CELEBRATING 11 years of mikehumor on May 27!  THANKS to all who have followed mikeshumor these past 11 years.  My desire in sharing the clean daily humor is to bring a smile to your face – after all people smile in the same language!   Hopefully some of the humor has even caused you to laugh out loud!! After all He who laughs, lasts!!

Continue to share mikeshumor with others as we begin our 12th year!

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (Proverbs 17:22 NIV).

Joe had been a long-time and very valued member of his church in Austin. He was a trustee and always preferred to fix things rather than replace them and he was very adept at doing so.

One day the pastor came in o the office on his day off to get something. He was dressed in very grungy clothing and wearing a pair of running shoes that were falling apart. If fact, when he walked down the hall to his office it sounded like he was wearing flip-flops. This old trustee heard the noise and told the preacher, “I think I have some glue that will fix those shoes if you’ll give then to me.” A couple of days later he did just that.

A week later, when he went into his office he saw a brown bag on his desk. Upon opening it he found his repaired running shoes and a handwritten note stuffed in one of them. It read: “It is a rare occasion when a parishioner is able to save the Pastor’s sole.”

One Liner
The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes and sand gnats come close.

Thought for the day
You will never arrive at the state in life where you’re too important to help with menial tasks. God will never exempt you from the mundane. It’s a vital part of your character curriculum. The Bible says, “If you think you are too important to help someone in need, you are only fooling yourself. You are really a nobody” (Galatians 6:3 NLT).

A man goes into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man’s face.

“What did you do that for?” the man asks.

“Well, you don’t have the hiccups anymore, do you?”

The man says, “No, but my wife out in the car still does!”

One Liner
Help keep the kitchen clean: Eat out.

Thought for the day
“Commit your work to the Lord, and then your plans will succeed.” Proverbs 16:3 (NLT)

God is for your success in life; he created you for a purpose and he wants you to succeed. It is God, your Creator, who will measure your success in life, and no one else.

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.

It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before.

Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones’s sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said:

“If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don’t have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government has to pay only a maximum of $6000.”

“Now,” he concluded,” which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?

One Liner
A smart man only believes half of what he hears. A wise man knows which half.

Thought for the day
Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness. Matthew 25:21 (NIV)

We never really own anything during our brief stay on earth. God just loans it to us while we’re here. It was God’s property before you arrived, and God will loan it to someone else after you die. You just get to enjoy it for a while.

A friend of mine took her 4-year-old daughter to a baptismal service at her church. Later that night, her daughter took all of her dolls into the bathtub with her and held her own “baptism.”

As she dunked each doll under the water, she repeated, “Now I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son and hold your nose.”

One Liner
“I wonder who discovered we could get milk from cows and what on EARTH did he think he was doing?!” – Billy Connolly

Thought for the day
I am the God who forgives your sins, and I do this because of who I am. I will not hold your sins against you. (Isaiah 43:25 TEV)

When something starts going wrong in your life, do you automatically think, “God’s getting even with me. I know it! I did that thing I’m ashamed of yesterday (or last year or twenty years ago), and now he’s settling the score”?

Does God really treat his children that way? Absolutely not! Isaiah says God doesn’t hold our sins against us. Once we’ve confessed our sins to him, it’s all forgiven and forgotten, and he doesn’t even bring up the past.

Two nieces Jessica, age five, and Stephanie, age three, were chatting with their mom when Stephanie asked, “Mommy, does God really make rainbows?”

“Of course he does,” my sister replied. Jessica nudged Stephanie and explained, “Only God has such big crayons.”

One Liner
The only difference between the difficult and the impossible is that the impossible takes a bit longer.

Thought for the day
“When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, ‘I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.’” (John 8:12 NIV)

When Jesus said, “I am the light of the world,” he was defining himself. He was saying, “I know who I am.” More than 18 times in the Bible, Jesus says, “I am” and then gives a description. He described himself as the door, the bread of life, the way, the truth, the resurrection, and the life. Over and over, he defines himself. Jesus knew who he was and, as a result, he was not under pressure.

One weekend a nurse, was looking after her six-year-old nephew when he fell off a playground slide and hit his head. Worried that he might have a concussion, she checked him all night. Every hour, she’d gently shake him and ask, “What’s your name?”

Soon, he began moaning in protest each time she entered the room. When she went in at 5 A.M., she found something white on his forehead. Leaning close, she saw a crayon-scrawled message taped to his forehead. It read, “My name is Daniel.”

One Liner
A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken.

Thought for the day
“Be honest in your estimate of yourselves.” (Romans 12:3 NLT)
Most people these days are moving so fast that they don’t have time to listen to their heart any more.

The Bible says that God wants you to listen to your heart. He wants you to look at what you’re made to do, and then you’ll know what he wants you to do. But you’ve got to slow down.

Our minister announced that the cost to attend a special social event would be six dollars per person. “However, if you’re over 65,” he said, ” the price will be only $5.50.”

From the back of the congregation, a woman’s voice rang out, “Do you really think I’d give you that information for only 50 cents?”

One Liner
At my house, “Dust” is a noun, not a verb. – Anonymous

Thought for the day
“Put your heart right, Job. Reach out to God. Put away evil and wrong from your home. Then face the world again, firm and courageous. Then all your troubles will fade from your memory, like floods that are past and remembered no more. Your life will be brighter than sunshine at noon, and life’s darkest hours will shine like the dawn. You will live secure and full of hope.” (Job 11:13-18 TEV)

If you want to remain free of bitterness or regret, begin to trust that God is actively working on your behalf, even in what appears to be the worst of circumstances. This is a matter of faith, where you choose to believe God is at work.