Two hunters got lost in the woods. The first hunter said, “Don’t worry. All we have to do is shoot into the air three times, stay where we are, and someone will find us.”

So they shot in the air three times, but no one came. After a while, they tried it again; still no response.

Finally the second hunter said, “I suppose we can try again, but it better work this time. We’re down to our last three arrows.”

One Liner
“Be different: conform.”

Thought for the day
You can’t succeed in life until you change your attitude about the work you are doing right now. Romans 12:11 says, “Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically” (NLT).

The Smiths were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. Their line had included senators, pastors, and Wall Street wizards. 
 
Now they decided to compile a family history, a legacy for the children. They hired a fine author. Only one problem arose: how to handle that great-uncle who was executed in the electric chair. The author said not to worry, that he could handle that section of history tactfully.
 
When the book appeared, the family turned to the section on Uncle George. There they read, “George Smith occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution and was attached to his position by the strongest of ties. His death came as a real shock.”

One Liner
Today I can whine because I have to go to work or… I can shout for joy because I have a job to do.

Thought for the day
Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6 (NIV)

Jesus is able to set us free from the lies of the enemy, but this means we must believe God’s Word, Jesus, the Truth himself. We must remember always that the Truth is a person, and so our relationship to the truth is just that—a relationship with God’s own Truth, the only begotten Son, the author and perfector of our faith.

DEFINITION OF OUTDOOR BARBECUING

When a man volunteers to do barbecue cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion:

1) The woman goes to the store. 

2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert. 

3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill. 

4) The man places the meat on the grill. 

5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables. 

6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. 

7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman. 

8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table. 

9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. 

10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed “her night off.” And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women. 

One LINER
Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?

Thought for the day 
“I hope you will be patient with me ….” (2 Corinthians 11:1a, NLT)
God is very patient and His mercy endures for ever! 

Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it.
 
“When did you first notice the leak?” the repairman inquired.
 
Mr. Gable scowled, “Last night, when it took me two hours to finish my soup!”

One Liner
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.

Thought for the day
Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (NIV).

It doesn’t say that all things are good, because all things are not good.  But God says he will work good out of the bad things in life if you will trust him.

One Liner
George Washington is the only president who didn’t blame the previous administration for his troubles.

Thought for the day
Psalm 146:3-10
Put not your trust in princes,
    in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation.
⁴ When his breath departs, he returns to the earth;
    on that very day his plans perish.

⁵ Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob,
    whose hope is in the Lord his God,
⁶ who made heaven and earth,
    the sea, and all that is in them,
who keeps faith forever;
⁷     who executes justice for the oppressed,
    who gives food to the hungry.

The Lord sets the prisoners free;
⁸     the Lord opens the eyes of the blind.
The Lord lifts up those who are bowed down;
    the Lord loves the righteous.
⁹ The Lord watches over the sojourners;
    he upholds the widow and the fatherless,
    but the way of the wicked he brings to ruin.

¹⁰ The Lord will reign forever,
    your God, O Zion, to all generations.
Praise the Lord!

One Liner
The problem with political jokes is they get elected. —Henry Cate, VII

Thought for the day
Choose for your tribes wise, understanding, and experienced men, and I will appoint them as your heads.’ Deuteronomy 1:13