For the first few months of her co-op job for the state of Georgia, my sister had nothing to do, so she surfed the Web or did crossword puzzles. One day she expressed her boredom to a co-worker.

“I know,” she complained. “Everyone thinks state workers have it easy. But there’s only so much you can pretend you’re doing.”

One Liner
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.

Thought for the day
“The Bible is to be read as if written expressly for you.” – A. B. Simpson

Hymns for Everyone

The Dentist’s Hymn: Crown Him With Many Crowns
The Weatherman’s Hymn: There Shall Be Showers of Blessing
The Contractor’s Hymn: The Church’s One Foundation
The Tailor’s Hymn: Holy, Holy, Holy
The Golfer’s Hymn: There is A Green Hill Far Away
The Politician’s Hymn: Standing on the Promises
The Optometrist’s Hymn: Open My Eyes That I Might See
The IRS Agent’s Hymn: I Surrender All
The Gossip’s Hymn: Pass It On
The Electrician’s Hymn: Send the Light
The Shopper’s Hymn: Sweet By and By
The Realtor’s Hymn: I’ve Got A Mansion Just Over the Hilltop
The Pilot’s Hymn: I’ll Fly Away
The Paramedic’s Hymn: Revive Us Again
The Judge’s Hymn: Almost Persuaded
The Architect’s Hymn: How Firm A Foundation
The Telemarketer’s Hymn: A Charge To Keep I Have
The Postal Worker’s Hymn: So Send I You
The Waiter’s Hymn: Fill My Cup, Lord
The Gardener’s Hymn: Lo, How A Rose E’er Blooming
The Lifeguard’s Hymn: Rescue the Perishing
The Criminal’s Hymn: Search Me, O God
The Baker’s Hymn: When the Roll Is Called Up Yonder
The Shoe Repairer’s Hymn: It Is Well With My Soul
The Travel Agent’s Hymn: Anywhere With Jesus
The Geologist’s Hymn: Rock of Ages
The Hematologist’s Hymn: Are You Washed in the Blood?
The Men’s Wear Clerk’s Hymn: Blest Be the Tie
The Umpire’s Hymn: I Need No Other Argument
The Librarian’s Hymn: Whispering Hope

Thought for the day
“If I obey Jesus Christ in the seemingly random circumstances of life, they become pinholes through which I see the face of God. The redemption of God will flow through me to the lives of others, because behind the deed of obedience is the reality of Almighty God.” – Oswald Chambers

My five-year-old son squealed with delight when he opened his birthday present from his grandmother. It was a water pistol. He promptly ran to the sink to fill it.

“Mom,” I said. “I’m surprised at you. Don’t you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water pistols?”

My mom smiled and said, “Yes, I remember.”

One Liner
Dentist: Don’t worry. I’m painless.
Patient: But I’m not!

Thought for the day
“God is there to meet you in the center of all your trials, and to whisper His secrets, which will make you come forth with a shining face and an indomitable faith that all the demons of hell shall never afterwards cause to waver.” – E. A. Kilbourne

America declared complete freedom from Great Britain on July 4, 1776, putting the Declaration of Independence into place.The “Committee of Five” presented the document to the Continental Congress in June of 1776.

After much debate and revision of the wording, Congress approved it on July 4th.  John Adams (a member of the Committee) urged this monumental day for America be commemorated as the “day of deliverance” and celebrated with “pomp and parade.”

We’ve been celebrating July 4th ever since!!

Happy 4th of July!! I’m proud to be an American!!

A clergyman walking down a country lane and sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.

“You look hot, my son,” said the cleric. “why don’t you rest a moment, and I’ll give you a hand.”

“No thanks,” said the young man.

“My father wouldn’t like it.”

“Don’t be silly,” the minister said.

“Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water.”

Again the young man protested that his father would be upset. Losing his patience, the clergyman said, “Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I’ll give him a piece of my mind!”

“Well,” replied the young farmer, “he’s under the load of hay.”

One Liner
Never try to outwit a woman unless you are one.

Thought for the day
“As a father is kind to his children, so the Lord is kind to those who honor him. He knows what we are made of; he remembers that we are dust.” (Psalm 103:13-14 GN)

God understands you completely. He’s fully aware of your humanity. He knows what makes you tick. He knows your faults, your fears, your failures, and your frustrations. He doesn’t expect you to be Superman or Superwoman.

A couple’s lawn mower was broken, and the wife kept hinting to her husband that he should get it repaired. But the message never sunk in. She finally thought of a way to make her point.

One day the husband arrived home to find her seated in the grass busily snipping away with a pair of scissors. He watched silently for a short time, and then went into the house.

He returned a few moments later, handed her a toothbrush and said, “When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the sidewalk.”

The doctors say he should be able to walk again, but always have the limp.

One Liner
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.

Thought for the day
The Bible says, “I was glad when they said to me, ‘Let us go to the house of the Lord’” (Psalm 122:1 NASB). God’s church should be a place of joy!

“I don’t think I’ll ever have a mother’s intuition. My sister left me alone in a restaurant with my 10-month-old nephew. I said, ‘What do I do if he cries?’ She said ‘Give him some vegetables.’ It turns out that jalapeno is not his favorite.”

One Liner
All the world’s a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.

Thought for the day
“Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what the nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires ….” Romans 8:5-6 (NIV)

There is a battle going on inside you between your old, sinful nature and your new nature that comes from Christ. If you want to win this battle, you’re going to have to change the way you think.

“My wife finally convinced me to sign something called a ‘living will’. This is a document which, in the event I find myself attached to a mechancial device, gives my wife the right to terminate my life.

“So yesterday I’m on the exercise bike…”

One Liner
“When a man marries a woman, they become one but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.”

Thought for the day
God wants us to worship Him. He doesn’t need us, for He couldn’t be a self-sufficient God and need anything or anybody, but He wants us. When Adam sinned it was not he who cried, “God, where art Thou?” It was God who cried, “Adam, where art thou?” – A.W. Tozer

My wife tells me that our children are referred to as “Digital Natives”since they will not remember a time in their lives prior to the internet, iPhones, touch screens, or wifi.

Confirming evidence: Yesterday my 4-year-old daughter went to throw something away in the trash can and found it to be too full. She approached me and said, “Daddy, you need to delete the trash.”

One Liner
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Thought for the day
Thank God in all things – No matter what happens, give thanks. The Bible doesn’t say, “For all things give thanks.” It says, “In all things give thanks.” You don’t have to be thankful for bad things in your life. You should never be thankful for evil. You don’t have to be thankful for cancer or a car accident or war or abuse. But God says in everything give thanks. Why? Because you know that God’s going to take care of you. You know he’s going to meet your needs. You know he’s going to help you