Nine year old Dewey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school.

“Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.”

“Now, Dewey, is that really what your teacher taught you?” his mother asked.

“Well, no, Mom. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you’d never believe it!”

One Liner
Sign at animal park: Please be safe.  Do not set, stand, climb, or lean on fence.  If you fall, animals may eat you and that might make them sick.

Thought for the day
“Stand true to what you believe. Be courageous. Be strong” 1 Corinthians 16:13b

We need people of courage today to stand up to evil in a culture that’s turning wrong into right and darkness into light. And because that’s what God calls us to do, he will support and reward you when you stand firm for him.

It was a formal banquet.  The minister had just finished saying grace when a waiter spilled a bowl of steaming soup into his lap.

The clergyman silently sizzled, then cried in anguished tones, “Will a layman please make some appropriate remarks?”

One Liner
I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?

Thought for the day
“Wise men and women are always learning, always listening for fresh insights”
Proverbs 18:15

One of the most important roles you have in life is as a student. Jesus wants us to be disciples. That’s just another word for learner. You’re learning what it means to follow Christ.

The rain fell, the water rose, and folks in the town scrambled up onto their rooftops to safety. They hollered across the flood to one another, made sure everybody was accounted for, and excitedly identified things that floated by:

“There goes Jack’s tool shed!”

“Isn’t that Betsy’s front porch swing?”

“Golly, the Preacher’s whole garage!”

Then somebody noticed a little straw hat behaving oddly.  It floated downstream about 60 feet, then stopped and came back upstream!  After 60 feet or so it floated back downstream, then stopped and came upstream again.  Nobody could figure it out!

Finally little Billy piped up:  “Well, this morning Grandad said he was gonna mow the front lawn, come hell or high water.”

One Liner
The nicest thing about the future is… that it always starts tomorrow.

Thought for the day
“Never stop reciting these teachings. You must think about them night and day so that you will faithfully do everything written in them. Only then will you prosper and succeed” Joshua 1:8

To really excel in whatever you’re learning (whether it’s a new skill, a new theory, or about a new person), you must first steep yourself in God’s Word.

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

“We’re supposed to find the height of this flagpole,” said one, “but we don’t have a ladder.”

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, and announced, “Twenty one feet, six inches,” and walked away.

One engineer shook his head and laughed, “A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length.”

One Liner
I’m not fat, I’m just easier to see.

Thought for the day
“If you are a follower of Christ Jesus . . . all that matters is your faith that makes you love others” Galatians 5:6

If you don’t live a life of love, then nothing you say will matter, nothing you know will matter, nothing you believe will matter, and nothing you give will matter.

THINGS THE PROFESSOR SAYS AND WHAT HE REALLY MEANS

Today we’ll let a member of the class lead the discussion. It will be a good educational experience.
(I stayed out too late last night and didn’t have time to prepare a lecture.)

The gist of what the author is saying is what’s most important.
(I don’t understand the details either.)

The test scores were generally good.
(Some of you managed a C)

Some of you could have done better.
(Everyone failed.)

It’s been very rewarding to teach this class.
(I hope they find someone else to teach it next year.)

One Liner
My books all piled on top of me, I’ve only got my shelf to blame.

Thought for the day
“Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge” Psalm 62:8b

If you are going through a loss right now, please understand that if you don’t release your grief, it will pour out eventually. Feelings that are pushed down fester, and eventually they explode in a much worse situation.