A lady noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.

Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, “I don’t think that’s going to help.”

“Sure it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

One Liner
Have you noticed? All those instruments that are seeking intelligent life in the universe — telescopes, radio antennas, cameras, detectors — they’re all pointed away from Earth.

Thought for the day
“God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners”  Romans 5:8 NLT.

Everything that Jesus did for you, he did out of love. The Bible says that God made you to love you. The only reason you’re alive is because you were made to be loved by God.

A new prisoner is placed in his cell. Before long it is time for “lights out” and the cellblock becomes dark and nearly silent.

Eventually a voice from the darkness cries out: “Twenty-two!” and everyone breaks out into raucous laughter. A while later another voice calls out “Forty-one!” and again the entire cellblock hoots and roars.
The new prisoner asks the guy in the next cell: “What’s going on?”

The guy says: “We’ve been here so long, we all know each other’s jokes.  So we assigned numbers to them, and when we want to tell a joke we just use the number.”

The new prisoner decides to give it a try. He calls out: “Eighteen!”

No response whatsoever … not even a snicker.

The guy in the next cell says: “Some people just don’t know how to tell a joke.”

One Liner
Can a person be chalant?

Thought for the day
“There is no condemnation now for those who live in union with Christ Jesus” Romans 8:1 TEV

God knows that failure is part of life. He doesn’t expect us to be perfect. He’s not surprised when we mess up. In fact, he sent Jesus to clean up our mess. He didn’t send him to point an accusing finger.

A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications he waited anxiously for the outcome.

The employer read all his applications and said, “We have an opening for people like you.”

“Oh, great,” the man said, “What is it?”

“It’s called the door.”

One Liner
“Nothing is impossible”? Try slamming a revolving door.

Thoughts for the day
“The things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others” (2 Timothy 2:2 NIV).

If you want the special blessing of God on your life, you need to learn from other believers who are more mature than you, and you need to mentor believers who are younger than you.

A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence, a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asks, “Reverend, you’re a man of God, can’t you do something about this storm?”

To which he replies, “Sorry ma’am, I’m in sales, not management.”

One Liner
He’s been pressing 40 so long, it’s pleated.

Thought for the day
Mindful breathing is a reminder that your need for intimacy with God is like your need to breathe in air. King David sang, “I live and breathe God” (Psalm 34:2).

Growing up as a kid, I learned all about capitalism through the board game Monopoly. I mean, what better way to teach a young mind the way our economy functions. I loved this game and still do.

Only now, as an adult I have some questions that remain unanswered.

For instance, if I have all this money and own all this real estate…why am I still driving around in a thimble?

One Liner
Contents may have settled out of court.

Thought for the day
When you’re lonely, where is God? He’s where he has always been: right beside you. He is with you even if you don’t feel it. The Bible says over and over that if you have a relationship with Christ, God is with you all the time. He says, “I am with you always, to the very end of the age” Matthew 28:20 NIV. He’s always with you. You’re never really fully alone.

His beloved old white convertible was in deplorable shape, but he refused to
get rid of it. So when the old junker was stolen from his office parking
lot, his family was delighted.

Nonetheless, they called the police and filed an insurance claim.

Their relief was short-lived, within an hour an officer was on the phone.
“We found the car less than a mile away,” he said, trying to restrain
himself. “It had a note on it that read, ‘Thanks anyway, we’d rather walk.'”

One Liner
Boldly going nowhere.

Thought for the day
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29 NIV).

God wants us to use our words to build others up.