Signs of Christmas
Toy Store: “Ho, ho, ho spoken here.”

Bridal boutique: “Marry Christmas.”

Outside a church: “The original Christmas Club.”

At a department store: “Big pre-Christmas sale.

Come in and mangle with the crowd.”

A Texas jeweler store: “Diamond tiaras — $70,000.

Three for $200,000.

A reducing salon: “24 Shaping Days until Christmas.”

In a stationery store: “For the man who has everything…

a calendar to remind him when payments are due.”

One LINER
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree is the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other. Burton Hillis

Thought for the day
The Wise Men asked, “Where is the baby who was born to be the king of the Jews?” (Matthew 2:2a NCV)

The Wise Men were seeking Jesus. Wise men and women still seek him today.

There are two kinds of people in life when it comes to truth: speculators and seekers. Speculators make guesses about the truth. Speculators think they know what God is like.

The students were led into the room. Each class, accompanied by their teacher. Then, each group, one by one, rose to perform their song. Those in the front row – center stage – held up large letters, one by one, to spell out the title of the song.

As the class was to sing “C is for Christmas,” a child would hold up the letter C. Then, “H is for Happy,” and on and on, until each child holding up his portion had presented the complete message, “Christmas Love.”

The performance was going smoothly, until suddenly, we noticed her; a small, quiet, girl in the front row holding the letter “M” upside down – totally unaware her letter “M” appeared as a “W”.

A hush came over the audience and eyes began to widen.

For when the last letter was held high, the message read loud and clear:

“C H R I S T W A S L O V E”

And I believe He still is.

One Liner
Why was Santa’s elf depressed?
He had low elf esteem.

Thought for the day
Christmas is not just a season, but it is a time specifically chosen by God for Jesus to come to earth: “But when the right time finally came, God sent his own Son.” (Galatians 4:4 TEV)

CHURCH SIGN

A church was preparing for Christmas services. The pastor decided he wanted a banner made for the entryway and had a parishioner call the sign company.

The parishioner told the man on the phone the message he wanted and the dimensions needed for the entryway.

The sign came back a few days later… “Unto Mary Jesus was born, six feet long and two feet wide.”

One LINER
Research has determined that the shelf life of fruitcake is longer than the shelf.

Thought for the day
“But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord’s victory. He is with you, O people of Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out there tomorrow, for the Lord is with you!” 2 Chronicles 20:17 (NLT)

What God tells Jehoshaphat in this passage, and what he would remind us today, is this: “The battle is not yours; it’s mine. You don’t have to fight in it.”

In other words, it’s God’s problem. Let him solve it.

TOP 5 THINGS OVERHEAD ON THE WISE MEN’S JOURNEY TO BETHLEHEM

5. You know, I used to go to school with a girl name Beth Lehem.

4. What kind of name is Balthazar anyhow? Phoenician?

3. Hey, do you either of you know why “MYRRH” is spelled with a “Y” instead of a “U”?

2. Okay, who forgot to give their camel a bath before we left?

1. Whaddya mean we’ll be part of history? A year from now, nobody will have a clue why we did this.

One LINER
Q: What reindeer has the cleanest antlers?
A: Comet.

Thought for the day
God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. Ephesians 2:8-9 (NLT)

God gives you what you need, not what you deserve. Grace is when God says, “I’m going to take your problem and make it my problem.” Grace is God’s Riches given to you At Christ’s Expense.

Top Ten Gifts Your Wife Doesn’t Want For Christmas

10. A car wash kit

9. A table saw

8. Two all-day passes to Circuit City’s Home Theatre Installation Seminar

7. A case of oil

6. Five-year subscription to Sports Illustrated

5. Custom engraved bowling ball

4. New outboard motor for fishing boat

3. Rambo Trilogy on DVD

2. New satellite dish with sports package

1. Three-year membership to Weight-Watchers Clinic

Thought for the day
When the angel appeared to Joseph in a dream, he told Joseph, “Do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit” (Matthew 1:20 NIV). So that’s what Joseph did. “When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife” (Matthew 1:24 NIV). He didn’t hesitate, he just did it.

There is a refreshing immediacy to Joseph’s relationship with God. When God said it, Joseph did it.

A calorie-conscious woman drove past a bakery and saw some gorgeous Christmas cookies.

She decided to pray about it: “Lord, if you want me to have some of those delicious cookies, let me have a parking place directly in front of the bakery.”

And sure enough, the eighth time around the block, there it was!

One Liner
If you’re going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

Thought for the day
1 John 5:3 says, “This is love for God, to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome” (NIV). So if something God asks you to do feels like a burden, what’s wrong? Usually it’s procrastination. When we don’t act right away, it becomes harder to do the longer we wait. But when we do what God says, the most refreshing freedom will come into our lives.