A guy was in court charged with parking in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defense.

“They shouldn’t put up such misleading notices,” said the guy. “It said `FINE FOR PARKING HERE`.”

One Liner
“Don’t let anyone tell you you’re getting old – squash their toes with your rocker.”

Thought for the day
We must “put on” the character of Christ by developing new, godly habits. The Bible says, “Put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” (Ephesians 4:24 NIV)

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the

lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the

manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. ‘But why,’ they

asked, as they moved off. ‘Because,’ he said, ‘I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting

in an open foyer.’

One Liner
Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can’t find them.

Thought of the day
Tell others that Jesus is the Truth and that He is the only way to life with the Father (John 14:6). Tell them “that the Son of God came so we could recognize and understand the truth of God—what a gift!—and we are living in the Truth itself, in God’s Son, Jesus Christ. This Jesus is both True God and Real Life” (1 John 5:20 MSG).

Did you hear about the two radio antennas that got married?

The wedding was terrible, but the reception was excellent!

One Liner
“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.”
– Edith Lovejoy Pierce

Thought for the day
Romans 12:3 says, “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you” (NIV).

Evaluate where you are so that you can know where you should go.

Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat.

The waiter became quite concerned and marched over and told them, “You can’t eat your own sandwiches in here!”

The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders, and then exchanged sandwiches.

One Liner
Misuse of “literally” makes me figuratively insane.

Thought for the day
“Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.” Romans 15:7 (NIV)

God made you different so you can complement each other, complete each other, and strengthen each other.

Kevin walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Kevin said: “Shingles.” So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse’s aide came out and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said, “Shingles.” So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Kevin to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said, “Shingles.” So the nurse gave Kevin a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Kevin to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Kevin sitting patiently in the nude and asked Kevin what he had.

Kevin said, “Shingles.”

The doctor asked, “Where?”

Kevin said, “Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload ’em?”

One Liner
Can CIA agents be despised?

Thought for the day
“And lead us not into temptation …” (Matthew 6:13 NIV)

God wants us to love the people of this world, no matter who they are, what they’ve done, or what they believe. But He does not want us to love the world’s value system.

While putting my 4-year-old daughter to bed one evening, I read her the story of the Prodigal Son. We discussed how the young son had taken his inheritance and left home, living it up until he had nothing left. Finally, when he couldn’t even eat as well as pigs, he went home to his father, who welcomed him.

When we finished the story, I asked my daughter what she had learned. After thinking a moment, she quipped, “Never leave home without your credit card!”

One Liner
I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.”

Thought for the day
We must change the way we think. “Let the Spirit change your way of thinking.” (Ephesians 4:23 CEV) The Bible says we are “transformed” by the renewing of our minds. (Romans 12:2)