The bank manager noticed the new clerk was not very good at counting money and adding up figures.

“Where did you get your finance education?” he asked.

“Yale,” replied the lad.

“Oh, that’s quite impressive. And what’s your name?” barked the manager.

“Yim Yohnston,” he replied.

One Liner
Have you ever noticed…. Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

Thought for the day
Becoming like Christ is a long, slow process of growth. Spiritual maturity is neither instant nor automatic; it is a gradual, progressive development that will take the rest of your life.

Referring to this process, Paul said, “This will continue until we are … mature, just as Christ is, and we will be completely like him” (Ephesians 4:13 CEV).

If your wife doesn’t feel well, gentlemen, do what I do to speed her recovery … offer to help with the housework. If you don’t think there’s such a thing as a miracle recovery, you ought to see my wife get well again every time I start to vacuum the windows.

One Liner
“No one is useless to God. No one.” – Max Lucado

Thought for the day
I have given them Your Word … John 17:14 (NIV)

You will spare your kids a lot of headaches, heartaches, and heartbreaks if you teach them to rely on God’s Word as the sole authority for their lives

Dr. Mike Wilson asks his patient, “Which do you want first, the good news or the bad news?”

The patient replies, “Give me the good news.”

Dr. Wilson says, “You’re about to have a disease named after you.”

One Liner
“My husband says I never listen to him; at least I think that’s what he said.”

Thought for the day
We can pray that our children will LIVE FOR CHRIST joyfully: “I pray these things while I’m still in the world so that they will have the same joy that I have” (John 17:13, GW).

Tribute to March Madness!! 

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office.

“Is it true,” she wanted to know, “that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?”

“Yes, I’m afraid so,” the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, “I’m wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’!”

One Liner
Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration, and 2% attention to detail.

Thought for the day
“God has not changed and His laws have not changed. He is still a God of love and mercy. But He is also a God of righteousness and judgment. Any individual or nation which ignores His moral and spiritual laws will ultimately face His judgment.” – Billy Graham

The English test had only one question: “Write an essay on ‘The Most Beautiful Thing I Ever Saw.'”

One of the students finished his essay in less than a minute. It read in its entirety: “The most beautiful thing I ever saw was just too beautiful for words.”

He got the only A in the class.

One Liner
What do we want?

PROCRASTINATION!

When do we want it?

Next week!

Thought for the day
We can pray that our children will BRING OTHERS TO CHRIST regularly: “I pray not only for them, but also for those who will believe in Me because of their message” (John 17:20, TEV).

Although we were being married in New Hampshire, I wanted to add a touch of my home state, Kansas, to the wedding. My fiancee, explaining this to a friend, said that we were planning to have wheat rather than rice thrown after the ceremony.

Our friend thought for a moment. Then he said solemnly, “It’s a good thing she’s not from Idaho.”

[For those outside the US, Idaho is known for its potatoes…rimshot!]

One Liner
A long-haul trucker offered this tip for staying awake on the road: “Put a $100 bill in your left hand and hold it out the window.”

Thought for the day
If God gives a man wealth and property … he should be grateful and enjoy what he has … it is a gift from God. Ecclesiastes 5:19 (GN)

Learning to be content requires that you stop any “when and then” thinking –

“When I am ___________, then I’ll be happy.”

“When I have ___________, then I’ll be happy.”

(You fill in the blanks)