Reverend Smith, a respected church leader, arrived in a large city to deliver a series of speeches.

At a banquet the first evening, he noticed some reporters in the audience. Because he wanted to use some of the stories he told that night in his speeches the next day, he asked the reporters to omit them from their articles.

One article that came out the next day, written by a cub reporter, concluded with this line: “Reverend Smith also told a number of stories that cannot be printed.”

One Liner
“Doctor, Doctor! My husband makes me boiling mad!”

“Now, just simmer down.”

Thought for the day
Colossians 3:12 says, “[A]s God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” (NIV). 

Because we know how much God loves us, we can demonstrate compassion, kindness, humility and patience with others. And that’s exactly what the church has been called to do. It’s the place for the broken, the place for those whose lives don’t work out as they should. 

“Razor Request”

Ronnie goes down to the barber shop. He gets his hair cut and then he is getting a shave. After being nicked by the barber several times Ronnie says, “Hey buddy, have you got an extra razor?”

The barber replies “Well yes sir I do, would you prefer shaving yourself?”

Ronnie said, “Well not exactly but I thought I could defend myself.”

One Liner
“Even Popeye didn’t eat his spinach until he absolutely had to.”

Thought for the day
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. Romans 8:1–2 (NIV)

No matter what you’ve ever done, there is no condemnation in Christ. He sits at the Father’s right hand, not as an accuser, but as an advocate willing to give his life for you.

Ruth and Esther meet for the first time in fifty years since high school.

Ruth begins to tell Esther about her children. “My son is a doctor and he’s got four kids. My daughter is a lawyer and she has three great kids. So tell me Esther, how about your kids?”

Esther replies, “Unfortunately, Morty and I don’t have any children and so we have no grandchildren either.” 

Ruth says, “No children? … and no grandkids? So tell me, Esther, what do you do for aggravation?”

One Liner
“No, I’m not going to give up trying to become The Invisible Man: Have I made myself clear?”

Thought for the day
“You search the Scriptures because you believe they give you eternal life. And the Scriptures point to me!” (John 5:39 NLT)

We’re not really studying the Bible until we do two things. First, write down what we’ve learned, and, second, talk it over with others. God will change your life when you do these two things.

“Do you love me with all your heart and soul?” asked Becky on Valentines Day.

“Mmm hmm,” grunted Dave.

“Do you think I’m the most beautiful girl on the planet?” 

“Mmm hmm.”

“Do you think my lips are like rose petals?”

“Mmm hmm.”

“Oh Dave,” gushed Becky, “you say the most beautiful things!”

One Liner
Here’s to love – the only fire for which there is no insurance.

Thought for the day
“God, are you avoiding me? Where are you when I need you?” (Psalm 10:1 MSG)

We all hit walls at times in our relationship with God.  We simply can’t judge our quiet times by emotions. Why? Emotions lie. Feelings come and go. Some days it’ll feel like heaven just opened up for you, and you have a great time with God. Then there are other days your quiet time will seem ordinary and bland. Don’t expect to have great and glorious experiences every single morning. The issue is consistency.

Joe’s wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the “miracle” products, she asked, “Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?”

Looking over her carefully, Joe replied, “Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five.”

“Oh, you flatterer!” she gushed.

“Hey, wait a minute!” Joe interrupted.

“I haven’t added them up yet.”

One Liner
Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.

Thought for the day
“Some men arrived carrying a paraplegic on a stretcher. They were looking for a way to get into the house and set him before Jesus. When they couldn’t find a way in because of the crowd, they went up on the roof, removed some tiles, and let him down in the middle of everyone, right in front of Jesus. Impressed by their bold belief, he said, ‘Friend, I forgive your sins.’” (Luke 5:18-20 MSG)

No one is hopeless. When the four friends looked at the paralytic’s condition, they could have responded in doubt: What could Jesus do? Instead, they believed God could heal him — they had faith. The Bible said the paralytic’s sins were forgiven when Jesus saw the faith of the four friends.

There are people all around us who are paralyzed — not necessarily physically paralyzed, but a paralyzed faith. Whether they’re paralyzed by doubts, loneliness, fear, or anything else, the result is the same: They need the faith of the others.