THE SPELL CHEQUER

Eye have a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write.
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
and eye can put the error rite.
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

One Liner
“There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways to exit this airplane.”

Thought for the day
“When I, the Son of Man, return, how many will I find on earth who have faith?” Luke 18:8 (NLT)

If you have great faith, you will have great blessing. If you have a little faith, you will receive a little blessing. But if you have no faith, God’s blessing will not be in your life.

Confronted by two doctors and an HMO manager at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter asked them to identify and explain themselves.

The first doctor stepped forward. “I was a pediatric spine surgeon and helped children overcome deformities!” “You may enter,” St. Peter said.

The second doctor stepped up. “I was a psychiatrist and helped people find peace!” St. Peter ushered him through the gates.

The HMO manager stepped forward. “As an HMO manager, I helped people get cost-effective health care!” St. Peter waved him forward, but stopped him right as he got to the gates.

“You may stay for three days. After that, you’re out of here!”

One Liner
“When a minister rehearses his sermon he is practicing what he preaches?”

Thought for the day
We need to let God grow his love in us, so that we can love others the way God loves us. The Bible says, “There is no fear in love; perfect love drives out all fear” (1 John 4:18a TEV).

Adam was walking outside of the Garden of Eden with Cain and Abel when the boys were young. Cain and Abel looked into the garden and viewed waterfalls, lovely birds, lush forests and fruit trees bending over because of the large amounts of fruit on them.

Then they took a long look at where they lived. It was dry, dusty with weeds and sickly-looking trees.

“Daddy? Why don’t we live in there instead of out here?” they asked innocently.

Adam said, “Well sons. Eve and I use to live in there at one time. But your mother ate us out of house and home.”

One Liner
Some people are wise. Some people are otherwise.

Thought for the day
When we go on mission for God, like Jesus, we “teach the way of God in accordance with the truth” (Luke 20:21 NIV). We report that Truth is a person and that God is love.

A professor – an atheist – was teaching a college class and he told the class that he was going to prove that there is no a God.

He said, “God if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you 15 minutes!”

Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God, saying, “Here I am God, I’m still waiting”

He got down to the last couple of minutes and a BIG 240 pound football player happened to walk by the door and heard about what the professor said.

The football player walked in the classroom and in the last minute, he walked up, hit the professor full force, and sent him flying off the platform.

The professor got up, obviously shaken and said, “Where did you come from, and why did you do that?”

The football player replied, “God was busy. He sent me.”

One Liner
Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

Thought for the day
“The glum, sour faces of many Christians. … They rather give the impression that, instead of coming from the Father’s joyful banquet, they have just come from the Sheriff who has auctioned off their sins and now are sorry they can’t get them back again.” – Helmut Thielicke

You have just received the Amish Virus.

Since we do not have electricity nor computers, you are on the honor system. Please delete all of your files.

I thanketh thee,

Abe

One Liner
I just wish once someone would call me “Sir” without adding, “You’re making a scene.”

Thought for the day
King David wrote, “There was a time when I wouldn’t admit what a sinner I was. But my dishonesty made me miserable and filled my days with frustration” (Psalm 32:3 LB).

This reminds me of a sign I saw the other day: “A clean engine produces more power.” That’s true in humans, too. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the man who wrote “Sherlock Holmes,” once pulled a prank on 12 prominent Englishmen. He sent them an anonymous note that said, “All is found out. Flee at once.” Within 24 hours, eight of those men had left the country! Guilt destroys your confidence.

Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the buds on my father’s young peach tree for two years in a row. This spring Dad was ready. He replanted the sapling in a large box, mounted it on wheels, and put the tree in the garage whenever the temperature dropped.

One warm April day Dad was wheeling the tree out into the yard, and stopped to give our dog a drink from the garden hose.

A neighbor watched the scene with amusement.

“Frank,” he finally commented, “you’re the only man I know who walks his tree and waters his dog!”

One Liner
If God was small enough for us to understand, He wouldn’t be big enough for us to worship.

Thought for the day
If you’re an average person, you have three things on your daily “to do” list. You get one of them done, you leave one of them unfinished, and the third one you just forget about. You go home and put your feet up at night and feel good about yourself.

If you’re a perfectionist, you have 29 things on your daily “to do” list. You finish 28 of them, then you go home and feel like a failure! The Bible says, “Even perfection has its limits, but [God’s] commands have no limit” (Psalm 119:96 NLT).

Occasionally at the restaurant where I work there are extra desserts, and the staff are given some to take home. Once I brought home two pieces of cheesecake for my son and daughter. Katie had a piece that evening.

The next day her older brother found her watching TV and eating more cheesecake. “Are you eating my cheesecake?” he demanded.

“Oh, no,” she replied sweetly, “I ate yours yesterday.”

One Liner
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.”
– Napoleon Bonaparte

Thought for the day
The Bible says, “We are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago” (Ephesians 2:10 NLT). The New Testament was written originally in Greek. The Greek word for “masterpiece” is “poema.” It’s the word we get “poem” from. God says, “You’re my poem. You’re my masterpiece. I don’t want you copying somebody else. I’ve put gifts in you — heart, abilities, personality, and experiences — and I want you to use them.” You have worth because of what God says about you and has done for you.

Aboard an airline flight from Europe to America, Grandma Bern was taking her very first flight.

They had only been aloft a few minutes when the old lady complained to the stewardess that her ears were popping.

The girl smiled and gave the older woman some chewing gum, assuring her that many people experienced the same discomfort.

When they landed in New York, Grandma thanked the stewardess. “The chewing gum worked fine,” she said. “Now that we’ve arrived, would you tell me, how do I get it out of my ears?”

One Liner
Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree. That makes it a plant. Chocolate is salad.

Thought for the day
The Bible says in 2 Peter 3:9, “The Lord isn’t being slow about his promise to return, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to perish, so he is giving more time for everyone to repent” (NLT).

The reason why God puts up with all the grief that he sees on this planet is because he’s being patient. And, he’s waiting for you to step across the line and start a relationship with him.

During a difficult physics lecture, a pre-med student interrupted: “Why do we have to learn this stuff?”

“To save lives,” the professor responded firmly, and continued the lecture.

A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again: “So, how exactly does physics save lives?”

The prof replied, “It keeps the idiots out of medical school.”

One liner
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism

Thought for the day
“Bring all the tithes into the storehouse so there will be enough food in my Temple. If you do … I will open the windows of heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing so great you won’t have enough room to take it in! Try it! Put me to the test!” (Malachi 3:10 NLT, second edition)

In effect, God is saying, “I dare you! I dare you to see what I will do if you become a giving, generous person. Tithe, and see what happens to your life.”

When I worked as a medical intern in a local hospital, one of my patients was an elderly man with a thick accent.

It took me some time to understand that he had no insurance coverage.

One thing he had made clear was that he was a World War II veteran, so I had him transported to the Veteran’s Administration hospital, where he’d be eligible for benefits.

The next day my patient was back, with a note from the VA: “Right war, wrong side.”

One Liner
Always be sincere, even if you don’t mean it.

Thought for the day
The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 12:4-6, “There are different spiritual gifts, but the same Spirit gives them. There are different ways of serving, and yet the same Lord is served. There are different types of work to do, but the same God produces every gift in every person” (GW).

Special abilities. In the Bible, these special abilities are called spiritual gifts, which makes them different from material or physical gifts. They are the abilities you need to get the job done that God wants you to do. Most people who are believers don’t even know they’ve got them, much less know what they are. But you have them!