My cousin worked on the Alaska pipeline as a welder. He said helicopters were a big help in covering the rugged ground.

I’ve never forgotten a story he told about being in the communications room of one of the base camps when a call came in. A panicked voice called to request another helicopter be sent up to the forward work camp.

A supervisor happened to drop in and heard the conversation between the dispatcher and the mechanic. He got on the radio to ask the mechanic on the other end why they need another helicopter.

The obviously harried mechanic paused before transmitting his reply, then said vaguely, “Well, the one we have won’t fly.”

The frustrated supervisor pressed the question, “Why won’t it fly.”

After a long pause came another reluctant response, “Well, I say it won’t fly because it’s upside down. The pilot says it won’t fly because it’s under twenty feet of water.”

One Liner
I hate when old people say tattoos are a waste of money; like, okay Marion, you have a cabinet of expensive plates people aren’t allowed to use.

Thought for the day
“Friend, I didn’t cheat you. I paid you exactly what we agreed on. . . . What business is it of yours if I want to pay them the same that I paid you? Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money?” Matthew 20:13-15a

When it looks like God’s blessing somebody in a way that he’s not blessing you, relax and trust God. Believe that he knows what’s best for you, and trust him when life seems unfair.

Somebody who doesn’t care about honesty & integrity….

Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from New York, another from Texas, and the third from Florida.

At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, “Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don’t you guys take a look at it and give me a bid?” So, to the back fence they all went to check it out.

First to step up was the Florida contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, “Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”

Next was the Texas contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, “Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”

Without so much as moving, the New York contractor said, “$2,700.” The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”

“Easy,” he said. “$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you and we hire the guy from Texas.”

One Liner
Sign at animal shelter: Children left unattended will be given a puppy or a kitten.

Thought for the day
“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep” Romans 12:15

When we see God being kind and gracious to others, we can respond with joy rather than resentment.

Shortly after the birth of their second child, a husband offered to take his wife shopping for a new dress.  He endured more than two hours of listening to her complaints about which figure flaw each dress accentuated.

As she emerged from the dressing room, having tried on the last selection, she asked for her husband’s opinion.  By this time he had learned just the right things to say.  “It’s perfect!” he exclaimed.  “It makes your waist look smaller, your legs look longer, and slenderizes your hips.”

Just then another lady in the dressing room spoke out.  “If there is a dress here that will do that, I’ll buy them all!”

One Liner
For every proverb that so confidently asserts its little bit of wisdom, there is usually an equal and opposite proverb that contradicts it.

Thought for the day
Some people brought to him a paralyzed man on a mat. Seeing their faith, Jesus said to the paralyzed man, ‘Be encouraged, my child! Your sins are forgiven’” Matthew 9:2

Faithful people share their faith. They wanted him to be healed, so they brought him to Jesus by lowering him on his mat through the roof.

One day, an employee received an unusually large paycheck. She decided not to say anything about it.

The following week, her check was for less that the normal amount, and she confronted her boss.

“How come,” the supervisor inquired, “you didn’t say anything when you were overpaid?”

Unperturbed, the employee replied, “Well, I can overlook one mistake ­ but not two in a row!”

One Liner
Is there an exception to the rule that states “There is an exception to every rule”?

Thought for the day
We are tempted when we are drawn away and trapped by our own evil desires. Then our evil desires conceive and give birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death” (James 1:14-15 GNT).

The truth is that we bring most of our problems on ourselves. We just need to accept responsibility and quit blaming others. Every time we blame somebody else, we’re not admitting what the real problem is.

The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet.

She had been told the combination, but couldn’t quite remember it. Finally she went to the pastor’s study and asked for help.

The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial. After the first two numbers he paused and stared blankly for a moment. Finally he looked serenely heavenward and his lips moved silently.

Then he looked back at the lock, and quickly turned to the final number, and opened the lock.

The teacher was amazed. “I’m in awe at your faith, pastor,” she said.

“It’s really nothing,” he answered.

“The number is on a piece of tape on the ceiling.”

One Liner
It’s easy to identify people who can’t count to ten. They’re in front of you in the supermarket express lane.

Thought for the day
“Yet you made [humans] inferior only to yourself; you crowned them with glory and honor” Psalm 8:5

You were created by God, and God does not make junk.