An irritated father complained to his golf buddy, “When I was a kid, my parents sent me to my room without supper if I misbehaved. But my son has his own TV, telephone, computer, and every computer game and CD player in his room!”

“So how do you handle it?” his friend asked.

“I send him to MY room!”

One Liner
Normal people worry me.

Thought for the day
Jesus said, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33, NLT). Put God first in your life, and you’ll have more time. Whatever you need more of in your life, give God first place in that area.

During a game, the coach asked one of his young players: “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?”

The little boy nodded yes.

“Do you understand that what matters is winning together as a team?”

The little boy nodded yes.

“So,” the coach continued, “when a strike is called, or you are out at first, you don’t argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?”

Again, the boy nodded yes.

“Good,” said the coach. “Now go over there and explain it to your mother.”

One Liner
One man’s red tape is another man’s system.

Thought for the day
“Look at me. I stand at the door. I knock. If you hear me call and open the door, I’ll come right in and sit down to supper with you” (Revelation 3:20, MSG). He’s your creator, redeemer, provider, sustainer, counselor, and comforter. God deserves our worship. We’d have nothing without God. Better yet, God wants your devotion, too! He wants to spend time with you.

This is a story about a little girl who, on the way home from church, turned to her mother and said, “Mommy, the Preacher’s sermon this morning confused me.”

The mother said, “Oh! Why is that?”

The girl replied, “Well, he said that God is bigger than we are. Is that true?”

“Yes, that’s true,” the mother replied.

“He also said that God lives within us. Is that true, too?”

Again the mother replied, “Yes.”

“Well,” said the girl. “If God is bigger than us and He lives in us, wouldn’t He show through?”

One Liner
Keep the faith…but not from others!

Thought for the day
“One hundred religious persons knit into a unity by careful organization do not constitute a church any more than eleven dead men make a football team.” – A. W. Tozer

DOCTOR FUNNY #1

After the doctor gave the patient his diagnosis, the patient asked, “Can I have a second opinion?”

The doctor replied, “Sure. Come back tomorrow.”

DOCTOR FUNNY #2

Two kids were deciding what game to play. One said, “Let’s play doctor.”

“Good idea,” said the other. “You operate, and I’ll sue.”

One Liner
Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

Thought for the day
So whatever you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV). It doesn’t matter if you’re rearranging papers or signing bills; any job can become an act of worship if you do it enthusiastically for God.

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. “My name is Billy. What’s yours?” asked the first boy.

“Tommy,” replied the second.

“My daddy’s an accountant. What does your daddy do for a living?” asked Billy.

Tommy replied, “My daddy’s a lawyer.”

“Honest?” asked Billy.

“No, just the regular kind,” replied Tommy.

One Liner
I had to quit my job crushing soft drink cans. It was soda pressing.

Thought for the day
When you turn your work into worship, you start storing up credits in Heaven. Colossians 3:24 says, “Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and the Master you are serving is Christ.” As you work for God, you are making eternal deposits in Heaven.

To Err is Human; To Forgive, Divine.

To err is human; to purr, feline.

To err is human; two curs, canine.

To err is human; to do nothing, benign.

To err is human; to quit, resign.

To err is human; to howl, lupine.

To err is human; to solve, design.

To err is human; to fart, asinine.

To err is human; to moo, bovine.

To err is human; to soothe, calomine.

To err is human; to pretend, pantomime.

To err is human; to bloom, columbine.

To err is human; to prance, equine.

To err is human; to add, combine.

To err is human; to befriend, pal o’ mine.

To err is human; to woo, Valentine.

To err is human; to horrify, Frankenstein.

To err is human; to straighten, align.

To err is human; to drown, Clementine.

To err is human; to twist, serpentine.

To err is human; to love, sublime.

To err is human; to cut in, go back in line!

One Liner
Old is what my classmates look like.

Thought for the day
The Bible has flourished in spite of unrelenting attacks during the past 2,000 years. Jesus said in Matthew 24:35, “Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away”(NIV). The only item on the planet that will last is the Word of God. Everything else will burn up, because truth is eternal.

Kathy walks into the kitchen and sees Rachel with the whole box of animal crackers spread out on the counter top.

Kathy: “Why did you pour out the whole box?”

Rachel: “The box says, ‘Do not eat if the seal is broken.’ I’m looking for the seal.”

One Liner
In theory, everything works.

Thought for the day
“We’re depending on God; he’s everything we need. What’s more, our hearts brim with joy since we’ve taken for our own his holy name. Love us, God, with all you’ve got — that’s what we’re depending on.” (Psalm 33:20-22 MSG)

Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation.