SIGNS YOU’RE OVERDOING THANKSGIVING
~ Hundreds of volunteers have started to stack sandbags around you.
~ Doctor tells you your weight would be perfect for a man 17 feet tall.
~ You are responsible for a slight but measurable shift in the earth’s axis.
~ You spill more food on you than the local soup kitchen dispenses.
~ Paramedics bring in the Jaws of Life to pry you out of the EZ-Boy.
~ The “Gravy Boat” your wife set out was a real 12′ boat!
~ The potatoes you used set off another famine in Ireland.
~ Your “Old Elvis Super-Belt” won’t even go around your waist.
~ You receive a Sumo Wrestler application in your e-mail.
~ You set off 3 earthquake seismographs on your morning jog Friday.
~ Pricking your finger for cholesterol screening only yielded gravy.
Thanksgiving is great because people tend to speak less when food is lodged in their mouths.