CONFUCIUS SAYS…..

“Man who run in front of car get tired”
“Man who run behind car get exhausted”
“Two wrongs not make a right – Three lefts do”
“Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.”
“War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.”
“Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!”
“Man who sit on tack get point!”
“Man who lives in glass house should change in basement”

One Liner
I’m sorry the resurrection of Jesus was a miracle and not a service of this cemetery

Thought for the day
“If you keep yourself pure, you will be a special utensil for honorable use. Your life will be clean, and you will be ready for the Master to use you for every good work.” (2 Timothy 2:21 NLT)

God uses all kinds of vessels — big vessels and little vessels, ornate vessels and plain vessels, very expensive ones and very ordinary ones. But there is one thing God will not use: a dirty vessel. So if you’re going to be used by God, you have to do some cleanup.

A young man was sitting next to me in one of the two “husband chairs” in a ladies’ clothing store.

After 30 minutes and five outfits, the fellow’s wife came out of the changing room again.

He looked at her and immediately said: “That looks good on you. Get that one.”

“Honey,” she replied, “this is what I was wearing when we came in.”

One Liner
“Invent a wise saying and live forever!” – Anonymous

Thought for the day
“I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can’t, and life can’t. The angels can’t, and the demons can’t. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can’t keep God’s love away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38-39 NLT).

Anyone who has accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior has no reason to be insecure. God will never stop loving you; he will never reject you. You may lose the things you have in this world, but you will never lose the salvation God has given to you.

“How did you lose your job at the dress shop?” a woman asked her friend.

“Well, after trying on about 25 dresses, the customer said to me, ‘I think I’d look nicer in something flowing.'”

“How did that get you fired?” she asked

I suggested, “How about the Mississippi?”

One Liner
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Thought for the day
“If we confess our sins to God, he will keep his promise and do right: he will forgive us our sins and purify us from all our wrongdoing” (1 John 1:9 TEV).

How do you do that? You do it through confession. Augustine said, “The confession of bad works is the beginning of good works.”

PRISON LIFE VS FULL-TIME JOB

In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8′ X 10′ cell.
At work you spend most of your time in a 6′ X 8′ cubicle.

In prison you get three meals a day.
At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one.

In prison you get time off for good behavior.
At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.

In prison you can watch TV and play games.
At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere.
At work you are just ball-and-chained.

In prison you get your own toilet.
At work you have to share.

In prison they allow your family and friends to visit.
At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends.

In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required.
At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.

In prison you can join many programs which you can leave at any time.
At work there are some programs you can never get out of.

In prison there are wardens.
At work there are managers.

Famous Last Words (part 1)

“Are you sure the power is off?”
“Don’t be so superstitious.”
“He’s probably just hibernating.”
“I can do that with my eyes closed.”
“I wonder where the mother bear is?”
“I’ll get a world record for this.”
“I’ll hold it and you light the fuse.”
“And that one over there, the red flashing one, what does that mean?”
“I’m making a citizen’s arrest.”
“It’s fireproof.”
“It’s strong enough for both of us.”
“I’ve done this before.”

One Liner
“Money isn’t everything – just look at Henry Ford with all those millions and he never owned a Cadillac!”

Thought for the day
The Bible explains the root of evil: “This is the crisis we’re in: God’s light streamed into the world, but men and women everywhere ran for the darkness … because they were not really interested in pleasing God” (John 3:19, Message). We’re far more interested in pleasing ourselves than we are in pleasing the one who made us.