The Fatherhood Cycle

4 years: “My Daddy can do anything.”

7 years: “My Dad knows a lot, a whole lot.”

12 years: “Oh, well – naturally – Father doesn’t know that either.”

14 years: “Father? Hopelessly old-fashioned.”

21 years: “Oh, that man is so out-of-date. What did you expect?”

25 years: “He knows a little bit about it – but not much.”

30 years: “Maybe we ought to find out what Dad thinks.”

35 years: “Let’s ask Dad what he would do before we make a decision.”

40 years: “I wonder what Dad would have thought about that? He was pretty smart.”

50 years: “My Dad knew absolutely everything.”

60 years: “I’d give anything if Dad were here so I could talk this over with him. I really miss that man.”

One Liner
I dedicate this show to my daad who was a roofer … so dad if you are up there … – Stewart Francis

Thought for the day
“Watch out that no bitterness takes root among you . . . it causes deep trouble, hurting many in their spiritual lives” Hebrews 12:15

Job refused to become bitter and resentful. Bitterness prolongs pain. It doesn’t relieve it; it only reinforces it.

Little Johnny and his friend Billy were on their very first train ride, with Billy’s mother.

A vendor came down the corridor selling a candy bar that neither had ever seen before.

Billy’s mom bought each one of them a bar.

Little Johnny eagerly tore open the wrapper and bit a bit off into his mouth just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across at

Billy and said: “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”

“Why not?” asked Billy.

Little Johnny replied, “I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”

One Liner
“As a child, I was the kind my mother wouldn’t let me play with.”

Thought for the day
He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me” (Psalm 18:19 NIV).

God expands the possibilities for your life because he delights in you. He doesn’t just love you; he finds joy in you!

A married couple trying to live up to a snobbish lifestyle went to a party. The conversation turned to Mozart. “Absolutely brilliant, magnificent, a genius!”

The woman, wanting to join in the conversation, remarked casually, “Ah, Mozart. You’re so right. I love him. Only this morning I saw him getting on the No. 5 bus going to Coney Island.”

There was a sudden hush, and everyone looked at her. Her husband was mortified. He pulled her away and whispered, “We’re leaving right now. Get your coat and let’s get out of here.”

As they drove home, he kept muttering to himself. Finally his wife turned to him. “You’re angry about something.”

“Oh really? You noticed?” he sneered. “I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life! You saw Mozart take the No. 5 bus to Coney Island? Your crazy! Don’t you know the No. 5 bus doesn’t go out to Coney Island?”

One Liner
I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

Thought for the day
In every place of worship, I want men to pray with holy hands lifted up to God, free from anger and controversy. I Timothy 2:8
 
Some of the men argued when they should have been praying.  Let us lift up holy hands to almighty God in praise and worship!

Our seven-year-old daughter was thrilled when we took her to Disney World for the first time, and she headed straight for Space Mountain.

I worried that the roller coaster would be too scary for her, but she insisted.

To her delight, we rode it twice.

The next year we returned to the Magic Kingdom, and my daughter, now eight, again dragged me to Space Mountain.

As we stood in line, though, I could see her soberly studying the signs that warn about the ride’s speed.

“Dad,” she said, “I don’t think I want to go.”

I asked her why she would be nervous when she had enjoyed herself last time. She replied, “This year I can read.”

One Liner
I have a super power. I can read my own thoughts.

Thought for the day
Honor the Lord with your possessions and with the first produce of your entire harvest; then your barns will be completely filled, and your vats will overflow with new wine. Proverbs 3:9-10 (HCSB)

The purpose of tithing is to teach us to always put God first in our lives. God doesn’t need our money.  He wants what it represents: our gratitude, our priorities and our faith.

THE SENILITY PRAYER :

Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
The eyesight to tell the difference.

One LINER
~ Laughter is like changing a baby’s diaper: It doesn’t permanently solve any problems, but it makes things more acceptable for awhile.

Thought for the day
“I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for” (Jeremiah 29:11 MSG).

If you try to play God, attempting to control everything and everyone around you, depression will eventually catch up with you.

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define “great,” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream in disbelief, cry in despair, howl in pain, and vent their anger in ways they’ve never dreamed of!”

