I’m a high-school geometry teacher, and I started one lesson on triangles by reading a theorem. “If an angle is an exterior angle of a triangle, then its measure is greater than the measure of either of its corresponding remote interior angles.”

I noticed that one student wasn’t taking notes and asked him why.

“Well,” he replied sincerely, “I’m waiting until you start speaking English.”

One Liner
I’ve learned that a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

Thought for the day
You gain delight in God. “You will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand” (Psalm 16:11 NLT).Spending time with God will actually make you happier. Your quiet time is when you enjoy God. Knowing God is the secret to joy.

Two men working in a factory were talking. “I know how to get some time off,” said one.

“How are you going to do that?”

“Watch,” he said, and climbed up on a rafter. The foreman asked what he was doing up there, and the man replied. “I’m a light bulb.”

“I think you need some time off,” the foreman said, and the first man walked out of the factory. After a moment, the second man followed him.

“Where do you think you’re going?” the foreman shouted.

“Well you don’t expect me to work in the dark, do you?” he said.

One Liner
Life is 10% what you make it and 90% how you take it.

Thought for the day
“Think of the last thing you prayed about–were you devoted to your desire or to God? Determined to get some gift of the Spirit or to get at God? “Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.” The point of asking is that you may get to know God better. “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Keep praying in order to get a perfect understanding of God Himself.” – Oswald Chambers

WHY DOGS CAN’T USE COMPUTERS

He’s distracted by cats chasing his mouse.

SIT and STAY were hard enough; CUT and PASTE are out of the question.

Three words: carpal paw syndrome.

Involuntary tail wagging is a dead give-away that he’s browsing http://www.alpo.com instead of working.

The fire hydrant icon is simply too frustrating.

He can’t help attacking the screen when he hears “You’ve Got Mail.”

It’s too messy to “mark” every website he visits.

He can’t stick his head out of Windows 7.

One Liner
I am a bomb squad technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.

Thought for the day
Your attitude determines your joy. “The diligent find freedom in their work; the lazy are oppressed by work” (Proverbs 12:24 MSG).

TECH SUPPORT PROBLEM

Tech Support: “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Tech Support: “Did you get a pop-up menu?”

Customer: “No.”

Tech Support: “Okay. Right-click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”

Customer: “No.”

Tech Support: “Okay, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?”

Customer: “Sure. You told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click.’ Twice!”

One Liner
The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat.

Thought for the day
God is watching what you do, even when no one else is. “Work hard so God can say to you, ‘Well done.’ Be a good workman, one who does not need to be ashamed when God examines your work” (2 Timothy 2:15 LB).

As They Get Old . . .

Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.

Old actors never die, they just drop apart.

Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver.

Old architects never die, they just lose their structures.

Old bankers never die, they just lose interest.

Old basketball players never die, they just go on dribbling.

Old bookkeepers never die, they just lose their figures.

Old bosses never die, much as you want them to.

Old cashiers never die, they just check out.

Old chauffeurs never die, they just lose their drive.

Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.

Old cleaning people never die, they just kick the bucket.

Old cooks never die, they just get deranged.

Old daredevils never die, they just get discouraged.

Old deans never die, they just lose their faculties.

Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.

Old electricians never die, they just lose contact.

Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.

Old garagemen never die, they just retire.

One Liner
“It’s not a bug – it’s just an undocumented feature”

Thought for the day
Declare your struggles to someone. “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so God can heal you” (James 5:16 NCV). Revealing your feeling is the beginning of healing. If you want to just be forgiven, confess your sins to God. But if you want to be healed, confess them to somebody else. It’s the power that comes from having a spiritual accountability partner or small group

A group of junior-level executives were participating in a management training program. The seminar leader pounded home his point about the need to make decisions and take action on these decisions.

“For instance,” he said, “if you had five frogs on a log and three of them decided to jump, how many frogs would you have left on the log?”

The answers from the group were unanimous: “Two.”

“Wrong,” replied the speaker, “there would still be five because there is a difference between deciding to jump and jumping.”

One Liner
“I think there is insanity in my family – they keep asking me for money.”

Thought for the day
Keep our eyes focused on Jesus – not on the storm of our circumstances. Peter walked on water until he shifted his focus from Jesus to the storm swirling around him.

“…Then Peter got down out of the boat and walked on the water to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, ‘Lord, save me!’” Matthew 14:29-30 (NIV)