THINGS TO DO THANKSGIVING DAY IF YOU WANT TO BE EXCUSED EARLY

~ Announce that you would like to start a new family tradition, and proceed to take off your shirt (males only), shoes and socks at the dinner table.

~ Open the oven, shove hunks of Velveeta into the turkey while it cooks. Tell mom it adds the coolest flavor.

~ Whenever someone at the table says a word beginning with the letter R, make a loud “BUZZ”ing noise.

~ Suck your cranberry sauce loudly through a straw.

~ Hold your nose while you eat.

~ Recite the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.

~ At mid-meal turn to mom and say, “See Mom, I told you they wouldn’t notice, you were worried for nothing.”

~ Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your “shake” back to the table. 

~ When you arrive, promise that your date won’t be more than an hour late, he/she just has to wait for the warden to get together all the necessary release forms, and then they are free to go.

One Liner

There’s always a lot to be thankful for, if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how thankful I am that I’m not a turkey.