“Sugar Packets Announcement”

The Building Committee has been informed that opened sugar packets are being found in the nursery area.

We have had some serious problems with ants in the past and would like to avoid any recurrences if possible.

Coffee drinkers, please dispose of these packets properly.

If you are a coffee drinker but can’t read yet, please have your parents explain this to you.

One Liner
“If a line is the shortest distance between two points, why does waiting in line take so long?”

Thought for the day
“No matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love” 1 Corinthians 13:3

God doesn’t say that loving relationships are an important part of your life. God says loving relationships are your life. That’s what life is all about. It’s all about love.

There was a Scottish tradesman, a painter called Jack, who was very interested in making a pound where he could. So he often would thin down his paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time.

Eventually the Presbyterian Church decided to do a big restoration job on one of their biggest churches. Jack put in a painting bid and because his price was so competitive, he got the job. And so he set to, with a right good will, erecting the trestles and putting up the planks, and buying the paint and…yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with the turpentine.

Well, Jack was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly done, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder. The sky opened and the rain poured down, washing the thin paint from all over the church and knocking Jock fair off the scaffold to land on the lawn.

Now, Jack was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he fell on his knees and cried, “Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?”

And from the thunder, a mighty Voice spoke, “Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!”

One Liner
Bacon is a vegetable.

Thought for the day
“Now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips” Colossians 3:8

Those are like weapons of mass destruction.

The Mayor’s Burden

One of the burdens of office of the small town mayor was his brother in-law, a fellow who liked to throw his or, rather, his in-law’s political weight around. The mayor had instructed his policemen and other city officials to treat him just like they would any other taxpayer.

The brother-in-law got a ticket for overtime parking. He immediately descended in fury on police headquarters, waving the ticket and sputtering, “Hey, do you know who I am?”

The desk sergeant surveyed him calmly, picked up his telephone and dialed the mayor’s office. “Tell the mayor,” he said to the secretary, “that his brother-in-law is down here and can’t remember his name.”

One Liner
“Nothing is worse than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.”

Thought for the day
“From such terrible dangers of death he saved us, and will save us; and we have placed our hope in him that he will save us again” 2 Corinthians 1:10

God is watching over you, so don’t listen to your fears. This is a choice: Trust God, and don’t give in to your fears

A bald, wizened little man was rocking in a chair on his porch, smiling happily. A passerby, charmed by his smile, came up to him and said, “I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look. What’s your secret for a long happy life?”

“I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said with a toothless grin. “I drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fast food, and never exercise.”

“No way! How old are you?”

“Twenty-six.”

One Liner
Why is it called “after dark” when it’s really after light?

Thought for the day
We must hold on to the progress we have already made. Philippians 3:16

Truth is not just an intellectual exercise. It’s something you do. You practice it. You apply it. You live it. You obey it. Before you start learning any other new truth, why don’t you start doing the ones you already know?

You know you are a redneck when…

– You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a flyswatter.
– Your property has been mistaken for a recycling centre.
– You burn your yard rather than mow it.
– You come back from the dump with more than you took.
– Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
– Your grandmother has “Ammo” on her Christmas list.
– Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.
– You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota.
– You missed your 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

One Liner
“Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.”

Thought for the day
“You must continue to believe this truth and stand firmly in it. Don’t drift away from the assurance you received when you heard the Good News” Colossians 1:23

The Bible tells us to believe the truth and stand firmly in it.

PROOF YOU’RE AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEACHER

~ Do you ask guests if they have remembered their scarves and mittens as they leave your home?

~ Do you move your dinner partner’s glass away from the edge of the table?

~ Do you ask if anyone needs to go to the bathroom as you enter a theater with a group of friends?

~ Do you hand a tissue to anyone who sneezes?

~ Do you declare “no cuts” when a shopper squeezes ahead of you in a checkout line?

~ Do you ask “Are you sure you did your best?” to the mechanic who fails to repair your car to your satisfaction?

~ Do you sing the “Alphabet Song” to yourself as you look up a number in the phone book?

~ Do you say everything twice? I mean, do you repeat everything?

One Liner
I wouldn’t have been in such a hurry to grow up, if I’d known that so much of adulthood is ad-libbed.

Thought for the day
“We love because he first loved us” 1 John 4:19

When you’re worn out, tired, and can’t imagine showing love to anyone else, remember that God loved you so much that he sent his Son to die for you.

By the time Ted arrived at the football game, the first quarter was almost over.

“Why are you so late?” his friend asked.

“I had to toss a coin to decide between going to church and coming to the game.”

“How long could that have taken you?”

“Well, I had to toss it 14 times.”

One Liner
Be moderate where pleasure is concerned – avoid fatigue.

Thought for the day
“For it is by God’s grace that you have been saved through faith. It is not the result of your own efforts, but God’s gift, so that no one can boast about it” Ephesians 2:8-9

God saves you by grace, which means it’s his free gift to you.