A grandmother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter playing “wedding.”

The wedding vows went like this:
“You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride.”

One Liner
“Knock knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Goliath.”
“Goliath who?”
“Goliath down, you looketh tired.”

Thought for the day
“The Lord is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does” Psalm 145:17

The width of God’s love extends across the entire world and includes everyone he has created.

Two elderly, excited Southern women were sitting together in the front pew of church listening to a fiery preacher.

When this preacher condemned the sin of stealing, these two ladies cried out at the tops of their lungs, “AMEN, BROTHER!”

When the preacher condemned the sin of lust, they yelled again, “PREACH IT, REVEREND!”

And when the preacher condemned the sin of lying, they jumped to their feet and screamed, “RIGHT ON, BROTHER!

TELL IT LIKE IT IS…AMEN!”

But when the preacher condemned the sin of gossip, the two got very quiet. One turned to the other and said, “He’s quit preaching and now he’s meddlin’.”

One Liner
How can someone “draw a blank”?

Thought for the day
“This means tremendous joy to you, I know, even though you are temporarily harassed by all kinds of trials and temptations. This is no accident—it happens to prove your faith, which is infinitely more valuable than gold . . .” 1 Peter 1:6-7

“When we finally come to a place where the difficulties become so bad, where we’ve reached our limit, where we’ve tried everything and exhausted all our options, it is then that God begins a mighty work through us.“

A wife and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor’s dog. It has been in the next door backyard barking for hours and hours.

The husband jumps up out of bed and says, “I’ve had enough of this” and goes downstairs.

The husband finally comes back up to bed and his wife says, “Honey, the dog is still barking. What have you been doing?”

The husband says, “I put the dog in our backyard, let’s see how THEY like it!”

One Liner
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Thought for the day
It is not that we think we are qualified to do anything on our own. Our qualification comes from God. 2 Corinthians 3:5

A.W. Tozer said, “The reason why many are still troubled, still seeking, still making little forward progress is because they haven’t yet come to the end of themselves. We’re still trying to give orders, and interfering with God’s work within us.”

An enthusiastic mom attended her son’s first Little League game.

Her boy was pitching, and she cheered as he threw wild pitch after wild pitch. The poor kid walked every batter. It was only the first inning, and the score was 14-0. Then one batter finally smacked the ball.

“Oh, no!” the mom wailed. “There goes his no-hitter!”

One Liner
I try to take one day at a time but sometimes several days attack me at once.

Thought for the day
Don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed.” James 1:4

Be patient with God and with yourself. One of life’s frustrations is that God’s timetable is rarely the same as ours. We are often in a hurry when God isn’t. You may feel frustrated with the seemingly slow progress you’re making in life.

The little old couple walked slowly into McDonald’s that cold winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly at them.

You could tell what the admirers were thinking: “Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!”

The little old man walked right up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal. The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray. There was one hamburger, one order of french fries and one drink.

The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. Then he carefully counted out the french fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.

As the man began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the crowd began to get restless. Again you could tell what they were thinking: “That poor old couple. All they can afford is one meal for the two of them.” As the man began to eat his french fries one young man stood and came over to the old couple’s table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple to eat. The old man replied that they were just fine. They were used to sharing everything.

Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady hadn’t eaten a bite. She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy them something to eat. The man again explained that no, they were used to sharing everything together.

As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer. Again he came over to their table and offered to buy some food. After being politely refused again, he finally asked a question of the little old lady: “Ma’am, why aren’t you eating? You said that you share everything. What is it that you are waiting for?”

She answered, “The teeth.”

One Liner
I always put off procrastinating as long as I can.

Thought for the day
Though he was God, he did not demand and cling to his rights as God, but laid aside his mighty power and glory, taking the disguise of a slave and becoming like men. Philippians 2:6-7

We were designed to worship something, and when we fail to worship God, we create gods (idols) to surrender ourselves to. E. Stanley Jones said, “If you don’t surrender to Christ, you surrender to chaos.”

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five- and six-year-olds.

After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”

Without missing a beat, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

One Liner
Before entering a battle of wits, check your ammunition.

Thought for the day
It was by faith that Noah built a large boat to save his family from the flood. He obeyed God, who warned him about things that had never happened before. Hebrews 11:7a

The Bible tells us that Noah listened to God. And what did he hear?  He heard God’s warning that the world was going to be destroyed.  He heard what he had not yet seen. That’s what faith is, being certain of something we don’t see.