An Amish man answered a knock on his door one morning. An electric company worker handed him a piece of paper stating that the electric company would like to run a power line through his pasture.

The Amish man said, “No.”

“Legally, that paper says we can.” replied the worker.

As he turned and left returning to his co-workers in the field, the Amish man went to his barn and turned his bull into the pasture.

As the bull rumbled toward the workers in the field, the Amish man hollered, “Show HIM your paper!”

One Liner
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles’ elbow.

Thought for the day
“So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else’s property, who will give you property of your own? No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money” (Luke 16:11-13 NIV).

Faithful people are generous when they don’t have anything to give.

The Old Man’s Golf Game

    “How was your golf game, dear?” asked Jack’s wife Tracy.
“Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight’s gotten so bad I couldn’t see where the ball went.”
“But you’re seventy-five years old, Jack!” admonished his wife,
“Why don’t you take my brother Scott along?”
“But he’s eighty-five and doesn’t even play golf anymore,” protested Jack.
“But he’s got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball,” Tracy pointed out.
The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung, and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway.
“Do you see it?” asked Jack.
“Yup,” Scott answered.
“Well, where is it?” yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.
“I forgot.”

One Liner
How many people thought of the Post-It note before it was invented but just didn’t have anything to jot it down on?

Thought for the day
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9 NIV).

The truth is, no one is outside Jesus’ reach!

Because of an ear infection, my young son, Casey, had to go to the pediatrician. I was impressed with the way the doctor directed his comments and questions to my son.

When he asked Casey, “Is there anything you are allergic to?” Casey nodded and whispered in his ear. Smiling, the pediatrician wrote out a prescription and handed it to me. Without looking at it, I tucked it into my purse.

Later, the pharmacist filled the order, remarking on the unusual food drug interaction my son must have. When he saw my puzzled expression, he showed me the label on the bottle.

As per the doctor’s instructions, it read: “Do not take with broccoli.”

One Liner
I like waiters: they bring a lot to the table.

Thought for the day
Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2 NLT).

If sensitivity to others’ needs begins with your eyes, then sympathy for their hurt begins with your ears. You have to learn to listen! The better listener you become, the more sympathetic you will be.

Dear God,

So far today, I’ve done all right.
I haven’t gossiped.
I haven’t lost my temper.
I haven’t lied or cheated.
I haven’t been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish or overindulgent.

I’m very thankful for that.
But in a few minutes, Lord,
I’m going to get out of bed;
and from then on,
I’m probably going to need a lot more help.

Amen.

One Liner
All the instruments seeking intelligent life in the universe are pointed away from Earth.

Thought for the day
“You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength” Mark 12:30 NLT

Another way to say this is, love God with all your talk, all your feelings, all your thinking, and all of your acting.

Returning from a trip to visit my grandmother in Canada, I was stopped by a state trooper in New York for exceeding the speed limit.  Grateful to have received a warning instead of a ticket, I gave him a small bag of my grandmother’s delicious chocolate-chip cookies and proceeded on my way.

Later, I was stopped by another trooper.
“What have I done?” I asked.
“Nothing,” the trooper said, smiling. “I heard you were passing out great chocolate-chip cookies.”

One Liner
Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.

Thought for the day
“Peter came to him and asked, ‘Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?’ ‘No, not seven times,’ Jesus replied, ‘but seventy times seven!’” Matthew 18:21-22

Forgiveness is rarely a one-time event. So how often do you have to keep releasing your right to get even?

Until you stop feeling the hurt — then you’ll know you’ve forgiven that person.

5 Signs that scientists have gone too far with genetically modified food:

– Your hot dog just fetched its own ketchup and relish.

– You spot the tell-tale signs of a primitive central nervous system in your Jell-O.

– Chocchini: looks like zucchini, tastes like a Ding Dong.

– The black-eyed peas on your fork just winked at you.

– Every time you pour a glass of orange juice, your garage door goes up.

One Liner
Selfishness and love are forever opposed to each other.

Thought for the day
“Let us run with patience the particular race that God has set before us” Hebrews 12:1b

When you start to get concerned about something God is doing in another person’s life and envy starts to build, focus on the plan God has for your life. Don’t get distracted — center in on God’s will for your life.