ETIQUETTE FOR INEXPERIENCED CATS
1. If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage this in time, get to an Oriental rug. Shag is good.
2. Determine quickly which guest hates cats. Sit on that lap during the evening. He won’t dare push you off and will even call you “nice kitty.” If you can arrange to have cat food on your breath, so much the better.
3. For sitting on laps or rubbing against trouser legs, select colors that contrast your own.
4. Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.
5. For guests that say “I love kitties,” be ready with aloof disdain, claws applied to stockings, or a quick nip on the ankles.
6. Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get one open, stand on hind legs and hammer doorknob with forepaws. Once the door is opened for you, it is not necessary to use it. You can change your mind. When you have ordered an outside door opened, stand half in and half out and think about several things. This is important during very cold weather or mosquito season.
7. If one person is busy and the other is idle, sit with the busy one. For book readers, get in close under the chin, unless you can lie across the book itself.
8. For ladies knitting, curl quietly into lap and pretend to doze. Then reach out and slap knitting needles sharply. This is what she calls a dropped stitch. She will try to distract you. Ignore it.
9. For people doing homework, sit on the paper being worked on. After being removed the second time, push anything movable off the table (pens, pencils, stamps) one at a time.
10. Get enough sleep during the day.
Teach your kids about taxes. Eat 30% of their ice cream
Thought for the day
“You shall not covet . . . anything that belongs to your neighbor” Exodus 20:17 NIV
Coveting means the uncontrolled desire to acquire. It’s such an important sin to avoid that it’s included in the Ten Commandments. The word “covet” in Greek means “to grab or to grasp so tightly that your hands are tight; you can’t even let it go.” If God ever gives you something and he tells you to give it away and you can’t, you don’t own it — it owns you.