An accountant got out of bed one morning and complained that he had not slept a wink. 

“Why didn’t you count sheep?” his wife asked. 

“I did, and that’s what got me into trouble,” the accountant replied. “I made a mistake the first hour, and it took until morning to correct it.”

One Liner

I used to spin toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe.