Monthly Archives: October 2017
Humor – October 6
A blind man sat on the steps of a public building with a hat by his feet. He had propped up a sign nearby which said, “I am blind, please help.”
There were only a few coins in the hat. A man walking by took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the sign, turned it around, and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words.
Soon the hat began to fill up. A lot more people were giving money to the blind man.
That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came by to see how things were doing. The blind man recognized his voice and asked, “Did you change my sign this morning?” “What did you write?”
The man said, “I only wrote the truth. I said what you said but in a different way.”
He had written, “Today is a beautiful day and I cannot see it.”
Moral of the Story: Be thankful for what you have. Be creative. Be innovative. Think differently and positively. When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.
One Liner
You can buy friendship with friendship, but never with dollars.
Thought for the day
Matthew 24:35, “Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away”
The only item on the planet that will last is the Word of God. Everything else will burn up, because truth is eternal.
Humor – October 5
During a Christian conference, I worked late on the worship PowerPoint slides. Please note that the “d” and “f” keys are next to each other on the keyboard and spell checkers do not catch the wrong word in context. The following morning as we were leading worship, the congregation sang “Lord you are more precious than silver. Lord you are more costly than…” and everyone broke into laughter. The slide said “Lord you are more costly than GOLF.”
One Liner
Our newspaper carried the notice last week that Mr. Oscar Hoffnagle is a defective on the police force. This was a typographical error. Mr. Hoffnagle is, of course, a detective on the police farce.
Thought for the day
“The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty” Proverbs 21:5
Having a quiet time is like many other activities you might do in life — in at least one respect. To be successful, it helps to have a plan.
Humor – October 4
After shopping at a busy store, another woman and I happened to leave at the same time, only to be faced with the daunting task of finding our cars in the crowded expanse of the parking lot. Just then my car horn beeped, and I was able to locate my vehicle easily. Wow,” the woman said. “I sure could use a gadget like that to help me find my car.”
“Actually,” I replied, “that’s my husband behind the wheel.”
One Liner
It was incorrectly reported last Friday that today is T-shirt Appreciation Day. In fact, it is actually Teacher Appreciation Day.
Thought for the day
“Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of your law” (Psalm 119:18 ESV).
Studying God’s Word will change your life if you put what you learn in practice — but it all starts with your willingness to study his Word.
Humor – October 3
A recent bride called her mother one evening in tears. “Oh, Mom, I tried to make Grandmother’s meat loaf for dinner tonight, and it’s just awful! I followed the recipe exactly, and I know I have the recipe right because it’s the one you gave me. But it just didn’t come out right, and I’m so upset. I wanted this to be so special for George because he loves meat loaf. What could have gone wrong?”
Her mother replied soothingly, “Well, dear, let’s go through the recipe. You read it out loud and tell me exactly what you did at each step, and together we’ll figure it out.”
“OK,” the bride sniffled. “Well, it starts out, ‘Take fifty cents worth of ground beef’ …”
One Liner
“Vegetarian – that’s an old Indian word meaning ‘lousy hunter.'” – Andy Rooney
Thought for the day
Joshua 1:8 says, “Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful”
So according to God, you have to meditate on his Word if you want to be successful.
Humor – October 2
A tired minister was at home resting, and through the window he saw a woman approaching his door. She was one of those too-talkative people, and he was not anxious to talk with her. He said to his wife, “I’ll just duck upstairs and wait until she goes away.”
An hour passed, then he tiptoed to the stair landing and listened … not a sound. He was very pleased, so he started down calling loudly to his wife, “Well, My Dear, did you get rid of that old bore at last?”
The next moment he heard the voice of the same woman caller, and she couldn’t possibly have missed hearing him. Two steps down, he saw them both staring up at him. It seemed truly a crisis moment.
The quick-thinking minister’s wife answered, “Yes, Dear, she went away over an hour ago. But Mrs. Jones has come to call in the meantime, and I’m sure you’ll be glad to greet her.”
One Liner
There are only two things a child will share willingly – communicable diseases and mom’s age.
Thought for the day
James 5:16 says, “Admit your faults to one another and pray for each other so that you may be healed”
It doesn’t say “so that you may be forgiven” but so that you may be healed. Forgiveness comes from God. Healing comes in relationships.
Psalm 32:8
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