Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the buds on my father’s young peach tree for two years in a row. This spring Dad was ready. He replanted the sapling in a large box, mounted it on wheels, and put the tree in the garage whenever the temperature dropped.

One warm April day Dad was wheeling the tree out into the yard, and stopped to give our dog a drink from the garden hose.

A neighbor watched the scene with amusement.

“Frank,” he finally commented, “you’re the only man I know who walks his tree and waters his dog!”

One LINER
“A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.”

Thought for the day
“Forgive us the wrongs we have done, as we forgive the wrongs that others have done to us” (Matthew 6:12 TEV).

There is no reason in the world you have to live with guilt. God has given us a way to get rid of guilt. It’s called confession. God promises that when we confess, He forgives us instantly, totally, completely, freely, and continuously

At breakfast one day, a young wife eagerly waited for her husband to comment on her first attempt at homemade cinnamon rolls.

After several minutes with no reaction, she asked, “If I baked these commercially, how much do you think I could get for one of them?”

Without looking up from his paper her husband replied, “About 10 years.”

One LINER
Don’t insult the alligator till after you cross the river.

Thought for the day 
There are three things that will endure – faith, hope, and love – and the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13 (NLT)

The most important lesson God wants us to learn on earth is how to love.  They will know we are His disciples IF we live one another!

One day my mother was out and my dad was looking after me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from a bad cold. Someone had given me a little tea set as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

Dad was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of “tea,” which was just water.  After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such good tea, my mom came home.

Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea. (“It’s just the cutest thing!”) My mom waited and sure enough, I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watched him drink it, then said (as only a mother would)…”Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is from the toilet?”

One LINER
Don’t learn safety rules simply by accident.

Thought for the day
If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin, and do not stay angry all day. Don’t give the Devil a chance. Ephesians 4:26-27 (GNT)

When conflict comes up, (and it will!!) deal with it head on and quickly. Don’t let it fester. It’s a big mistake to think, “Let’s ignore it and hope it will go away.

DEFINITION OF OUTDOOR BARBECUING

When a man volunteers to do barbecue cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion:

1) The woman goes to the store.

2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.

3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill.

4) The man places the meat on the grill.

5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.

6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.

7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.

8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.

9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed “her night off.” And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women.

One LINER
Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?

Thought for the day
“I hope you will be patient with me ….” (2 Corinthians 11:1a, NLT)

God is very patient and His mercy endures for ever!

At breakfast one day, a young wife eagerly waited for her husband to comment on her first attempt at homemade cinnamon rolls.

After several minutes with no reaction, she asked, “If I baked these commercially, how much do you think I could get for one of them?”

Without looking up from his paper her husband replied, “About 10 years.”

One LINER
Don’t insult the alligator till after you cross the river.

Thought for the day 
There are three things that will endure – faith, hope, and love – and the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13 (NLT)

The most important lesson God wants us to learn on earth is how to love.  They will know we are His disciples IF we live one another!

THE BEST WAY TO PRAY

A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby.

“Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray,” the priest said.

“No,” said the minister.  “I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven.”

“You’re both wrong,” the guru said.  “The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor.”

The repairman could contain himself no longer: “Hey, fellas,” he interrupted. “The best prayin’ I ever did was when I was hangin’ upside down from a telephone pole.”

One LINER
Women who behave rarely make history.

Thought for the day 
So be careful how you live, not as fools but as those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity for doing good in these evil days. Don’t act thoughtlessly, but try to understand what the Lord wants you to do. Ephesians 5:15-17 (NLT)

We all have the same amount of time – 168 hours a week. The only question is, “How am I investing it?”

An Irishman, by the name of O’Malley proposed to his girl on St. Patrick’s Day.  He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond.  The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweller.  He took one look at it and saw it wasn’t real.

The young lass on learning it wasn’t real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.

‘It was in honour of St. Patrick’s Day, ‘he smiled.

‘I gave you a sham rock.’

One Liner
‘I hear O’Brien died,’ said Pat. ‘Was he ill long?’
’No,’ said Mick. ‘He died in the best of health.’

Thought for the day
And all of you must put on the apron of humility, to serve one another; for the scripture says, “God resists the proud, but shows favor to the humble.” 1 Peter 5:5 (TEV)

A real servant maintains a low profile. Servants don’t promote or call attention to themselves.

The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner.  While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having.

“Goat,” the little boy replied.

“Goat?” replied the startled man of the cloth, “Are you sure about that?”

“Yep,” said the youngster.  “I heard Dad say to Mom, ‘Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.'”

One LINER
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but he turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

Thought for the day 
Whoever wants to be great must become a servant. Mark 10:43 (MSG)

The world defines greatness in terms of power, possessions, prestige, and position. If you can demand service from others, you’ve arrived. In our self-serving culture with its me-first mentality, acting like a servant is not a popular concept.

We serve God by serving others.

“Cinnamon Rolls”

At breakfast one day, I eagerly waited for my husband to comment on my first attempt at homemade cinnamon rolls.

After several minutes with no reaction, I asked, “If I baked these commercially, how much do you think I could get for one of them?”

Without looking up from his paper my husband replied, “About 10 years.”

One LINER  
“Men take only their needs into consideration, never their abilities.”
– Napoleon Bonaparte

Thought for the day
They said to the woman, “We no longer believe just because of what you said; now we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this man really is the Savior of the world.” John 4:42

Won’t believe for yourself until you experience God for yourself

Eggs-itement

One day, my five-year-old daughter, Tori, helped me put away groceries. She didn’t know I’d purchased brown eggs instead of the usual white. When Tori opened the carton, her eyes widened in amazement and she exclaimed, “Look, Mommy, whole wheat eggs!”  

One LINER
Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass…it’s about learning to dance in the rain.

Thought for the day
“He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40:3

Our own redemption puts a new song in our mouths.  Out of hearts of gratitude and love for God, we share our witness.