TOP 5 THINGS OVERHEAD ON THE WISE MEN’S JOURNEY TO BETHLEHEM

5. You know, I used to go to school with a girl name Beth Lehem.

4. What kind of name is Balthazar anyhow? Phoenician?

3. Hey, do you either of you know why “MYRRH” is spelled with a “Y” instead of a “U”?

2. Okay, who forgot to give their camel a bath before we left?

1. Whaddya mean we’ll be part of history? A year from now, nobody will have a clue why we did this.

One LINER
Q: What reindeer has the cleanest antlers?
A: Comet.

Thought for the day
God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. Ephesians 2:8-9 (NLT)

God gives you what you need, not what you deserve. Grace is when God says, “I’m going to take your problem and make it my problem.” Grace is God’s Riches given to you At Christ’s Expense.

Top Ten Gifts Your Wife Doesn’t Want For Christmas

10. A car wash kit

9. A table saw

8. Two all-day passes to Circuit City’s Home Theatre Installation Seminar

7. A case of oil

6. Five-year subscription to Sports Illustrated

5. Custom engraved bowling ball

4. New outboard motor for fishing boat

3. Rambo Trilogy on DVD

2. New satellite dish with sports package

1. Three-year membership to Weight-Watchers Clinic

Thought for the day
When the angel appeared to Joseph in a dream, he told Joseph, “Do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit” (Matthew 1:20 NIV). So that’s what Joseph did. “When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife” (Matthew 1:24 NIV). He didn’t hesitate, he just did it.

There is a refreshing immediacy to Joseph’s relationship with God. When God said it, Joseph did it.

A calorie-conscious woman drove past a bakery and saw some gorgeous Christmas cookies.

She decided to pray about it: “Lord, if you want me to have some of those delicious cookies, let me have a parking place directly in front of the bakery.”

And sure enough, the eighth time around the block, there it was!

One Liner
If you’re going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

Thought for the day
1 John 5:3 says, “This is love for God, to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome” (NIV). So if something God asks you to do feels like a burden, what’s wrong? Usually it’s procrastination. When we don’t act right away, it becomes harder to do the longer we wait. But when we do what God says, the most refreshing freedom will come into our lives.

SIGNS OF CHRISTMAS

Toy Store: “Ho, ho, ho spoken here.”

Bridal boutique: “Marry Christmas.”

Outside a church: “The original Christmas Club.”

At a department store: “Big pre-Christmas sale. Come in and mangle with the crowd.”

A reducing salon: “24 Shaping Days until Christmas.”

In a stationery store: “For the man who has everything…a calendar to remind him when payments are due.”

A Christmas sign on a toy store: “Ho, ho, ho spoken here.”

One Liner
My pessimism has never failed me, but I’m sure someday it will.

Thought for the day
The Bible says, “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:19-21 NIV).

People, possessions, places, and positions are too flimsy to hold up the weight of our expectations and our desire to experience joy.

Only Jesus can meet those expectations.

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

“I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE! AND AN XBOX 360! AND I PRAY FOR THE NEW IRON MAN COMIC BOOK!”

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, “Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn’t deaf.”

To which the little brother replied, “No, but Grandma is!”

One Liner
Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

Thought for the day
“The greatest need in the world is the transformation of human nature. We need a new heart that will not have lust and greed and hate in it. We need a heart filled with love and peace and joy, and that is why Jesus came into the world. He died on the cross to make peace between us and God and to change us from within by His Spirit. He can change you, if you will turn to Him in repentance and faith.” – Billy Graham

Christmas gift suggestions:

To your enemy, forgiveness.

To an opponent, tolerance.

To a friend, your heart.

To a customer, service.

To all, charity.

To every child, a good example.

To yourself, respect.

To Jesus, all.

One Liner
“I live every day trying to not disappoint the guy who wrote “stay cool” in my jr. high school yearbook.”

Thought for the day
Ask Yourself: “Why would God go to the trouble of sending His Son all the way to earth to endure the life He lived and die the death He died–if all we had to do to get to Heaven was ‘be good?'” He sure went to a lot of trouble for nothing. Either that, or we’re missing the point. – Joe McKeever

Adam, a bright-eyed 3-year-old, had been told of his German heritage. After church in early December, I asked him if he had a part in the Sunday school Christmas pageant.

“Yes,” he replied, his eyes filling with joy. “I am going to be a German shepherd!”

One Liner
“A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.”

Thought for the day
The Bible says: “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9 NIV).In other words, you can’t earn your way to heaven. You can’t work your way in. It’s just a gift.

Advent was one week away so we thought we’d see what the children remembered from our family devotions the year before. “Who can tell me what the four candles in the Advent wreath represent?” I asked.

Luke jumped in with seven-year-old wisdom and exuberance. “There’s love, joy, peace, and … and … “

“I know!” six-year-old Elise interrupted to finish her brother’s sentence: “Peace and quiet!”

One Liner
“Wisdom doesn’t always come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.”

Thought for the day
“But the angel reassured them. ‘Don’t be afraid!’ he said. ‘I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all people.’” (Luke 2:10 NLT)

Knowing God is for you will change your whole perspective on life. You’ll stop thinking of God as someone looking down from Heaven, ready to yell “Gotcha!” any time you mess up.

God is for your success in life; he created you for a purpose and he wants you to succeed. It is God, your Creator, who will measure your success in life, and no one else.

A Woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.

“What Denomination?” Asked the clerk.

“Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?” said the woman.

“Well give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic.

One Liner
No matter what happens, there is always somebody who knew that it would.

Thought for the day
The Bible says, “Now that we have been put right with God through faith we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ” (Romans 5:1 TEV).You need to make peace with God. Have you done that? If you haven’t, you’d better, because one day you will have to face him.

A SIGN OF THE TIMES

As a little girl climbed onto Santa’s lap, Santa asked the usual, “And what would you like for Christmas?”

The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: “Didn’t you get my email??!!”

One Liner
December is the month when the kids begin to discuss what to get Dad for Christmas. Some insist on a shirt; others a pair of socks, and the argument always ends in a tie.

Thought for the day
Jesus tells us in Mark 8:35, “Only those who give away their lives for my sake and for the sake of the Good News will ever know what it means to really live” (TLB). God wired you in a way that you’ll never be happy unless you’re giving your life away in his work. You were made for something greater than yourself.