Teacher: Donald, how do you spell crocodile?

Donald: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L

Teacher: No, that’s incorrect.

Donald: Maybe it is, but you asked me how I spell it.

One Liner
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.

Thought for the day
All of you together are Christ’s body, and each one of you is a separate and necessary part of it. 1 Corinthians 12:27 (NLT)

One reason you need to be connected to a church family is to fulfill your calling to serve other believers in practical ways.

A man, submitting information to his income tax preparer, was asked how many dependents he had.

“Eight,” he replied.

The preparer asked, “Would you mind repeating that?”

The man replied, “Not if I can help it.”

One Liner
Some minds are like concrete–all mixed up and permanently set.

Thought for the day
“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it”. (Psalms 139:13-14 NLT)

The Bible says you were prescribed before birth. God knew what you would be like. He chose you, and he chose your characteristics. This means you are unique. There is only one you. There is nobody else who could be you. If you don’t be you, who is going to be you? You are irreplaceable.

A gentleman entered a busy florist shop that displayed a large sign that read, “Say It With Flowers.”

“Please wrap up one rose,” he told the florist.

“Only one?” the florist asked.

“Just one,” the customer replied. “I’m a man of few words.”

One Liner
I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.”

Thought for the day
“It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you.” (Proverbs 29:25a TEV)

If you constantly worry about what other people think, then you’re caught in an emotional trap. You don’t have to please everybody any more than you can please everybody. It’s a myth to think that in order to be happy, you must be liked and approved of by everyone you meet. It’s just not true.

One day I called a number and asked to speak with Mr. Morgan. The woman who answered explained that he no longer lived at that address, but she did have a number where he could be reached.

I thanked her, rang that number, and was greeted with, “Good morning, Highland View Cemetery.”

One Liner
If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

Thought for the day
Joy is our birthright from the Holy Spirit. It comes from being connected to God. Galatians 5:22 tells us that the fruit of the Holy Spirit is “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (NIV).

That verse doesn’t say that joy is available for only those whose natural personality lends itself easily to feelings of joy. No, it implies that joy is available for all who are in Christ Jesus and whose lives are full of the Holy Spirit.

“Oh, no!” he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 50 years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived he did not know.

He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Danny kept him from turning and fleeing the scene. He took a deep breath and proceeded.

Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly. “Danny! Danny!” he whispered to himself. He tripped and almost fell several times. He heard someone, or something, move. At least he thought he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his head and felt his gut tighten.

He couldn’t understand how this could have happened. There was some light but not enough to see very much. Something cold and wet brushed against his hand. He jerked it away.

In desperation, he took another step then cried out, “Danny!

From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he heard his son. “Yes, Dad,” he said, in a voice so weak it could hardly be heard.

“It’s time to get up and get ready for school,” the man sighed, “and, for heaven’s sake, clean up this room!”

One Liner
Hyperbole is a billion times worse than exaggerating.

Thought for the day
David wrote in Psalm 119:72, “The law that you gave means more to me than all the money in the world” (GNB). When you understand how important and how valuable God’s Word is, you’ll get serious about memorizing significant portions of it.

Two kids are talking to each other. One says, “I’m really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I’m worried sick!”

The other kid says, “What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you’ve got it made!”

The first kid says, “What if they try to escape?”

One Liner
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.

Thought for the day
The Bible says, “Whoever can be trusted with a little can also be trusted with a lot. If you cannot be trusted with things that belong to someone else, who will give you things of your own?” (Luke 16:10a, 12 NCV)

Kids respond to responsibility. Having talked to many parents over the years and seen this in my own life, I believe that it’s far better to err on the side of giving too much responsibility than not trusting your kids enough. They’re going to make mistakes either way! Your goal is to produce a person who walks not just under his own self control but also under God’s control.

An airhead went to Florida to go to Disney World.

On the way, he saw a sign that said “Disney World Left.”

So he went home.

One Liner
I don’t know how to act my age. I’ve never been this age before.

Thought for the day
Luke 12:15, Jesus said, “Life is not measured by how much one owns” (NCV). Don’t confuse your net worth with your self worth. They are totally unrelated. Don’t confuse your possessions with your position in Christ and your purpose. Don’t confuse what you’re living on with what you’re living for.