A duel was fought between Alexander Shott and John Nott. Nott was shot and Shott was not. In this case it is better to be Shott than Nott. Some said that Nott was not shot. But Shott says that he shot Nott.

It may be that the shot Shott shot, shot Nott, or it may be possible that the shot Shott shot, shot Shott himself. We think, however, that the shot Shott shot, shot not Shott, but Nott. Anyway, it is hard to tell which was shot and which was not.

One Liner
“Today, I diversified my portfolio – I buried half in a Folgers can in the front yard and the rest in a Ziplock out back.”

Thought for today
I observed everything going on under the sun, and really, it is all meaningless—like chasing the wind. What is wrong cannot be made right. What is missing cannot be recovered. (Ecclesiastes 1:14-15 NLT, second edition)

We set expectations for what our lives should look like and then stress out when we aren’t as successful as we think we should be.

When the man came home, his wife was crying.

“Your mother insulted me,” she sobbed.

“My mother? How could she do that? She’s on vacation on the other side of the world!” the man said.

“I know. But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious.”

“And?”

“At the end of the letter she wrote:

PS. Dear Diane, when you have finished reading this letter, don’t forget to give it to my son.”

One Liner
“Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.” – Dennis Wholey

Thought for the day
“So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. For the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you through Christ Jesus from the power of sin that leads to death.” Romans 8:1-2 (NLT)

Shame is a destructive emotion. It is a form of condemnation that can rob you of happiness in life and tear you down.

God doesn’t want you to go through life with a load of guilt and shame. That’s why he sent Jesus Christ to set you free.

Jesus won the victory for you through his death and resurrection, so if you want to live a life free of shame, you need to remind yourself daily of what Jesus did for you.

The lady woke her husband up one Sunday morning. “Come on, time to get ready for church.”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes you do.”

“I just want to sleep in for ONE Sunday, PLEASE.”

“No. You can sleep in tomorrow.”

“Why do I HAVE to get up and go to church EVERY Sunday?”

“Well, you’re the pastor.”

One Liner
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Thought for the day
“Then Caleb silenced the people before Moses and said, ‘We should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it.'” (Numbers 13:30 NIV)

God wants you confident in the truth that, through him, all things are possible.

A crew of highway maintenance workers was sent to repair some road signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested area. The first one they put back up was a symbol warning of a deer crossing.

As they moved down the road to repair the next sign, one crew member looked back and spotted a deer running across the highway.

Turning to a co-worker he said, “I wonder how long he’s been waiting to cross?”

One Liner
Don’t be discouraged. It’s often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock.

Thought for the day
God deeply desires that we know him intimately. In fact, he planned the universe and orchestrated history, including the details of our lives, so that we could become his friends. The Bible says, “He made the entire human race and made the earth hospitable, with plenty of time and space for living so we could seek after God, and not just grope around in the dark but actually find him” (Acts 17:26–27 MSG).

Jimmy was having problems in English class, so his teacher decided to stop by on her way home to speak with his parents. When she rang the bell, Jimmy answered.

“I’d like to talk to your mother or father,” said the teacher.

“Sorry, but they ain’t here,” he told her.

“Jimmy!” she said, “what is it with your grammar?”

“Beats me,” Jimmy replied, “but dad sure was mad that they had t’go bail her out again!”

One Liner
The greatest of all faults is to imagine you have none.

Thought for the day
Know whom you want to please (John 5:30) — Jesus never let the fear of rejection manipulate him. No one can pressure you without your permission. You can’t please everyone; even God can’t!

Know what goals you need to reach (John 8:14) — Jesus said, “I know where I came from and where I am going.” Preparation prevents pressure, but procrastination produces it. You work by either priorities or pressures.

A junior-high student was studying astronomy and enjoying it greatly.

One morning at breakfast she mentioned, “On Friday we’re having a quiz on the moon.”

Her little brother piped up: “Are you gonna let her go, Mom??”

One Liner
A full year of experience takes a full year of experience.

Thought for the day
Know how to maintain your priorities (Luke 4:42–44) — Jesus knew how to handle interruptions without being distracted from his primary goal.