Many years ago, my father was visiting America, from Europe, for the very first time.
    He said he wanted to go with me to the supermarket, so I invited him along.
    As he went up & down the aisles with me, at the local Giant Food Store, he constantly asked me questions about products he saw.
    “Vas diss?? Powdered orange juice??” asked my dad (pointing at Tang).
    I said, “Yeh, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh orange juice.”
    A few minutes later, in a different aisle, dad blurted out, “Und vas dis?? Powdered milk?” (pointing at a box of Carnation).
    I said, “Yeah, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh milk!”
    A few minutes later, in a different aisle, my dad yelled out, “Und give a look here!! Baby Powder!! Vat a country, vat a country!”

One Liner
Seen on a plumber’s truck: “We repair what your husband fixed. – Don’t sleep with a drip.”

Thought for the day
“Understanding your word brings light to the minds of ordinary people” (Psalm 119:130 CEV).

God wants to give light — his light — to every person. He wants to light up our minds with the truth of who he is and his next step for our lives.

“Morning Sickness”

Sarah dropped in on her sister Molly and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty cup of coffee, her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room.

“What’s wrong Molly?” she asked.

Molly told her that she had morning sickness.

Surprised, Sarah said, “Hurray! I didn’t even know you were pregnant!”

“I’m not,” the harried middle-aged mother replied.

“I’m just sick of mornings.”

One Liner
Seen on an Electrician’s truck: “Let us remove your shorts.”

Thought for the day
Psalm 119:114: “You’re my place of quiet retreat; I wait for your Word to renew me” (MSG).

If you’re discouraged and have lost hope, then that tells me one thing about your life without ever meeting you: You’re not spending time in God’s Word. If you were, you wouldn’t be discouraged. The more you read God’s Word when you’re down, the more he lifts you up.

“It Pays to Read Labels”

I finally figured out why I am so “full-figured”!

As I was conditioning my hair in the shower this morning, I took time to read my shampoo bottle. I am in shock! The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my entire body says “for extra volume and body”! Seriously, why have I not noticed this before?

Tomorrow I am going to start using “Dawn” dish soap! It says right on the bottle, “dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove”.

It pays to read the warning labels my friends.

One Liner
“People are forever calling me a hypochondriac, and, let me tell you, that makes me sick”

Thought for the day
Romans 15:4, “For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope” (NIV).

Everything in Scripture is written for our encouragement. That’s a big statement — but it’s true! Even the tough parts of God’s Word are there to ultimately encourage our lives in the right direction.

“One Carton and Six Eggs”

This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males:

A wife asks her husband, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6.”

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, “Why on earth did you buy 6 cartons of milk?”

He replied, “They had eggs.”

One Liner
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” ~ Mark Twain

Thought for the day
“For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope” (Romans 15:4 NIV).

Are you down in the dumps? Do you need a mood elevator?

Put down the piece of chocolate cake. Don’t have a pity party. Pick up your Bible instead.

A friend of mine joined the Navy and soon after had to attend a wedding.  He asked an officer for a pass and was told he had to be back by 7 p.m. Sunday.

“You don’t understand, sir,” my friend said.  “I’m in the wedding.”

“No, YOU don’t understand,” the officer replied.  “You’re in the Navy.”

One Liner
Home is where you hang your @

Thought for the day
Pray that your children will bring others to Christ regularly: “I pray not only for them, but also for those who believe in me because of their message” (John 17:20 GNT).

“Loose Fitting Clothing”

April teaches many aerobic classes. She told a lady who was looking to sign up for the class to just wear loose fitting clothing to the class.

“Honey,” the lady replied, “if I had any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn’t be signing up for an exercise class.”

One Liner
“The police have stopped my husband so many times for speeding, they decided to just give him a season ticket.”

Thought for the day
Pray that your children will experience fellowship personally: “My prayer . . . is that they will be of one heart and mind, just as you and I are, Father . . . and the world will believe you sent me” (John 17:21 TLB).