There were three fathers to be in a hospital waiting room, waiting for their babies to be born.

The first nurse comes out and tells the first father, “Congratulations you’re the father of twins!”

He says, “Great! I am the manager for the Minnesota Twins.”

The second nurse comes out and tells the second father, “Congratulations you’re the father of triplets!”

He says, “That’s cool! I work for 3M.”

The third father runs screaming out the front door.

The third nurse comes out, and asks, “Where’s the third father?”

One of the other fathers said, “Oh he just ran out the door.”

The nurse asks, “Why?”

He replied, “He works for 7-Up!”

One Liner
The more things change, the more they stay insane.

Thought for the day
We don’t have to let anything enslave us. The Bible says Jesus bought our freedom: “He gave his life to purchase freedom for everyone” (1 Timothy 2:6a NLT). The Greek word for redemption actually refers to slaves who were purchased in a marketplace. In a spiritual sense, all of us were slaves to sin until Jesus purchased us out of the slave market and set us free from sin’s bondage.

First guy: “You look sad, what’s the trouble?”

Second guy: “I’m having domestic problems.”

First guy: “But you’re always bragging that your wife is a pearl!”

Second guy: “She is! It’s the mother-of-pearl that’s a problem.”

One Liner
Q. What do people in Texas call sushi?
A. Bait.

Thought for the day
Jesus said, “According to your faith will it be done to you” (Matthew 9:29 NIV). God wants to pour blessings into all areas of your life – in your family, in your career, in your finances, in your health, in your relationships – but he will do it according to the level of your faith. If you have great faith, you will have great blessing. If you have a little faith, you will receive a little blessing. But if you have no faith, God’s blessing will not be in your life.

See if you can do this. Read it out loud, as fast as possible without mistakes.

[It’s supposedly Dr. Suess’ lost tongue twisters–yeah, right]

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is a cat

This is sucker cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD word, in each line from the start.

One Liner
Ignorance might be bliss to you, but it’s agony to everyone around you.

Thought for the day
Why is worry such a big deal? Because it’s not just a bad habit. It’s a flat out sin! But God keeps his promises, and you can trust that he will take care of you. “Don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today” (Matthew 6:34).

Two dogs are walking down the street and one says to the other, “Wait here a minute, I’ll be right back.”

He trots across the street, sniffs at a fire hydrant for about a minute, then comes back.

The other dog says, “What was that about?”

The dog first dog says, “Oh, just checking my messages.”

One Liner
Never assume malice for what stupidity can explain.

Thought for the day
Prayer can change things. Romans 8:32 says, “He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all — how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?” (NIV) God solved your biggest problem — getting into Heaven — when he sent Jesus to die for you. If God loved you enough to send Jesus to die for you, don’t you think he loves you enough to take care of all these other problems?

To Err is Human; To Forgive, Divine.

To err is human; to purr, feline.

To err is human; two curs, canine.

To err is human; to do nothing, benign.

To err is human; to quit, resign.

To err is human; to howl, lupine.

To err is human; to solve, design.

To err is human; to fart, asinine.

To err is human; to moo, bovine.

To err is human; to soothe, calomine.

To err is human; to pretend, pantomime.

To err is human; to bloom, columbine.

To err is human; to prance, equine.

To err is human; to add, combine.

To err is human; to befriend, pal o’ mine.

To err is human; to woo, Valentine.

To err is human; to horrify, Frankenstein.

To err is human; to straighten, align.

To err is human; to drown, Clementine.

To err is human; to twist, serpentine.

To err is human; to love, sublime.

To err is human; to cut in, go back in line!

One Liner
Old is what my classmates look like.

Thought for the day
The Bible has flourished in spite of unrelenting attacks during the past 2,000 years. Jesus said in Matthew 24:35, “Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away”(NIV). The only item on the planet that will last is the Word of God. Everything else will burn up, because truth is eternal.

A policeman arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a car smashed into a tree.

The officer rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, “Are you seriously hurt?”

“How do I know?” the driver responds. “I’m not a lawyer.”

One Liner
“A hypocrite is someone who complains that there is too much sex and violence on his DVD.”

Thought for the day
“Christ is not one of many ways to approach God, nor is he the best of several ways; he is the only way.” – A. W. Tozer

Little Noah came into the house with a new harmonica.

“Grandpa, do you mind if I play this in here?”

“Of course not, Noah. I love music. In fact, when your grandma and I were young, music saved my life.”

“What happened?”

“Well, it was during the famous Johnstown flood. The dam broke and when the water hit our house it knocked it right off the foundation. Grandma got on the dining room table and floated out safely.”

“How about you?”

“Me? I accompanied her on the piano!”

One Liner
“If the professor on Gilligan’s Island could make a radio out of coconut, why couldn’t he fix a hole in a boat?”

Thought for the day
Be careful! Don’t make the mistake of thinking that little children are unimportant! I tell you that they have angels who are always with my Father in heaven. (Matthew 18:10 NCV)

Children matter to God. They should matter to you, too. Jesus reminds us in the book of Matthew not to “make the mistake of thinking that little children are unimportant!” (Matthew 18:20). We need to obey Jesus’ words.

The sheriff of a small town was also the town’s veterinarian.

One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, “Is your husband there?”

“Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?” the wife asked.

“Both!” was the reply. “We can’t get our dog’s mouth open, and there’s a burglar in it.”

One Liner
“The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.”

Thought for the day
“You must put on your new nature because you are a new person, created in God’s likeness—righteous, holy, and true.” (Ephesians 4:24)

When God wants to remove the defects in your life, he doesn’t just snap his fingers so that it happens instantly. He does it incrementally. You’ve heard me say this before: When God wants to make a mushroom, he takes six hours, but when God wants to make an oak tree, he takes 60 years.