WIFE’S DIARY:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much.

I asked him what was wrong; He said, “Nothing…” I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say, “I love you, too.”

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

HUSBAND’S DIARY:

A two-foot putt … WHO misses a stupid two-foot putt!

One Liner
The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it’s just sort of a tired feeling.

Thought for the day
“If you … know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7:11 NIV)

God is the source of everything. Everything you see in the world and everything you can’t see in the world and in the universe, God made. He’s the source of every good thing in the universe.

Two hunters got lost in the woods. The first hunter said, “Don’t worry. All we have to do is shoot into the air three times, stay where we are, and someone will find us.”

So they shot in the air three times, but no one came. After a while, they tried it again; still no response.

Finally the second hunter said, “I suppose we can try again, but it better work this time. We’re down to our last three arrows.”

One Liner
“Be different: conform.”

Thought for the day
You can’t succeed in life until you change your attitude about the work you are doing right now. Romans 12:11 says, “Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically” (NLT).

WHY DOGS CAN’T USE COMPUTERS

He’s distracted by cats chasing his mouse.

SIT and STAY were hard enough; CUT and PASTE are out of the question.

Three words: carpal paw syndrome.

Involuntary tail wagging is a dead give-away that he’s browsing http://www.alpo.com instead of working.

The fire hydrant icon is simply too frustrating.

He can’t help attacking the screen when he hears “You’ve Got Mail.”

It’s too messy to “mark” every website he visits.

He can’t stick his head out of Windows 7.

One Liner
I am a bomb squad technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.

Thought for the day
Your attitude determines your joy. “The diligent find freedom in their work; the lazy are oppressed by work” (Proverbs 12:24 MSG).

Cross Country Move
When we moved cross-country, my wife and I decided to drive both of our cars. Nathan, our eight-year-old, worriedly asked, “How will we keep from getting separated?” “We’ll drive slowly so that one car can follow the other,” I reassured him. “Yeah, but what if we DO get separated?” he persisted. “Well, then I guess we’ll never see each other again,” I quipped. “Okay,” he said. “I’m riding with Mom.”

One LINER
Have a nice day…someplace else!

Thought for the day 
Psalm 25:15 My eyes are ever on the Lord,

My eyes are ever on the Lord – not on power, prestige, possessions or pleasure!

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, “Now don’t get mad at me….I know we’ve been friends for a long time…..but I just can’t think of your name! I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what your name is.” Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, “How soon do you need to know?”

One LINER
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.

Thought for the day
Psalm 23:1
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

The Lord is … the Lord always has been is and the Lord always will be is! Whatever you need just fill in the blank – To the baker the Lord is the bread of life, to the traveler the Lord is the way, to the judge the Lord is the truth, to the sinner the Lord is the Lamb of God that takes away the sin of the world. Just fill in the blank

”Guardian Angel”

A woman is walking on the road and a voice shouts out, “Don’t take a step further.”

She obeys and suddenly a ton of bricks fall on the place where she would have otherwise been.

She thinks she imagined it and keeps walking until suddenly the voice calls out again. “Don’t take a step further.”

She stops and a car skids past. Then suddenly she hears the voice saying “I am your guardian angel, and I will warn you before something bad happens to you. Now do you have any questions to ask me?”

Yes! shouts the woman, “Just where were you on my wedding day!

One LINER
Always be yourself because the people that matter don’t mind, and the ones who mind, don’t matter.

Thought for the day
Psalm 22:7
Some trust in chariots and some in horses, 
but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.

May our trust and confidence be in the name of the Lord and not in own power or possessions. Our power is in the name of the Lord!

During the children’s sermon the Pastor asked, “What is gray, has a bushy tail and gathers nuts in the fall?”

One five year old raised his hand. “I know the answer should be Jesus,” he stated, “but it sounds like a squirrel to me.”

One Liner
The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise. –Roger Simon

Thought for the day
Focus on what you gain, not the pain. There are very few things in life that are easy. You must push through the frustration and look at the gain beyond the pain. Concentrate on how good you’re going to feel once you’ve finished the task.

Galatians 6:9 says, “So let us not become tired of doing good; for if we do not give up, the time will come when we reap a harvest” (NLT).

“Normal” is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work, driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for, in order to get to the job that you need so you can pay for the clothes, car and the house that you leave empty all day in order to afford to live in it.

Wanna be normal??

One Liner
My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.

Thought for the day
Face your fears. We hate to admit we have fears, because we think they are a sign of weakness. But fear is a sign of humanity. Only fools are not afraid. You’ve heard it said, “Courage is not the absence of fear; it’s moving ahead in spite of our fears.” The Bible says there is nothing you cannot master with the help of Christ who gives you strength.