A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.

“Reverend,” said the young man, “sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip.”

The minister chuckled, “I know what you mean. It’s the same in my business.”

One Liner
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Thought for the day
Our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him. 2 Corinthians 3:18b (Msg)

Discipleship is the process of conforming to Christ . Christlikeness is your eventual destination, but your journey will last a lifetime. This journey involves believing (through worship), belonging (through fellowship), and becoming (through discipleship).

“Math Symbols”
While reviewing math symbols with my second-grade pupils, I drew a greater-than ( > ) and a less-than sign ( < ) on the chalkboard and asked, “Does anyone remember what these mean?”

A few moments passed, and then a boy confidently raised his hand. “One means fast-forward,” he exclaimed, “and the other means rewind!”

One Liner
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

Thought for the day
“Our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.” (2 Corinthians 3:18b, Msg)

Real maturity is never the result of a single experience, no matter how powerful or moving. Growth is gradual. Crawl, walk, run …..

“Restaurant Line”

A well-put together, elderly gentleman left his Maserati Gran Turismo with the valet, entered the restaurant and asked to be seated at a table away from a lovely, well-dressed woman who appeared to be in her well-kept eighties.

He ordered a drink and took a sip. He then calmly turned his head in her direction, nodded politely as their eyes met, and asked, “So tell me, sweetheart, do I come here often?”

One Liner
In just two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.

Thought for the day
We are not our own bosses to live or die as we ourselves might choose. Living or dying we follow the Lord. Either way we are his. Romans 14:7-8 (LB)

Surrender doesn’t weaken you, it strengthens you. When you are surrendered to God, you don’t have to fear or surrender to anything or anyone else. The founder of the Salvation Army, William Booth, once said, “The greatness of a man’s power is the measure of his surrender.”

When the U.S. Mint reissued two-dollar bills, I thought they might someday become collectors’ items. I went to the bank and picked up a hundred, serially numbered and still in their original band. On my next trip to my parents’ house, I gave the $200 to my mother and said, “Take good care of these. They might be worth something someday.”

Several months later I asked Mom if she was keeping the two-dollar bills safe. “Oh, yes!” she replied. “I deposited them in the bank the day after you left.”

One Liner
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

Thought for the day 
You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while, “He who is coming will come and will not delay.” Hebrews 10:36-37 (NIV)

If you’re discouraged because of God’s delay in answering your prayers, understand the delay is NOT a denial. Just because the answer or the miracle hasn’t come – yet – that doesn’t mean God isn’t going to answer or that he’s forgotten you or that he doesn’t care about you. It simply means “not yet!”

A doctor goes to the mental hospital to visit his patients. In one room, he sees a man walking around, dragging a toothbrush on a leash. The doctor asks the man: “What are you doing, walking the dog?”

The man replies: “I’m just dragging my toothbrush on a leash.”

The doctor leaves the room amazed, thinking how many normal people end up in mental institutions… And the man says to his toothbrush: “Ha, Fifi, we sure fooled him!”

One Liner
“Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.”

Thought for the day 
“If you think you are too important to help someone in need, you are only fooling yourself. You are really a nobody” (Galatians 6:3 NLT).

The size of the task is irrelevant. The only issue is, does it need to be done?

You will never arrive at the state in life where you’re too important to help with menial tasks. God will never exempt you from the mundane. It’s a vital part of your character curriculum.

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by a traffic cop. “What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?” asks the officer.

“I’m a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act.”

“Oh yeah?” says the doubtful cop. “Lets see you do it.”

The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully. A couple driving by slows down to watch.

“Wow,” says the driver to his wife. “I’m glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they’re giving now!”

One Liner
An atheist complained that Christians and Jews had a long list of holidays but people like him had no special day for the celebration of their philosophy. A Christian heard his complaint and asked if he had considered April 1.

Thought for the day
“Unless you are faithful in small matters, you won’t be faithful in large ones. If you cheat even a little, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.” Luke 16:10 (NLT)

Jesus specialized in menial tasks that everyone else tried to avoid: washing feet, helping children, fixing breakfast, and serving lepers. Nothing was beneath him, because he came to serve. It wasn’t in spite of his greatness that he did these things, but because of it, and he expects us to follow his example

Mr. Lee was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

“I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.”

When Mr. Lee returned, he shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”

Mr. Lee nodded. “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day.”

“From hunger, you mean?” asked the doctor.

Replied Mr. Lee, “No, from skipping.”

One Liner
I tried working in a wheel factory, but I got too tired.

Thought for the day
“Never avenge yourselves. Leave that to God, for he has said that he will repay those who deserve it” Romans 12:19a

The heart of real forgiveness is relinquishing your right to get even.

A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings. They dialed the number and then sang “Happy Birthday” to him.

But when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number. “Don’t let it bother you,” said a strange but amused voice. “You folks need all the practice you can get.”

One Liner
I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.

Thought for the day
“I am sure that God who began the good work within you will keep right on helping you grow in His grace until His task within you is finally finished on that day when Jesus Christ returns” (Philippians 1:6 LB).

It takes years for us to grow to adulthood, and it takes a full season for fruit to mature and ripen. The same is true for the fruit of the Spirit. The development of Christlike character cannot be rushed. Spiritual growth, like physical growth, takes time.

Nights in England are coal black, making parachute jumps difficult and dangerous. So we attach small lights called chemlites to our jumpsuits to make ourselves visible to the rest of our team. Late one night, lost after a practice jump, we knocked on the door of a small cottage. When a woman answered, the sight of five men festooned in glowing chemlites greeted her.

“Excuse me,” I said. “Can you tell me where we are?”

In a thick English accent, the woman replied, “Earth!”

One Liner
“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the drive before it has stopped snowing.”

Thought for the day
“Those hired at five o’clock came up and were each given a dollar. When those who were hired first saw that, they assumed they would get far more” (Matthew 20:9-10 The Message).

The key to overcoming envy is to stop comparing yourself to others.

I tell you, men drivers are a hazard to traffic. Driving to work this morning on Highway 11 from Albert Street, I looked over to my left and there’s this man in a Mustang doing 95 miles per hour with his face up next to his rear view mirror…. shaving!!!

I looked away for a couple of seconds and when I looked back, he’s halfway over in my lane.

It scared me so bad I almost dropped my eye liner pencil in my coffee.

One Liner
“There is only one pretty child in the world… and every mother has it.”
~Chinese Proverb.

Thought for the day
It is he who saved us and chose us for his holy work not because we deserved it but because that was his plan. 2 Timothy 1:9 (LB)

You were saved ti serve God.  You’re not saved by service, but you are saved for service. In God’s kingdom, you have a place, a purpose, a role, and a function to fulfill. This gives your life great significance and value.