Sam had been extremely nervous while his wife was giving birth to their first child. When the nurse came to the waiting room, he said, “Quick, tell me! Am I a mother or a father?!”

One Liner
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

Thought for the day
“Give us this day our daily bread.” Matthew 6:7-9 (NCV)

Jesus didn’t say, “Give us this day our monthly bread” or “our weekly bread.” He said “daily bread” because we need to learn to depend on God twenty-four hours at a time.

While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish horse-drawn carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was this hand printed sign: “Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust.”

One Liner
It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

Thought for the day
Instead, there must be a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes.” (Ephesians 4:23 NLT)

Change requires new thinking. As we’ve discussed, in order to change, we must learn the truth and start making good choices, but we also must change the way we think.

The minister advised Uncle Howard to give some thought to the “hereafter.” Uncle Howard told him that the hereafter was hardly ever out of his mind.

At least a dozen times a day he would go to do something, like going to the bathroom cabinet for his medicine, then say, “What on earth am I hereafter?!”

One Liner
“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.” – Edith Lovejoy Pierce

Thought for the day
The Bible says in 1 Peter 4:10-11, “God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another” (NLT). When you use your abilities to help each other, God is glorified

I’m an obstetrics nurse at a large city hospital, where our patients are from many different countries and cultures.

One day while waiting for a new mother to be transferred to our division, I checked the chart and assumed that, because of her last name, she was of European descent. So when she was finally wheeled in, I was surprised to see that she was Asian.

As I was performing the exam, we chatted, and she told me that she was Chinese, and her husband’s ethnic heritage was Czech. After a short pause, she quipped, “I guess that makes my children Chinese Czechers!”

One Liner
“Age is an awfully high price to pay for maturity.”

Thought for the day
Let the Spirit change your way of thinking. Ephesians 4:23 (CEV)

Move ahead, doing the right thing in spite of your fears and feelings. This is how you cooperate with the Holy Spirit

“Bob, why don’t you play golf with John anymore?” asked a friend.

“Would you play golf with a guy who moved the ball with his foot when you weren’t watching?” Bob asked.

“Well, no,” admitted the friend.

“Neither will John,” replied Bob.

One Liner
“She had her face lifted, but it turned out there was one just like it underneath.”

Thought for the day
“And forgive us our sins as we also forgive those who have sinned against us.” Matthew 6:7-9 (NCV)

When I hurt you, that causes guilt. When you hurt me, I feel resentment. Those two things can be resolved with forgiveness

My husband is a minister who conducts an expanded altar call at the end of his sermon. He asks those who wish to accept Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior, as well as those with prayers or other requests, to come forward.

To the surprise and delight of the congregation our three-year-old daughter, without a word to me, got up and made her way forward. She waited patiently while the others ahead of her made a request.

When her turn came, my husband leaned down to ask for her request. She whispered, “Can we go to the restaurant after church?”

One Liner
I took a part time job as an opinion poll sampler. On my very first call, I introduced myself, “Hello, this is a telephone poll.”

The man replied, “Yeeeah, and this is a street lamp!”

Thought for the day
In Matthew 18, Jesus tells the story of a king who forgives his servant. Verse 27 says, “The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go” (NIV). Just as the king canceled the debt of this servant, God sent Jesus Christ to pay for your debt. Everything you’ve ever done wrong in your life has already been paid for. Jesus took your rap. He paid your jail time. He took your offense and paid the wages of sin. Jesus Christ died for all of your sins.

The airhead tried to sell his old car. He was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.

One day he mentioned his problem to a friend he worked with. The friend told him, “There is a way to make your car easier to sell, but it’s not legal.”

“That doesn’t matter,” replied the airhead, “as long as I can sell the car.”

“Okay,” said the friend. “Here’s the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the odometer in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it shouldn’t be a problem to sell.” The following weekend, the airhead made the trip to the mechanic.

A month later, the friend asked the airhead, “Did you sell your car?”

“No,” replied the airhead, “why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it.”

One Liner
The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

Thought for the day
The Bible says in Proverbs 19:11, “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense” (NIV). With wisdom, you don’t get offended. Why? Because wisdom gives you patience. When you understand somebody’s background, you understand the stress that person is under — and it’s easier to show grace. That gives you patience to overlook the offense.