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Monthly Archives: September 2017
Humor – September 22
Pardon me, lady,” said the man trying to get back to his seat in the darkened movie theater, “but did I step on your toes a few minutes ago?”
“You certainly did!” said the woman in the aisle seat.
“Good, then I’m in the right row,” the man said as he went back to his seat.
One Liner
What’s the difference between an optimist and a pessimist? An Optimist only wears a belt. A Pessimist wears a belt, suspenders, and carries safety pins.
Thought for the day
“[God] comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others . . . When we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer” 2 Corinthians 1:4a, 6
This is called redemptive suffering. Redemptive suffering is when you go through a problem or a pain for the benefit of others.
This is what Jesus did. When Jesus died on the cross, he didn’t deserve to die. He went through that pain for your benefit so that you can be saved and go to Heaven.
Humor – September 21
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office.
“Is it true,” she wanted to know, “that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?”
“Yes, I’m afraid so,” the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, “I’m wondering, then, just how serious is my condition, because this prescription is marked 鮮O REFILLS.'”
One Liner
What cheese is made backwards? Edam
Thought for the day
Psalm 37:7 says, “Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act”
God wants you to wait patiently for him to answer your prayer.
Humor – September 20
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid, stand up!”
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?”
“No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”
One Liner
A pessimist is a person who looks both way before crossing a one-way street.
Thought for the day
“Whoever looks intently into the perfect law . . . and continues in it — not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it — they will be blessed in what they do” James 1:25
Read your Bible: “Whoever looks intently . . .”
Review the Bible: “. . . continues in it . . .”
Remember the Bible: “. . . not forgetting what they have heard . . .”
Respond to the Bible: “. . . but doing it . . .”
You don’t want to be a spiritual baby anymore. It’s time to grow up and live the blessed life you’re meant to live. Hiding God’s Word in your heart is an important way to start.
Humor – September 19
put some turnips, his least-favorite vegetable, on my eleven-year-old son’s dinner plate and instructed him to eat everything. He cleaned his plate, except for the turnip.
I pointed out to him that if he’d eaten it earlier, he wouldn’t have been left with its taste in his mouth at the end of the meal.
Thoughtfully, he replied, “I guess I was just trying to delay the inedible.”
One Liner
Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.
Thought for the day
“Job stood up, tore his robe in grief, and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground and worshiped” (Job 1:20 GW).
Job expressed his pain to God. When you have a major loss in your life, the first thing you need to do is tell God exactly how you feel.
Humor – September 18
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
“But officer.” the man began, “I can explain!”
“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back…”
“But officer, I just wanted to say….”
“And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”
“Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”
One Liner
Misers aren’t much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.
Thought for the day
“It is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18b NIV).
What you often call loneliness is really homesickness for God. You’ve just never recognized it. You were made to have a personal, intimate relationship with Jesus Christ, a relationship that God is dying to have with you.
Proverbs 27:2
