All posts by mikeshumor
humor pic of the week
Humor – May 8
For the first time in many years, a friend of ours traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie.
After buying his ticket he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $11.50, my friend couldn’t help but comment, “The last time I came to the movie, popcorn was only 15 cents.”
“Well, sir,” the attendant replied with a grin, “You’re really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now.”
One Liner
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Thought for the day
“Everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ” Philippians 3:8 NLT
Are you doing that? Are you seeking God with all your heart every day?
Remember: You are as close to God as you choose to be. You’re going to become a friend of God when you want to become a friend of God.
Humor – May 7
A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.
“What’s the matter?” he was asked.
He said, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.'”
“She was just trying to comfort you, what’s so frightening about that?”
“She wasn’t talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!”
One Liner
Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step – blaming my parents.
Thought for the day
“You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free” Galatians 5:13 NIV
Freedom is your calling. God doesn’t want you to live a buttoned-down, constrained life. He wants you to have an abundant life.
Humor – May 6
Our parish priest suddenly became ill and asked his twin brother, also a priest, to fill in for him and conduct a funeral Mass scheduled for that day. His brother, of course, agreed.
It was not until the brother was accompanying the casket down the aisle, however, that he realized that he had neglected to ask the gender of the deceased. This was information that he would need for his remarks during the service.
Thinking quickly, as he approached the first pew where the deceased’s relatives were seated, he nodded toward the casket and whispered to one woman, “Brother or sister?”
“Cousin,” she replied.
One Liner
TEAMWORK means never having to take all the blame yourself.
Thought for the day
“I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe him. This is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead” Ephesians 1:19-20 NLT
The same power that blew the door off Jesus’ tomb will blow open the prison doors that hold you back
Humor – May 5
An elderly man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art…it’s perfect.”
“Really?” answered the neighbor. “What kind is it?”
“Well, I’ll tell you. It’s two thirty-three.”
One Liner
I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, I can’t find them.
Thought for the day
“My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life” John 10:10 NLT
If you’re not living a full and satisfying life, it’s not because God doesn’t want you to have it.
Humor – May 4
A man goes into a dentist’s office.
Man: “Excuse me, can you help me? I think I’m a moth.”
Dentist: “You don’t need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist.”
Man: “Yes, I know.”
Dentist: “So, why did you come in here?”
Man: “The light was on.”
One Liner
Seeing a spider is not a problem: The problem comes when it disappears.
Thought for the day
“You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free” Galatians 5:13 NIV
Freedom is your calling. God doesn’t want you to live a buttoned-down, constrained life. He wants you to have an abundant life.
Joel 2:12
humor pic of the week
Humor – May 1
Little Jimmy: “So your family got a new house! How do you like it?”
Little Johnny: “It’s terrific! I have my own room, Billy has his own room, and Jenny has her own room. But poor Mom is still in with Dad.”
One Liner
Life is like a ten-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.
Thought for the day
God made us what we are. In Christ Jesus, God made us to do good works, which God planned in advance for us to live our lives doing” Ephesians 2:10 NCV
Before you were born, God had already decided what contribution he wanted you to make with your life. God didn’t put you on this planet just to take up space, to use resources, and to die. No! He put you here to serve him by serving others.
mikeshumor 