PRISON LIFE VS FULL-TIME JOB

In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8′ X 10′ cell.
At work you spend most of your time in a 6′ X 8′ cubicle.

In prison you get three meals a day.
At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one.

In prison you get time off for good behavior.
At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.

In prison you can watch TV and play games.
At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere.
At work you are just ball-and-chained.

In prison you get your own toilet.
At work you have to share.

In prison they allow your family and friends to visit.
At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends.

In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required.
At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.

In prison you can join many programs which you can leave at any time.
At work there are some programs you can never get out of.

In prison there are wardens.
At work there are managers.

Famous Last Words (part 1)

“Are you sure the power is off?”
“Don’t be so superstitious.”
“He’s probably just hibernating.”
“I can do that with my eyes closed.”
“I wonder where the mother bear is?”
“I’ll get a world record for this.”
“I’ll hold it and you light the fuse.”
“And that one over there, the red flashing one, what does that mean?”
“I’m making a citizen’s arrest.”
“It’s fireproof.”
“It’s strong enough for both of us.”
“I’ve done this before.”

One Liner
“Money isn’t everything – just look at Henry Ford with all those millions and he never owned a Cadillac!”

Thought for the day
The Bible explains the root of evil: “This is the crisis we’re in: God’s light streamed into the world, but men and women everywhere ran for the darkness … because they were not really interested in pleasing God” (John 3:19, Message). We’re far more interested in pleasing ourselves than we are in pleasing the one who made us.

Auditor: It is your duty as a citizen to pay taxes, and we expect you to pay them with a smile.

Taxpayer (grinning widely): Wonderful! I thought you expected me to pay them with cash!

One Liner
Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.

Thought for the day
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?” (James 4:1 NIV)

James doesn’t beat around the bush. He says that the cause of arguments is conflicting desires. When my wants conflict with your wants, the sparks are going to fly.

The Bible makes very clear that there is three basic desires we have that cause conflict: possessions, pleasure, and pride. These desires are legitimate and God-given unless they’re out of control. When you put them above other people and they become the most important things in your life, they will cause conflict.

So what is the cure for arguments? It’s one of the hardest lessons to learn: humility.

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre Museum.

After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, “Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings. I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.”

(See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else. I sent it to you because I figured I had nothing Toulouse.)

One Liner
“Cigarettes are pretty much like cats: perfectly harmless unless you put one in your mouth and try to set fire to it.”

Thought for the day
“Don’t hang out with angry people; don’t keep company with hotheads. Bad temper is contagious—don’t get infected.” (Proverbs 22:24-25 MSG)

Is anger contagious? Yes. If you are serious about changing an imbedded, habitual lifestyle of inappropriate anger, then you need to start hanging out with other people who know how to manage their anger. The methods we use to express our anger are learned. Since they’re learned, they can be unlearned. Parents, every time you blow up and lose your cool, you’re modeling inappropriate anger to your kids. You’re teaching, and they’re learning.

Some smart advice….

Don’t squat with your spurs on.

If you’re ridin’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.

If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.

There’s two theories to arguin’ with a woman. Neither one works.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.

When you’re throwin’ your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.

There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to touch the electric fence for themselves.

One Liner
Warning label seen on a box of hair coloring:
“Do not use as an ice cream topping.”

Thought for the day
“Purify yourselves, because tomorrow the LORD will perform miracles among you” (Joshua 3:5 TEV).

The fact is, God wants to do something great in your future, too. But you have to start by settling the accounts of the past. You have to clean up yesterday.