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

One LINER
“I don’t make jokes, “Will Rogers once said truthfully. “I just watch the government and report the facts.”

Thought for the day
“Who is this King of glory? The LORD strong and mighty, the LORD mighty in battle. Who is he, this King of glory? The LORD Almighty–he is the King of glory” (Psalm 24:8, 10 NIV).

Gratitude is one gauge that measures our dependence on God. The more dependent we are, the more grateful we become.

A small boy is sent to bed by his mother…

[Five minutes later]

“Mom…”

“What?”

“I’m thirsty. Can you bring me a glass of water?”

“No. You had your chance. Lights out.”

[Five minutes later]

“Mom…”

“WHAT?”

“I’m THIRSTY…Can I have a glass of water??”

“I told you NO! If you ask again I’ll have to spank you!!”

[Five minutes later]

“Mommm…”

“WHAT??!!”

“When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a glass of water?”

One Liner
Parents often talk about the younger generations as if they didn’t have anything to do with it.

Thought for the day
Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:4 (NIV)

Each one of us needs other people to watch out for us – to defend us, protect us, and help us stay on track. In the book of Philippians, the apostle Paul tells us that we should look out for each other’s interests, not just our own

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.

“You’re running around with other women,” she charged.

“You’re being unreasonable,” Adam responded. “You’re the only woman on earth.”

The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest.

It was Eve. “What do you think you’re doing?” Adam demanded.

“Counting your ribs,” said Eve.

One Liner
How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

Thought for the day
Know the state of your flocks, and put your heart into caring for your herds, for riches don’t last forever …. Proverbs 27:23-24a (NLT)

If you spent as much time writing down your finances as you do worrying about them, you’d probably have a lot less to worry about. You need to keep good records if you want God’s blessing on your finances.

Seven Stages of Sickness for Married Couples

1ST YEAR: The husband says, “Oh, sweetie pie, I’m really worried about those nasty sniffles you have! There’s no telling what that could turn into with all the strep that’s been going around. I’m going to take you right down to the hospital and have you admitted for a couple days of rest. I know the food is lousy there, so I’m going to bring you some takeout from Tosini’s. I’ve already arranged it with the head nurse.”

2ND YEAR: “Listen, honey, I don’t like the sound of that cough. I called the doc and he’s going to stop by here and take a look at you. Why don’t you just go on to bed and get the rest you need?”

3RD YEAR: “Maybe you better go lie down, darling. When you feel lousy you need the rest. I’ll bring you something–do we have any canned soup around here?”

4TH YEAR: “No sense wearing yourself out when you’re under the weather. When you finish those dishes and the kids’ baths and get them to bed, you ought to go to bed yourself!”

5TH YEAR: “Why don’t you take a couple aspirin?”

6TH YEAR: “You oughta go gargle or something, instead of sitting around barking like a dog!”

7TH YEAR: “For Pete’s sake, stop sneezing. Are you trying to give me pneumonia? You’d better pick up some tissues while you’re at the store.”

One LINER
If we were put on this earth to help others, what are the others here for?

Thought for the day
These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.  Mark 7:6

There should be no shortcuts when serving God but, your strict established routine is un-acceptable if you have a hard heart that cares only about the process.

A preacher was making his rounds to his parishioners on a bicycle, when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower. “How much do you want for the mower?” asked the preacher.

“I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle,” said the little boy.

After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, “Will you take my bike in trade for it?”

The little boy asked if he could try it out first, and, after riding the bike around a little while, said, “Mister, you’ve got yourself a deal.”

The preacher took the mower and began to try to crank it.  He pulled on the rope a few times with no response from the mower.  The preacher called the little boy over and said, “I can’t get this mower to start.”

The little boy said, “That’s because you have to cuss at it to get it started.”

The preacher said, “I’m a minister, and I can’t cuss. It’s been so long since I’ve been saved that I don’t even remember how to cuss.”

The little boy looked at him happily and said, “Just keep pulling on that string.  It’ll come back to ya.”

One LINER
Called my stockbroker this morning and asked him what I should be buying? He said, “Canned goods and ammunition

Thought for the day
“Your true life is not made up of the things you own, no matter how rich you may be” (Luke 12:15 TEV).

Your real life is not about what you own.