After the service a young couple talked to the pastor about joining the church. I hadn’t met the husband before, and I asked what church he was transferring from.

After a short hesitation, he replied, “I am transferring from the Municipal Golf Course.

One Liner
“Always keep several get well cards on the mantle – if unexpected guests arrive, they’ll think you’ve been sick and unable to clean.”

Thought for the day
“[God’s] peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7 (NIV)

The only time a sense of pressure is legitimate is when you keep saying no to God. That is a relational pressure that comes from holding God at arm’s length.

A string walks into a bar.

“Excuse me,” he asks “Can I please have a drink?”

“Nope” replies the bartender, “We don’t serve strings.”

Upset at the discrimination, the string asks a fellow at the bar to buy him a drink. Seeing this the bartender picks him up and throws him out of the bar.

The string walks over to a curb, rubs himself against it and ties himself in a knot, then walks back into the bar.

“Excuse me, can I please have a drink?”

“Aren’t you the string that was just here?” asks the bartender.

“No” came the answer, “I’m a frayed knot.”

One Liner
Change is good as long as I don’t have to do anything differently.

Thought for the day
“He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.” Psalm 25:9 (NIV)

The Bible says there are several things we need to do to receive guidance from God, but the very first thing is this: I need to admit I need a guide!

At the airport check-in counter, I overheard a woman ask for window seats for both herself and her husband.
The clerk pointed out that this would prevent them from sitting together.
“Sweetie,” the woman replied, “I’ve just spent 10 days of quality time in a compact rental car with this man. I know what I’m requesting!”

One LINER
Don’t be afraid to touch bottom. It’s solid.

Thought for the day
How would your life be different if you were led and powered by a steadfast spirit? Pray, Oh God, “… renew a steadfast spirit within me. (Psalms 51:10, NIV)

I’m a middle school band teacher, and I match students to instruments by testing them on various mouthpieces. While most children demonstrate aptitude on more than a single instrument, there was one boy who was having difficulty on every one he tried, and he was becoming disheartened.

Finally, he found success on a tuba mouthpiece. He was so happy that he asked to call his mother.

“Mom, guess what!” I overheard him exclaim. “I tested positive for tuba!”

One LINER
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.

Thought for the day 
Micah 6:8
[God] has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

Thoughts on today’s verse

God desires to bless us with salvation. An incredible gift of his Son dying in our place so we might have eternal life! Once we have this free gift then He wants our lives to daily reflect his salvation and to share it with others.

A young lady signed up on an Internet dating service. She got to the section of the application that asked “What exactly are you looking for?”

This was her description: “He needs to be good-looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home if I don’t go out. Be able to tell me interesting stories when I need a companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest.”

In a matter of moments, the results were returned to the woman: “Buy a television.”

One Liner
Old is always fifteen years older than I am.

Thought for the day
“Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.” (1 Corinthians 15:58 ESV)

Every time you skip your time with God, you get discouraged, and it’s even harder to get started again. You get discouraged and defeated. The most vicious attacks on your quiet time will come in the area of being consistent and diligent. Satan knows that if he can keep you out of the Word, he’s taken you out of the battle. He has basically removed your sword

It’s career day at school and the teacher instructs his students each to stand up, state their parents occupation, spell it and then tell what their parent would do if they were here today.

Little Rodney stands up and says, “My father is an accountant, A-C-C-O-U-N-T-A-N-T, and if he were here today, he would help you balance your checkbook”.

“Good Rodney.” says the teacher, “How about you, Johnny?'”

Johnny stands up and says, “My father is an electrician, E-L-E-K-T, no, no, E-L-E-C-K-T no ….L-E-C-K- no….

The teacher interrupts, “never mind Johnny, sit down, how about you Vinnie?”

Vinnie stands up and says, “My dad’s a bookie, that’s B-O-O-K-I-E, and if he were here today he’d give you ten-to-one odds that there’s no way Johnny’s ever gonna spell electrician!”

One Liner
Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage?

Thought for the day
“A rebel shouts in anger; a wise man holds his temper in and cools it.” (Proverbs 29:11 TLB)

When you’re angry, don’t respond impulsively. Delay is a great tool in controlling anger. I’m not saying delay indefinitely or even beyond a day; the Bible says don’t go to sleep when you’re angry. I’m talking about delaying it for five minutes.

Happy Mother’s Day

Your Mother is always with you.

She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street.

She’s the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick and perfume that she wore.

She’s the cool hand on your brow when you’re not feeling well.

She’s your breath in the air on a cold winter’s day.

She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a rainbow. She is Christmas morning.

Your Mother lives inside your laughter.

She’s crystallized in every teardrop.

A mother shows every emotion…happiness, sadness, fear, jealousy, love, hate, anger, helplessness, excitement, joy, sorrow…and all the while hoping and praying you will only know the good feelings in life.

She’s the place you came from, your first home, and she’s the map you follow with every step you take.

She’s your first love; your first friend, even your first enemy, but nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space…not even death!

Author unknown

One Liner
On your birthday, send a thank you card to your mom.