Trying to come to the aid of his Father, who was stopped by an officer for speeding, the lil’ tyke piped up:

“Yeah?  Well, if we were speeding, so were you!”

One Liner
Take everything in moderation, including moderation.

Thought for the day
“Then Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, spoke up. ‘There’s a young boy here with five barley loaves and two fish. But what good is that with this huge crowd?'” (John 6:8-9 NLT).

Whenever you have a need, acknowledge your faith by planting a seed. In other words, take your focus off your need and look at ways you can provide for the needs of others, planting a seed in their lives.

You can see this principle imbedded in our blood. When you give away blood, you get more blood. You don’t end up with less blood; you end up with as much blood or more than you had before.

God often works through this harvest principle: when you have a need, you give; and what you give away, God replenishes. Faith is like a seed, so it has to be planted, or deposited.

THINGS YOU DON’T HEAR ANYMORE…

~ Be sure to refill the ice trays – we’re going to have company after while.

~ Watch for the postman – I want to get this letter to Aunt Mary in the mail today.

~ Quit slamming the screen door when you are on your way out!

~ Don’t forget to wind the clock before you go to bed.

~ Why can’t you remember to roll up your pant legs? Getting them caught in the bicycle chain so many times is tearing them up.

~ You have torn the knees out of that pair of pants so many times there is nothing left to put a patch on.

~ Don’t you go outside with your good school clothes on!

~ Be sure and pour the cream off the top of the milk when you open the new bottle.

~ Take that empty bottle to the store with you so you won’t have to pay a deposit on another one.

~ Quit jumping on the floor! I have a cake in the oven and you are going to make it fall if you don’t quit!

~ Let me know when the Fuller Brush man comes by – I need to get a few things from him.

~ You can walk to the store; it won’t hurt you to get some exercise.

~ Don’t sit too close to the TV. It is hard on your eyes.

~ Get out from under the sewing machine; pumping it messes up the thread!

~ Go out to the well and draw a bucket of water so I can wash dishes.

~ No! I don’t have nine cents for you to go to the show. Do you think money grows on trees?

~ It is time for your system to get cleaned out. I am going to give you a dose of castor oil tonight.

~ If you get a spanking in school and I find out about it, you’ll get another one when you get home.

~ Quit crossing your eyes! They will get stuck that way!

One Liner
When a freight train passes, no one says, “It sounded just like a tornado!”

Thought for the day
1 Corinthians 2:9
As it is written: “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him.

Many of the things we anticipate and dream about are much less glorious in real life than they were in our imaginations. There is one event, however, that is better than we can imagine and beyond our wildest dreams. When Jesus returns to take us home to be with our Father, it will be far better than we can ask, imagine, dream or think.

A man went to buy a parrot.  The pet shop owner pointed out three identical parrots and said, “The parrot to the left costs 500 dollars.”

“Why does that parrot cost so much?” the man wondered.

The owner replied, “Well, it knows how to use a computer.”

The man asked about the next parrot.

“That one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do, plus it knows how to use the LINUX operating system.”

Naturally, the startled customer asked about the third parrot.

“That one costs 2,000 dollars.”

“And what does that one do?” the man asked.

The owner replied, “To be honest, I’ve never seen him do a thing, but the other two call him Boss.”

One Liner
I did NOT escape. They gave me a day pass.

Thought for the day
The Lord your God will drive those nations out ahead of you little by little. You will not clear them away all at once …. Deuteronomy 7:22 (NLT)

Growth is often painful and scary. There is no growth without change; there is no change without fear or loss; and there is no loss without pain. We fear these losses, even if our old ways were self-defeating, because, like a worn out pair of shoes, they were at least comfortable and familiar.

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said, “I built a big house for our mother.”

The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.”

The third smiled and said, “I’ve got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can’t see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He’s one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it.”

Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks:

“Milton,” she wrote one son, “The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house.”

“Gerald,” she wrote to another, “I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!”

“Dearest Donald,” she wrote to her third son, “You have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious.”

One Liner
If you throw your cat out the window is that kitty litter?

eWORD of the Day
“Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think” Romans 12:2

The New Testament calls this mental shift repentance, which in Greek literally means “to change your mind.” You repent whenever you change the way you think by adopting how God thinks–about yourself, sin, God, other people, life, your future, and everything else. You take on Christ’s outlook and perspective.

A grandmother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter playing “wedding.”

The wedding vows went like this:
“You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride.”

One Liner
“Knock knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Goliath.”
“Goliath who?”
“Goliath down, you looketh tired.”

Thought for the day
“The Lord is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does” Psalm 145:17

The width of God’s love extends across the entire world and includes everyone he has created.

Two elderly, excited Southern women were sitting together in the front pew of church listening to a fiery preacher.

When this preacher condemned the sin of stealing, these two ladies cried out at the tops of their lungs, “AMEN, BROTHER!”

When the preacher condemned the sin of lust, they yelled again, “PREACH IT, REVEREND!”

And when the preacher condemned the sin of lying, they jumped to their feet and screamed, “RIGHT ON, BROTHER!

TELL IT LIKE IT IS…AMEN!”

But when the preacher condemned the sin of gossip, the two got very quiet. One turned to the other and said, “He’s quit preaching and now he’s meddlin’.”

One Liner
How can someone “draw a blank”?

Thought for the day
“This means tremendous joy to you, I know, even though you are temporarily harassed by all kinds of trials and temptations. This is no accident—it happens to prove your faith, which is infinitely more valuable than gold . . .” 1 Peter 1:6-7

“When we finally come to a place where the difficulties become so bad, where we’ve reached our limit, where we’ve tried everything and exhausted all our options, it is then that God begins a mighty work through us.“