Returning from a trip to visit my grandmother in Canada, I was stopped by a state trooper in New York for exceeding the speed limit.  Grateful to have received a warning instead of a ticket, I gave him a small bag of my grandmother’s delicious chocolate-chip cookies and proceeded on my way.

Later, I was stopped by another trooper.
“What have I done?” I asked.
“Nothing,” the trooper said, smiling. “I heard you were passing out great chocolate-chip cookies.”

One Liner
Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.

Thought for the day
“Peter came to him and asked, ‘Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?’ ‘No, not seven times,’ Jesus replied, ‘but seventy times seven!’” Matthew 18:21-22

Forgiveness is rarely a one-time event. So how often do you have to keep releasing your right to get even?

Until you stop feeling the hurt — then you’ll know you’ve forgiven that person.

5 Signs that scientists have gone too far with genetically modified food:

– Your hot dog just fetched its own ketchup and relish.

– You spot the tell-tale signs of a primitive central nervous system in your Jell-O.

– Chocchini: looks like zucchini, tastes like a Ding Dong.

– The black-eyed peas on your fork just winked at you.

– Every time you pour a glass of orange juice, your garage door goes up.

One Liner
Selfishness and love are forever opposed to each other.

Thought for the day
“Let us run with patience the particular race that God has set before us” Hebrews 12:1b

When you start to get concerned about something God is doing in another person’s life and envy starts to build, focus on the plan God has for your life. Don’t get distracted — center in on God’s will for your life.

My cousin worked on the Alaska pipeline as a welder. He said helicopters were a big help in covering the rugged ground.

I’ve never forgotten a story he told about being in the communications room of one of the base camps when a call came in. A panicked voice called to request another helicopter be sent up to the forward work camp.

A supervisor happened to drop in and heard the conversation between the dispatcher and the mechanic. He got on the radio to ask the mechanic on the other end why they need another helicopter.

The obviously harried mechanic paused before transmitting his reply, then said vaguely, “Well, the one we have won’t fly.”

The frustrated supervisor pressed the question, “Why won’t it fly.”

After a long pause came another reluctant response, “Well, I say it won’t fly because it’s upside down. The pilot says it won’t fly because it’s under twenty feet of water.”

One Liner
I hate when old people say tattoos are a waste of money; like, okay Marion, you have a cabinet of expensive plates people aren’t allowed to use.

Thought for the day
“Friend, I didn’t cheat you. I paid you exactly what we agreed on. . . . What business is it of yours if I want to pay them the same that I paid you? Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money?” Matthew 20:13-15a

When it looks like God’s blessing somebody in a way that he’s not blessing you, relax and trust God. Believe that he knows what’s best for you, and trust him when life seems unfair.

Somebody who doesn’t care about honesty & integrity….

Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from New York, another from Texas, and the third from Florida.

At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, “Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don’t you guys take a look at it and give me a bid?” So, to the back fence they all went to check it out.

First to step up was the Florida contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, “Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”

Next was the Texas contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, “Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”

Without so much as moving, the New York contractor said, “$2,700.” The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”

“Easy,” he said. “$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you and we hire the guy from Texas.”

One Liner
Sign at animal shelter: Children left unattended will be given a puppy or a kitten.

Thought for the day
“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep” Romans 12:15

When we see God being kind and gracious to others, we can respond with joy rather than resentment.

Shortly after the birth of their second child, a husband offered to take his wife shopping for a new dress.  He endured more than two hours of listening to her complaints about which figure flaw each dress accentuated.

As she emerged from the dressing room, having tried on the last selection, she asked for her husband’s opinion.  By this time he had learned just the right things to say.  “It’s perfect!” he exclaimed.  “It makes your waist look smaller, your legs look longer, and slenderizes your hips.”

Just then another lady in the dressing room spoke out.  “If there is a dress here that will do that, I’ll buy them all!”

One Liner
For every proverb that so confidently asserts its little bit of wisdom, there is usually an equal and opposite proverb that contradicts it.

Thought for the day
Some people brought to him a paralyzed man on a mat. Seeing their faith, Jesus said to the paralyzed man, ‘Be encouraged, my child! Your sins are forgiven’” Matthew 9:2

Faithful people share their faith. They wanted him to be healed, so they brought him to Jesus by lowering him on his mat through the roof.