5 Signs that scientists have gone too far with genetically modified food:

– Your hot dog just fetched its own ketchup and relish.

– You spot the tell-tale signs of a primitive central nervous system in your Jell-O.

– Chocchini: looks like zucchini, tastes like a Ding Dong.

– The black-eyed peas on your fork just winked at you.

– Every time you pour a glass of orange juice, your garage door goes up.

One Liner
I’ve learned that money doesn’t buy class.

Thought for the day
“Where will you spend eternity?

a) here b) heaven

c) hell d) not sure

is that your final answer?”

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at a Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.

She was stretched, full-out, on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, “Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay! Stay!”

The driver of a nearby car, a very pretty young lady, gave me a strange look and said, “Why don’t you just put it in park”?

One Liner
Man’s way leads to a hopeless end! God’s way leads to an endless hope!

Thought for the day
Plan carefully and you will have plenty; if you act too quickly, you will never have enough. (Proverbs 21:5 TEV)

A budget is simply a plan. It’s telling your money where you want it to go, rather than wondering where it went. And the problem many of us have today is that we don’t know where our money is going because we don’t have a budget.

A grocer put up a sign that read “Eggplants, 25 cents each — three for a dollar.”

All day long, customers came in exclaiming: “Don’t be ridiculous! I should get FOUR for a dollar!”

Meekly the grocer capitulated and packaged four eggplants.

The tailor next door had been watching these antics and finally asked the grocer, “Aren’t you going to fix the mistake on your sign?”

“What mistake?” the grocer asked. “Before I put up that sign no one ever bought more than one eggplant.”

One Liner
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Thought for the day
“Don’t be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent” (Acts 18:9b NIV). In a world full of ideas and beliefs that go against God’s Word, God wants you to have an uncommon courage and stand up for what you know is true and right. Everyone else is speaking up and telling you their worldview every day.

In a national survey, 62 percent of Americans claimed they are “deeply spiritual.” When asked how that spirituality affects their decision making, 31 percent said they make moral choices based on “what feels right and comfortable,” 18 percent on “whatever is best for me,” 14 percent on “whatever causes the least conflict with others,” and only 16 percent on “what God’s Word says.”

God is telling you to make a stand for his truth.

HOW YOU KNOW IT’S TIME TO BUY A NEW CAR

~ Your VIN is 0000000000000001.

~ Your engine smokes so much the local health department recently tried to recruit you to help with mosquito abatement this summer.

~ When you go to the car wash more paint than dirt comes off.

~ Your tax adviser has suggested you could save money by purchasing your own tow truck.

~ Your mechanic keeps asking, “Can I re-duct-tape that windshield for you?”

~ While waiting at stop light, people run up asking if anyone was hurt.

~ Traffic reporters are starting to refer to you by name when discussing morning traffic jams.

~ Instead of an airbag, there’s a whoopie cushion taped to your steering wheel.

~ Your gas gauge measures in cubits.

One Liner
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Thought for the day
Do not think of your self more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.” Romans 12:3 (NIV)

Humility is the ingredient for change that will counter our pride. We have to start by admitting we don’t have it all together.

My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, “72.”

He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, “Did you start at 1?”

One Liner
Faith attracts the positive. Fear attracts the negative.

Thought for the day
“Anyone who doubts is like a wave on the sea, blown up and down by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.” (James 1:6-7 NCV/NIV)

There are two things that cause self-doubt in your life:
1. Comparing your abilities causes you to doubt your abilities.
2. Remembering your past failures causes you to doubt your abilities.

Don’t let your past doubts or guilt keep you from being used by God. God says, “I don’t care what your past is. I want to use you!”

Diner: I can’t eat this chicken. Call the manager.

Waiter: It’s no use. He can’t eat it either.

One Liner
It hasn’t been the same since Henry Ford borrowed it.

Thought for the day
“God is always revealing Himself to us through His Word and through the works of His hands. He’s an intentional God, brimming over with purpose, infusing meaning into everything around us.” – Joni Eareckson Tada