious moments put more sock in your stocking, more egg in your nog, and more curl in your bow…
Each answer is a title from a famous Christmas song:
1. A dude made of Frozen Water named for Wendy’s dessert drink (10 points)
2. Why Rudolph can’t get insurance (10 points)
3. Globalizing dishwashing detergent (10 points)
4. He who doesn’t talk at the Round Table (10 points)
5. Southern ladies in AARP (10 points)
Bonus: The song of septuplets (25 points)
ANSWERS:
1. A dude made of Frozen Water named for Wendy’s dessert drink: “Frosty the Snowman” (10 points)
2. Why Rudolph can’t get insurance: “Grandma Got Runover By a Reindeer” (10 points)
3. Globalizing dishwashing detergent: “Joy to the World!” (10 points)
4. He who doesn’t talk at the Round Table: “Silent Night (Knight!)” (10 points)
5. Southern ladies in AARP: “Silver Bells (Belles!)” (10 points)
BONUS: The song of septuplets: “What Child is this?” (25 points)
=======================================
TOTAL SCORE
75 points = Some would say you’re a Christmas genius. Others would say you really need to get a life.
50 65 points = You probably cheated…but hey, way to go. You must really like “The Far Side”
30 40 points = Good job. Your Christmas I.Q. is way above average.
10 20 points = You’re normal. Be grateful.
0 points = Thanks for playing. Try again next year…
One Liner
If your grandma got run over by a reindeer, you may be entitled to compensation.
After breakfast one day, I eagerly waited for John to comment on my first attempt at homemade cinnamon rolls.
After several minutes with no reaction, I asked, “If I baked these commercially, how much do you think I could get for one of them?”
Without looking up from his newspaper John replied, “About 10 years.”
One Liner
Middle Age: When a broad mind and a narrow waist change places.
O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! Psalm 8:9
Celebrate that Christ has come.
Not to a mansion, but a manger.
Not to the high and mighty, but to the guys on the lowest rung of the spiritual ladder.
And celebrate that God’s grace finds you wherever you are this Christmas and
shows you the way upwards to the arms of the Almighty God!
JESUS IS BORN !!
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