A man goes into a dentist’s office.

Man: “Excuse me, can you help me? I think I’m a moth.”

Dentist: “You don’t need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist.”

Man: “Yes, I know.”

Dentist: “So, why did you come in here?”

Man: “The light was on.”

One Liner
Seeing a spider is not a problem:  The problem comes when it disappears.

Thought for the day
“You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free” Galatians 5:13 NIV

Freedom is your calling. God doesn’t want you to live a buttoned-down, constrained life. He wants you to have an abundant life.

Little Jimmy: “So your family got a new house!  How do you like it?”

Little Johnny: “It’s terrific!  I have my own room, Billy has his own room, and Jenny has her own room.  But poor Mom is still in with Dad.”

One Liner
Life is like a ten-speed bicycle.  Most of us have gears we never use.

Thought for the day
God made us what we are. In Christ Jesus, God made us to do good works, which God planned in advance for us to live our lives doing” Ephesians 2:10 NCV

Before you were born, God had already decided what contribution he wanted you to make with your life. God didn’t put you on this planet just to take up space, to use resources, and to die. No! He put you here to serve him by serving others.

He: “This article says women use about 30,000 words a day, whereas men only use 15,000 words.”

She: “That’s probably because a woman has to say everything twice.”

He: “…What?”

One Liner
Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

Thought for the day
John 13:17, Jesus tells his followers: “Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them”. The blessings of the Bible come when you put its teachings into practice.

A man who hadn’t attended church in years suddenly began attending faithfully on Sunday mornings instead of going fishing as was his normal habit.

The pastor was highly gratified and at the end of service one morning told him, “How wonderful it makes me feel to see you at services with your good wife!”

“Well, Preacher,” said the fisherman, “Quite honestly, it’s a matter of choice. I’d much rather hear your sermon than hers.”

One Liner
Did you hear about that study that says obesity might be caused by a virus? Tomorrow I think I’ll stay home from work and just call in fat.

Thought for the day
How you can know that you’ve been effectively putting God’s Word into practice —
You’ll have a caring heart: “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress” James 1:27 NIV

One day a man went to an auction and he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.

Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid – the parrot was his at last!

As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the auctioneer, “I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can’t talk!”

“Don’t worry,” said the auctioneer, “he can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?”

One Liner
Of course I’m interested in the future. I intend to spend the rest of my life there.

Thought for the day
How you can know that you’ve been effectively putting God’s Word into practice –
You’ll have a controlled mouth: “Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless” James 1:26 NIV