Light on 


Late one night, a man walks into a dentist’s office.
Man: “Excuse me, can you help me? I keep thinking I’m a moth!”
Dentist: “You don’t need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist.”
Man: “Yes, I know.”
Dentist: “So why did you come in here?”
Man: “Well … the light was on…”

One LINER 

Sometimes we can get so busy in life that we can forget the direction we’re going. Like the pilot in World War II flying over the Pacific, he radioed back, “I have absolutely no idea where I’m going. I’m lost. But I’m making record time.”

Thought for the day
“All of us must quickly carry out the tasks assigned us by the one who sent me, because there is little time left before the night falls and all work comes to an end.” John 9:4 (NLT)

Your destiny has eternal significance. And it will impact the eternal destiny of other people, so it’s more important than any job, achievement, or goal you will reach during your life on earth.

“If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?” I asked the children in my Sunday School class.

“NO!” the children all answered.

“If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?”

Again, the answer was, “NO!”

“Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?” I asked them again.

Again, they all answered, “NO!”

“Well, I continued, “then how can I get into Heaven?” 
 
A five-year-old boy shouted out, “YOU GOTTA be dead!”
 

One LINER 

I just read that YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook are merging. It’ll be called You-Twit-Face.

Thought for the day
“If we live in the light, as God is in the light, we can share fellowship with each other .… If we say we have no sin, we are fooling ourselves” (1 John 1:7-8, NCV).

The world thinks intimacy occurs in the dark, but God says it happens in the light. We tend to use darkness to hide our hurts, faults, fears, failures, and flaws. But in the light, we bring them all out into the open and admit who we really are.

During his wedding rehearsal, the groom approached his pastor with an unusual offer. “I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows, and leave out the ‘love, honor, obey, and forsake all others’ part.” He pressed a $100 bill in the pastor’s hand and walked away with a satisfied smile.

On the day of the wedding, the groom was feeling pretty pleased when the pastor got to the part where the vows are exchanged.  The pastor looked him in the eye and asked, “Will you promise to bow before her, obey whatever command she gives, fulfill her every wish, serve her breakfast each morning, and swear before God that you’ll not look at another woman as long as you both shall life?”

The groom gulped and looked astonished, but he finally said “Yes” in a tiny voice. He then leaned in toward the pastor and whispered, “I thought we had a deal!”

The pastor pressed the $100 bill back into his hand and whispered in return,

“She made me a much better offer.”

One LINER
A procrastinator’s work is never done.”

Thought for the day
Give your burdens to the Lord ,
  and he will take care of you. Psalm 55:22 

Go ahead and give your burdens to the Lord … He is waiting to take care of you!

“Better Preacher”

After the visiting preacher finished, a woman came up and said, “You were much better than the preacher we had last Sunday. He spoke for an hour and said nothing.”

“Thank you,” the visiting preacher replied.

“Yes,” she continued. “You did it in fifteen minutes.”

One Liner    
My doctor is an eye, ear, nose, throat and wallet specialist.

Thought for the day
Seek good, not evil, that you may live. Then the Lord God Almighty will be with you, just as you say he is. Hate evil, love good; maintain justice in the courts. Amos 5:14-15

Are you on God’s side?  That’s determined more by what we seek and do rather than what we say and believe. God longs to be with us, but he will not sacrifice his character!!  He’s looking for believers who put their character where their mouth is!!

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found a patient sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. A second patient was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked the first patient what he was doing. The patient replied, “Can’t you see I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?”

The doctor inquired of the first patient what the other patient was doing. The first patient replied, “Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a light bulb.” The doctor looks up and notices the second patient’s face is going all red.

The doctor asks the first patient, “If he’s your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself.”
The first patient replies, “What? And work in the dark?”

One Liner
I’ve learned that it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life threatening situation.

Thought for the day
“The deepest problems of the human race are spiritual in nature. They are rooted in man’s refusal to seek God’s way for his life.” – Billy Graham