An enthusiastic mom attended her son’s first Little League game.

Her boy was pitching, and she cheered as he threw wild pitch after wild pitch. The poor kid walked every batter. It was only the first inning, and the score was 14-0. Then one batter finally smacked the ball.

“Oh, no!” the mom wailed. “There goes his no-hitter!”

One Liner
I try to take one day at a time but sometimes several days attack me at once.

Thought for the day
Don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed.” James 1:4

Be patient with God and with yourself. One of life’s frustrations is that God’s timetable is rarely the same as ours. We are often in a hurry when God isn’t. You may feel frustrated with the seemingly slow progress you’re making in life.

The little old couple walked slowly into McDonald’s that cold winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly at them.

You could tell what the admirers were thinking: “Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!”

The little old man walked right up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal. The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray. There was one hamburger, one order of french fries and one drink.

The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. Then he carefully counted out the french fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.

As the man began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the crowd began to get restless. Again you could tell what they were thinking: “That poor old couple. All they can afford is one meal for the two of them.” As the man began to eat his french fries one young man stood and came over to the old couple’s table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple to eat. The old man replied that they were just fine. They were used to sharing everything.

Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady hadn’t eaten a bite. She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy them something to eat. The man again explained that no, they were used to sharing everything together.

As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer. Again he came over to their table and offered to buy some food. After being politely refused again, he finally asked a question of the little old lady: “Ma’am, why aren’t you eating? You said that you share everything. What is it that you are waiting for?”

She answered, “The teeth.”

One Liner
I always put off procrastinating as long as I can.

Thought for the day
Though he was God, he did not demand and cling to his rights as God, but laid aside his mighty power and glory, taking the disguise of a slave and becoming like men. Philippians 2:6-7

We were designed to worship something, and when we fail to worship God, we create gods (idols) to surrender ourselves to. E. Stanley Jones said, “If you don’t surrender to Christ, you surrender to chaos.”

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five- and six-year-olds.

After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”

Without missing a beat, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

One Liner
Before entering a battle of wits, check your ammunition.

Thought for the day
It was by faith that Noah built a large boat to save his family from the flood. He obeyed God, who warned him about things that had never happened before. Hebrews 11:7a

The Bible tells us that Noah listened to God. And what did he hear?  He heard God’s warning that the world was going to be destroyed.  He heard what he had not yet seen. That’s what faith is, being certain of something we don’t see.

There were 11 people hanging on to a rope that came down from a helicopter. Ten were men and one woman.

They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn’t, the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go. Finally the woman gave a really touching speech on how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children and giving in to men.

All of the men started clapping…

One Liner
Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?

Thought for the day
Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body. Romans 12:5

Service is the pathway to real significance. It is through ministry that we discover the meaning of our lives. 

Contrary to popular belief, it wasn’t the apple on the tree that got us banished from Paradise.
It was the pair on the ground.

One Liner
Why are quite a few the same as quite a lot?

Thought for the day
“I want you to think about how all this makes you more significant, not less … because of what you are a part of.” 1 Corinthians 12:14a, 19

As we serve together in God’s family, our lives take on eternal importance. God wants to use you to make a difference in his world. He wants to work through you. What matters is not the duration of your life, but the donation of it. Not how long you lived, but how you lived.

A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect!”

“Really?” answered the neighbor. “What kind is it?”

“Twelve thirty…”

One Liner
If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Thought for the day
So then, my friends, because of God’s great mercy to us I appeal to you: Offer yourselves as a living sacrifice to God, dedicated to his service and pleasing to him. This is the true worship that you should offer. Romans 12:1-2

Offering yourself to God is what worship is all about. This act of personal surrender is called many things: consecration, making Jesus Lord, taking up your cross, dying to self, yielding to the Spirit.

What matters is that you do it, not what you call it. God wants your life. All of it — 95% is not enough.

Did You Ever Wonder?

– If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
– If cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
– Why is the word abbreviation so long?
– If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?
– Is it possible to be totally partial?
– What’s another word for thesaurus?
– Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
– Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
– Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
– How do you know when it’s time to tune your bagpipes?
– When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
– Why do they call it a TV set when you get only one?
– What was the best thing before sliced bread?
– What do people in China call their good plates?

One liner
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Thought for the day
“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed” John 8:36

When you realize how much God loves you, you’ll begin to live in true freedom.

A little boy came home from Sunday School and went into his room to change clothes.

When he emerged, he asked his mother, “Is it true that we came from dust?”

His mother replied, “Yes, dear. God made us from dust.”

The kid ran back into his room and came out all excited: “Mom, I just looked under my bed, and there’s somebody either coming or going!”

One Liner
Do pie companies have a lot of turnovers?

Thought for the day
The Bible says, “The Lord … makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image” 2 Corinthians 3:18b

This process of changing us to be more like Jesus is called sanctification.