My husband is wonderful with our baby daughter, but often he turns to me for advice. Recently, I was in the shower when he poked his head in to ask, “What should I feed Lily for lunch?”

“That’s up to you,” I replied. “There’s all kinds of food. Why don’t you pretend I’m not at home?”

A few minutes later, my cell phone rang. I answered it to hear my husband asking, “Yeah, hi, Honey. Uh…what should I feed Lily for lunch?”

One Liner
“Self-esteem-boosting tip: Whenever you receive mail addressed to “resident,” just write a big “P” in front of that to make yourself feel more important.”

Thought for the day
Paul only had one resolution on his New Year’s list: “This year I resolve to know nothing but Christ and him crucified” (1 Corinthians 2:2).

When the wealthy businessman choked on a fish bone at a restaurant, he was fortunate that a doctor was seated at a nearby table.

Springing up, the doctor skillfully removed the bone and saved the man’s life.

As soon as the fellow had calmed himself and could talk again, he thanked the surgeon enthusiastically and offered to pay him for his services.

“Just name the fee,” he croaked gratefully.

“Okay,” replied the doctor. “How about half of what you’d have offered when the bone was still stuck in your throat?”

One Liner
“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.” – Edith Lovejoy Pierce

Thought for the day
By our baptism, then, we were buried with him and shared his death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from death by the glorious power of the Father, so also we might live a new life. Romans 6:4 (TEV)

If you haven’t been baptized as an expression of your faith in Christ, be obedient to Jesus and be baptized as soon as possible

Sam had been extremely nervous while his wife was giving birth to their first child. When the nurse came to the waiting room, he said, “Quick, tell me! Am I a mother or a father?!”

One Liner
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

Thought for the day
“Give us this day our daily bread.” Matthew 6:7-9 (NCV)

Jesus didn’t say, “Give us this day our monthly bread” or “our weekly bread.” He said “daily bread” because we need to learn to depend on God twenty-four hours at a time.

After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, “That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!”

One LINER
A little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the offering plates. When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster piped up so that everyone could hear: “Don’t pay for me Daddy, I’m under five.”

Thought for the day
The Bible says, “Let everything you do reflect your love of the truth and the fact that you were in dead earnest about it.” (Titus 2:7) There’s a lot in the Bible that I don’t understand and that makes me uncomfortable. But the fact is, it is the truth. It is a map that always takes me where it promises.

“Jesus told him, ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me. If you had really known me, you would know who my Father is. From now on, you do know him and have seen him!'” (John 14:6-7, NLT)

For our first New Year’s together as a married couple, my wife offered me a choice of pumpkin pie, cheesecake or orange-date cake.

“Pumpkin pie,” I requested.

“We’ve been eating pumpkin pie since Thanksgiving,” Nancy protested.

“Can’t you choose something else?”

“Okay,” I replied, “how about cheesecake?”

Making a face, Nancy said, “After all that rich food you ate over Christmas, surely you don’t want cheesecake.

Recognizing my limited options, I then selected orange-date cake.

“Oh, I’m glad you chose that one,” Nancy said. “Orange-date cake is a New Year’s tradition in our family.”

One Liner
“A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.”

Thought for the day
If the Apostle Paul made New Year’s resolutions, my thought is he only had one resolution on his list: “[This year] I resolve to know nothing but Christ and him crucified” (1 Corinthians 2:2).

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS YOU CAN KEEP

Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can ACTUALLY accomplish?

Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point

~ Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.

~ Stop exercising. Waste of time.

~ Read less. Makes you think.

~ Watch more TV. I’ve been missing some good stuff.

~ Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.

~ Spend more time at work, surfing the web.

~ Take a vacation to someplace important, like to see the world’s largest ball of twine.

~ Don’t jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.

~ Stop bringing lunch from home–eat out more.

~ Don’t have eight children at once.

~ Get in a whole NEW rut!

~ Start being superstitious.

~ Personal goal: Don’t bring back disco.

~ Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.

~ Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.

~ Spend my summer vacation in cyberspace.

~ Create loose ends.

~ Get more toys.

~ Get further in debt.

~ Don’t believe politicians.

~ Break at least one traffic law.

~ Don’t drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.

~ Don’t swim with piranhas or sharks.

~ Spread out priorities beyond the ability to keep track of them.

~ Wait for opportunity to knock.

~ Focus on the faults of others.

~ Mope about faults.

~ Never make New Year’s resolutions again.

One Liner
Aim low. Reach your goals. Avoid disappointment.

Thought for the day
Start a Bible Reading Plan in 2015
http://www.bible.com

15 EXERCISES WE’D BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT IN 2016…

~ Jumping on the bandwagon

~ Wading through paperwork

~ Running around in circles

~ Pushing your luck

~ Spinning your wheels

~ Adding fuel to the fire

~ Beating your head against the wall

~ Climbing the walls

~ Beating your own drum

~ Dragging your heels

~ Jumping to conclusions

~ Grasping at straws

~ Fishing for compliments

~ Throwing your weight around

~ Passing the buck

One Liner
With high-definition TV everything looks bigger and wider. Kind of like going to your 25th high school reunion.

Thought for the day
Proverbs 14:12 says, “There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death” (NIV). We’ve all made decisions that at the time seemed right but later on turned out to be wrong. Some paths lead to dead ends and we end up off track. That’s why we need to admit, “God, I need help.”