Customer on phone: “We need to order some four-by-twos.”

Lumber clerk: “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?”

Customer: “Let me check …” <silence> “… Yeah, I meant two-by-fours.”

Clerk: “All right. How long do you need them?”

Customer: “I’d better go check …” <silence> “… A long time. We’re gonna build a house.” 

One Liner
Went to a new restaurant called The Kitchen. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.