A one-dollar bill met a twenty-dollar bill and said, “Hey, where have you been? I haven’t seen you around here much.”

The twenty answered, “I’ve been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds on the ship, back to the United States for a while, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff.
How about you?”

The one-dollar bill said, “You know, same old stuff – church, church, church.”

One Liner
Today’s weather?  Room temperature.