A group of first graders got together and decided to write their own version of the Nativity. It was more modern than the traditional drama. Oh, there were the familiar members of the cast: Joseph, the shepherds, the three wise men, the star, and an angel propped up in the background.

But Mary was nowhere to be seen.

Suddenly behind the bales of hay could be heard some loud moans and groans. Evidently Mary was in labor.

Soon the doctor arrived dressed in a white coat with a stethoscope around his neck. Joseph, with a look of relief on his face takes the doctor straight to Mary, then starts pacing back and forth. After a few moments the “doctor” emerges with a big smile on his face.

“Congratulations, Joseph,” he says, “It’s a God!”

One Liner
My goal for 2020 is to accomplish the goals set in 2019 which I should have done in 2018 because I promised to in 2017 and planned to do in 2016

Thought for the day
“We walk by faith, not by sight” 2 Corinthians 5:7 ESV

There is no faith without risk.  Faith means stepping out into the unknown when you don’t know what’s even in the unknown.

I’ve been in many places, but I’ve never been in Kahoots. Apparently, you can’t go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone.

I’ve also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don’t have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my children, friends, family, and boss.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I’m not too much on physical activity anymore.

I’ve been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I’m in Capable, and I go there more often as I’m getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenaline flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age, I need all the stimuli I can get.

One Liner
I hear the world tongue-twister champion has been found guilty of cheating. Apparently they’re going to give him a really hard sentence.

Thought for the day
“Don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed” (James 1:4 The Message).

Be patient with God and with yourself. One of life’s frustrations is that God’s timetable is rarely the same as ours. We are often in a hurry when God isn’t. You may feel frustrated with the seemingly slow progress you’re making in life.

A mother took her daughter Carlene, who was not yet old enough to read, to the eye doctor for a check-up.

The doctor used pictures to help determine how well Carlene was seeing. He showed Carlene a picture of a horse and asked, “How many legs does this horse have?”

Instead of saying the expected answer of “four,” Carlene answered, “Same as any other horse!”

One Liner
Exercise works best early in the morning, before your brain figures out what you’re doing.

Thought for the day
“It’s crucial that we keep a firm grip on what we’ve heard so that we don’t drift off” (Hebrews 2:1 The Message).

As you grow to spiritual maturity, you will have to cooperate with God in the process.

Thanksgiving Dinner on the Run
A woman called the Butterball Turkey Hotline to find out how long it would take to roast her turkey.  To answer the question, the Talk-Line home economist asked how much the bird weighed.  The woman responded, “I don’t know, it’s still running around outside.”

One Liner
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

Thought for the day
“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns” (Philippians 1:6 NLT).

It takes years for us to grow to adulthood, and it takes a full season for fruit to mature and ripen. The same is true for the fruit of the Spirit. The development of Christlike character cannot be rushed. Spiritual growth, like physical growth, takes time.

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field.

While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout.  Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line.

When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, “You’re terrific!!!  Sign up for the season, and I’ll see to it that you get a huge bonus.”

“Forget the bonus,” the turkey said, “All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?

One Liner
I have something to say, but I don’t know what.

Thought for the day
“When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers—the moon and the stars you set in place—what are mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that you should care for them? . . . O LORD, our Lord, your majestic name fills the earth!” (Psalm 8:3-4, 9 NLT).

There’s an old rhyme that says, “Two men looked out from prison bars. One saw mud, the other saw stars.” In other words, one inmate looked down in despair, but the other one looked up in hope.

An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey.

His family was fond of the legs for dinner and there were never enough for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together: “Well I finally did it. I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!”

They all asked the farmer how it tasted.

“I don’t know” said the farmer. “I could never catch the dang thing!”

One Liner
He ate so much over the holidays that he decided to quit cold turkey.

Thought for the day
Proverbs 14:12 says, “There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death”

You don’t have to accept everything you feel, because not everything you feel is right or authentic or will lead you in the right direction.

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a
large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in
amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout.

Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran
right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines,
the coach shouted, “You’re terrific! Sign up for the season, and I’ll see to
it that you get a huge bonus.”

“Forget the bonus,” the turkey said, “All I want to know is, does the season
go past Thanksgiving Day?”

One Liner
If I was a turkey, I’d be doing everything I could to taste terrible right
now.

Thought for the day
“I have made up my mind to obey your laws forever, no matter what” Psalm 119:112 CEV

The reason why most people are ineffective in life is that they’ve never learned how to fight the battle of the mind.  You have a choice. Your mind has to listen to you. God didn’t give you just a mind. He gave you a will! The best time to win the battle with temptation is before it begins.

The interviewer greets the next applicant for the job of night watchman.

His first question is: “What are your qualifications for the job of night watchman?”

The applicant replies, “The slightest noise wakes me up.”

One Liner
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Thought for the day
“Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts” Proverbs 4:23 GNT

God is far more interested in changing your mind than changing your circumstances.

An urgent call was put in for a plumber at noon but he didn’t arrive until 5 hours later.

“How is it?” he asked entering the house.

“Not so bad,” replied the home owner. “While we were waiting for you to arrive, I taught my wife how to swim.”

One Liner
I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.

Thought for the day
Mark 2:27, “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath”

God created this idea of you taking a day off every seven days for rest, recreation, worship, and restoration. It’s his idea, and it’s for your own benefit so you don’t burn out.