Noah’s Last Name

During a weekend visit with my sister, I read to her granddaughter Adrienna from her children’s Bible story book. After our story time, I quizzed Adrienna on what we read.

“Who was the man with the big boat?”

“Noah,” she piped right up.

Then—I don’t know why—I asked, “What was his last name?”

“Zark!” she replied with authority.

One LINER
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

Thought for the day  
My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. James 1:19 (NLT)
Three rules for confrontation found in James 1:19.

1.     Be quick to listen,

2.     Be slow to speak, and

3.     Be slow to become angry.

If you’re quick to listen and if you’re slow to speak, you’ll automatically be slow to anger.

“What’s the usual tip?” a man growled when a college boy delivered his pizza.

“Well,” the student replied, “this is my first delivery, but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I’d be doing great.”

“That so?” grunted the man. “In that case, here’s five dollars.”

“Thanks,” the student said, “I’ll put it in my college fund.”

“By the way, what are you studying?”

“Applied psychology.”

One Liner
I know there’s no way to do that – but if there WERE a way, what would it be?

Thought for the day
Whoever wants to be great must become a servant. Mark 10:43 (MSG)

Jesus measured greatness in terms of service, not status. God determines your greatness by how many people you serve, not how many people serve you.

A little girl was fascinated when her grandfather took out his false teeth and began brushing them. She asked him to remove his teeth again. She stood there amazed, then demanded, ‘Now, take off your nose.’

One Liner
“Habit, if not resisted, soon becomes necessity.” – St. Augustine

Thought for the day
“Your attitude must be like my own, for I, the Messiah, did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give my life” (Matthew 20:28 LB

For Christians, service is not something to be tacked onto our schedules if we can spare the time. It is the heart of the Christian life. Jesus came “to serve” and “to give”—and those two verbs should define your life on earth, too. 

On their 50th wedding anniversary, a couple summed up the reason for their long and happy marriage.

The husband said, “I have tried never to be selfish. After all, there is no ‘I’ in the word ‘marriage.'”

The wife said, “For my part, I have never corrected my husband’s spelling.”

One LINER  
Always try to be modest. And be VERY proud of it.

Thought for the day  
Romans 8:35-37
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

Conquerors! We win!!  No matter how the battle is going for you right now, remember that in the end, we win!

I’M A SENIOR CITIZEN & proud of it – I’m the life of the party…even when it lasts until 8 p.m.

I’m very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.

I’m usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.

I’m the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go.

I’m awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

I’m smiling all the time because I can’t hear a word you’re saying.

I’m very good at telling stories…over and over and over and over.

I’m aware that other people’s grandchildren are not as bright as mine.

I’m not grouchy, I just don’t like traffic, waiting, crowds, children, politicians…

I’m sure everything I can’t find is in a secure place.

I’m wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that’s just my left leg.

I’m having trouble remembering simple words like…uhhhh…ummmm

I’m realizing that aging is not for sissies.

If you are what you eat, I’m Shredded Wheat and All Bran.

I’m sure they are making adults much younger these days.

I’m wondering, if you’re only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?

I’m supporting all movements now…by eating bran, prunes, and raisins.

I’m a walking storeroom of facts…I’ve just lost the storeroom.

I’m a SENIOR CITIZEN…and I think I am having the time of my life!!

Now if I could only remember who sent this to me, I would send it to others! You didn’t send it, did you?

One Liner
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Thought for the day
“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.” (Galatians 6:7 NIV)

Forgiveness is not a contract with God, as in, “You forgive me and I get my old life back.” Forgiveness is God’s choice; it emerges from his infinite love. He paid a bloody, costly price to forgive you, even as you were still steeped in sin.

God will forgive you, but that doesn’t mean he’ll remove the consequences of your sin.

One day a group of people we were sitting and talking. A not so bright woman was among the group and she even participated in the discussion. When she came up with an unusually stupid comment, one of the friends couldn’t take it anymore. He said to her, “You must have vacuum in your head.”

This upset her greatly. She looked at him for a couple of seconds and then replied, “At least it’s better than nothing.”

One Liner
“There are 3 kinds of people, those that can count and those that can’t.”

Thought for the day
Don’t carelessly place yourself in tempting situations. Avoid them. Proverbs 14:16 (TEV)

That means we’re good at fooling ourselves. Given the right circumstances, any of us are capable of any sin. We must never let down our guard and think we’re beyond temptation

SAINTLY SON

Two mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, “My son is such a saint.  He works hard, doesn’t smoke, and he hasn’t so much as looked at a woman in over two years.”

The other woman said, “Well, my son is a saint himself.  Not only hasn’t he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn’t touched a drop of liquor in all that time.”

“My word,” the first mother said.  “You must be so proud.”

“I am,” the second mother replied.  “And when he’s paroled next month, I’m going to throw him a big party.”

One LINER
Don’t bother me. I’m living happily ever after.

Thought for the day
“For you created everything, and it is for your pleasure that they exist and were created.”  Rev. 4:11b (NLT)

You were planned for God’s pleasure