Top Ten Gift Comments – part 1  

What do you say when you get a gift you *Really Don’t Like*.

10. “Well, well, well, now, there’s a gift!”

9. “No, with all the hostile takeovers this year, I missed the big Ronco/K-Tel/Ginsu merger. Would you just look at that! What will they think of next?!”

8. “Hey, as long as I don’t have to feed it, or clean up after it, or put batteries in it, I’m happy!”

7. “No, really, I didn’t know that there was a Chia Pet tie! Oh, wow! It’s a clip-on too!”

6. “You know, I always wanted one of these! Jog my memory — what’s it called again?”

One LINER
“There’s only two more days to procrastinate before Christmas.”

Thought for the day
Psalm 103:13, “As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him” (NIV). He cares about everything in your life — compassionately.

A minister, visiting a family’s home near Christmas time, sees a beautiful Nativity set.

He asks an adorable tot, “Do you know what this is?”

She replies, “Yes, it’s breakable.”

One Liner
I know. I know. People say, “It’s the thought that counts, not the gift,” but couldn’t people think a bit bigger?!

Thought for the day
“Remember today what you have learned about the Lord through your experiences with him” (Deuteronomy 11:2a GNT).

You must embrace the experiences of your life — the good ones, the bad ones, the shameful ones, the right ones, the wrong ones, the happy ones, and the sad ones — and stop running from your past if you want God to use it for good in your life.

The teacher asked young Malcolm: “What do you do at Christmas time?”

Malcolm addressed the class: “Well Miss Jones, my twelve brothers and sisters and I go to midnight mass and we sing hymns; then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited, we go to bed and wait for Santa Claus to come with all our toys.”

“Very nice Malcolm,” she said. “Now Jimmy, what do you do at Christmas?”

“Well, Miss Jones, my sister and I also go to church with Mom and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents.”

Realizing there were Jewish boys in the class and not wanting to leave them out of the discussion, she asked, “Now, Isaac, what do you do at Christmas?”

Isaac said, “Well, Miss Jones, it’s the same thing every year – Dad comes home from the office, we all pile into the Rolls Royce and drive to Dad’s toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves and begin to sing ‘What A Friend We Have in Jesus.'”

“Then we all get on Dad’s jet and fly to the Bahamas.”

One Liner
I considered atheism, but there weren’t enough holidays.

Thought for the day
“The Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you everything and make you remember all that I have told you” (John 14:26 GNT).

“But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth” (John 16:13a NIV).

In these two verses, Jesus says the Holy Spirit does three things in our lives: He teaches us, reminds us, and guides us. In other words, he takes the logos and turns it into rhema. It’s called illumination, and it’s his duty.

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What are you charged with?”

“Doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant.

“That’s no offense,” said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”

“Before the store opened,” countered the prisoner.

One Liner
What’s red and white and red, red and white, and red and white? Santa Claus rolling down a hill.

Thought for the day
Colossians 1:9
Since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding.

It is so important for us to pray for others. What better prayer than the one that Paul prayed for the Colossian friends he had never met — “I ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding.” Pray that for others today.

Along with the sheep, cow and donkey, our nativity scene now has a new animal. A plump little teddy bear sits in the hay paying tribute to Baby Jesus.

Our children will tell you this addition is quite scriptural. As a beginning reader, Billy was thrilled to be able to read the Christmas story from the Bible for our family advent devotions. Although the verses did not flow from one line to another, we enjoyed listening to him read.

One night Billy read: “Behold, a virgin shall be with child and bear…”
“A bear?” my 3-year-old Nancy interrupted.
“We don’t have a bear in our manger,” 5-year-old Timmy said.
“Here, use mine,” offered Nancy, and she plopped her soft stuffed bear in the middle of the scene.
Then Billy continued to read: “… a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel.”

One Liner
One Sunday evening, I overheard my five-year-old daughter, Julie, practicing “Hark the Herald Angels Sing,” a song she’d been rehearsing that morning in church for next week’s Christmas program. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter when, in place of “with angelic host proclaim,” Julie sang, “with the jelly toast proclaim.”

Thought for the day
Psalm 95:1-2
Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song.

Joy knows no better explanation than laughter and song. We sing to the Lord because we are joyful! Our music is not inhibited or held back, but exuberant and as full of sound as it is of heart.

A church was preparing for Christmas services. The pastor decided he wanted a banner made for the entryway and had a parishioner call the banner company.

The parishioner told the man on the phone the message he wanted and the dimensions needed for the entryway.

The sign came back a few days later: . .   “Unto Mary Jesus was born, six feet long and two feet wide.”

One LINER
A lot of people want to serve God, but only in an advisory capacity.

Thought for the day
Gift of service: Warm a cold heart with a warm blanket. Price: $35.

Gift of encouragement: Take flowers to a friend battling cancer. Price: $50.

Gift of leadership: Lead a group into a terrain they have never traveled before. Price of gas and lunch for 20: $300.

Gift of Christ to your next-door neighbor: Priceless.

Christmas is spiritual, full of gifts and gift giving. Let’s not forget to give the gift of Christ to someone this Christmas. It’s priceless.