HELPFUL HEALTH Q&A

Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it…don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating a regular exercise program?

A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…Good.

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

A: You’re not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What’s the secret to healthy eating?

A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO …… Cocoa beans … another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Now go have a cookie…flour is a veggie!

One Liner
I dream of a better world, where chickens can cross the road without their motions being questioned.

Thought for the day
“A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path; it was trampled on, and the birds of the air ate it up.” Luke 8:5 (NIV)

Sometimes we don’t give God a chance to talk. Our minds are made up, our hearts are hardened, and we’re unwilling to listen

A young man looking to get married asked his friend. “Every woman I bring home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like.”

“Oh, that’s easy,” his pal replied. “All you have to do is find someone who is just like your mother.”

“I did that already,” he said, “and that one my father didn’t like.”



One Liner
“A healthy adult male consumes each year one-and-one-half times his own weight in other people’s patience.”



Thought for the day
“Be made new in the attitude of your minds.” Ephesians 4:23 (NIV)

The Word of God can smash any stronghold, it can break any chain, and it can uncover any lie. Once the demolition is complete, God will begin the renovation of your life

A man received a phone call one day, and the caller asked if he had lost a parrot. He said that he had indeed lost the bird, but wanted to know how the caller located him.

The caller said that the bird had landed on his balcony and kept repeating, “Hi, you have reached 555-9851. I can’t come to the phone right now, please leave a message at the tone.”

One liner
“Life is like a doughnut… you’re either in the dough or in the hole.”

Thought for the day
Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, “I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.” (John 8:12 NLT)

There was no doubt in Jesus’ mind as to who he was. He knew he came from God, and he knew he had a unique mission to fulfill. As believers, we can know we belong to God and that God defines who we are and what we are meant to do on this Earth. Trying to be someone God never intended you to be causes stress!

A teacher was taking her first golf lesson.

“Is the word spelled ‘put’ or ‘putt’?” she asked the instructor.

“‘Putt’ is correct,” he replied. “‘Put’ means to place a thing where you want it. ‘Putt’ means a vain attempt to do the same thing.”

One Liner
“As a child, I was the kind my mother wouldn’t let me play with.”

Thought for the day
Real change comes from the inside out. And when the Bible says “be made new in the attitude of your mind” (Ephesians 4:23 NIV) and “be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2 NIV), God is reminding us that every behavior starts with a thought.

A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing and his approach speed was a little too high. San Jose Tower: “American 751 heavy, turn right at the end, if able. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport.”

One Liner
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others, whenever they go.

Thought for the day
“And we … are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:18 (NIV)

God is asking you to believe he is who he says he is, believe you are who he says you are, and then live like you believe those things.

A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea-captain. “What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?”

“Throw out an anchor, sir.”

“What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?”

“Throw out another anchor, sir.”

“And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do?”

“Throw out another anchor.”

“Hold on,” said the Captain, “where are you getting all your anchors from?”

“From the same place you’re getting your storms, sir.”

One Liner
“If you want to be a leader with a large following, just obey the speed limit on a winding, two-lane road.”

Thought for the day
Proverbs 14:12 says, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.” (NIV) We’ve all made decisions that at the time seemed right but later on turned out to be wrong. Some paths lead to dead ends and we end up off track. That’s why we need to admit, “God, I need help.”

Teacher: “Johnny, I asked you to use Roman numerals on your outline.”

Johnny: “But, Teach, my keyboard doesn’t have Roman numerals on it!”

One Liner
False hope is nicer than no hope at all.

Thought for the day
“He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.” Psalm 25:9 (NIV)

The Bible says there are several things we need to do to receive guidance from God, but the very first thing is this: I need to admit I need a guide!