An artist has a show at the local gallery.  One huge canvas is black with yellow blobs splattered all over it; the next is a murky gray with streaky drips of purple.

A viewer walks over to the artist and says, “I don’t understand your paintings.”

“I paint what I feel inside me,” explains the artist.

“…Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?”

One Liner
When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment … now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation!

Thought for the day
Psalm 119:103 says, “How sweet your words taste to me; they are sweeter than honey” (NLT).

This Bible is full of nourishment—spiritual food that will keep you healthy, and even lots of desserts.

HOW TO SPELL “POTATO”:

If GH is pronounced P as in hiccough…
If OUGH is pronounced O as in dough…
If PHTH is pronounced T as in Phthisis…
If EIGH is pronounced A as in Neighbor…
If TTE is pronounced T as in Gazette…
If EAU is pronounced O as in Plateau…

Then POTATO could be spelled GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU.

One Liner
When a man’s best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

Thought for the day
“I am the light for the world! Follow me, and you won’t be walking in the dark. You will have the light that gives life” (John 8:12 CEV).

The Bible says God is light and in him there is no darkness at all. You need to stop focusing on the things that scare you: those bills, those fears, those worries, that stuff that keeps swirling around in your mind. Move your focus off your fears so you can focus on the Father.

KIDS SAY THE FUNNIEST THINGS
DI (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: “How much do I cost?”

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple who were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: “Why is he whispering in her mouth?”

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, “I don’t know what’ll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?”

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: “The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.” Concerned, James asked: “What happened to the flea?”

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for awhile and then asked, “Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?”

One Liner
Ninety percent of being married is just shouting “What?” from other rooms.

Thought for the day
“He and all his family were devout and God-fearing; he gave generously to those in need and prayed to God regularly” Acts 10:2 NIV

What a great legacy! Wouldn’t you like to have people writing that about you and your family one day?

Whether you have children or not, God wants you to leave a legacy like that. You’ll find people younger in age—or younger in the faith—all around you. Will you take the time to help others become what God has made them to be? Would you help them discover God’s mission for their life?

On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son, “Dad, I know babies come from mommies’ tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?”

After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust, “You don’t have to make up something, Dad. It’s okay if you don’t know the answer.”

One Liner
We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.

Thought for the day
“Look out for one another’s interests, not just for your own” (Philippians 2:4 GNT).

When you focus on meeting the needs of other people, God will meet your needs.

Exercise Pill

“I’m prescribing these pills for you,” said the doctor to the overweight patient who wanted to loose weight without exercising.

“I don’t want you to swallow them. Just spill them on the floor twice a day and pick them up, one at a time….”

One Liner
I went out to buy some goose feather pillows, but I found they were so expensive I couldn’t even afford the down payment.

Thought for the day
“The promise is not only for those people that live under the law of Moses. It is for anyone who lives with faith like Abraham”(Romans 4:16 ICB).

No matter who you are and no matter what you’ve done, God loves you and wants you to come home to him. He wants to shower his grace on you. He wants to throw a party for you when you return.

KIDS SAY THE FUNNIEST THINGS

JACK (age 3) was watching his mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: “Mom, why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?”

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, “If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.”

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight. “I love you so much, that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.”

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: “How does it know it’s me?”

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. “Please don’t give me this juice again,” she said, “It makes my teeth cough.”

One Liner
Which animal do you never want to play cards with?  A cheetah

Thought for the day
Matthew 5:16 says, “Let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven” (ESV).

We were created because God wants a family. He wants to spend eternity with his family. He wants to spend eternity with you and me! Heaven is one of the most important reasons Christians can be joyful—God has given us eternal life, and heaven will be amazing!

He made this universe with a plan,
That you will do the impossible.
But if it is the plan, then how could it be impossible?
For you it is impossible.
For Him, anything is possible.
Okay, I am the one who must do it. How am I to do the impossible?
Because He is with you and within you.
Hiding.
Philippians 4:13

One Liner
God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

Thought for the day
Isaiah 60:10, “I will have mercy on you through my grace” (TLB).

Grace is when God gives you what you don’t deserve. Mercy is when God doesn’t give you what you do deserve. For all the ways you’ve sinned, failed, and made mistakes, you deserve punishment. Yet God pardons you and forgives you through Christ—that’s mercy.