I was at the drug store to pick up my prescription. The line wasn’t clearly formed, and there was an old man with a cane nearby me. It was unclear as to who was next.

When we got to the front of the line, the man gestured to me and said, “After you.”

I smiled at him and said, “No, please, after you. I have all day.”

Then he said, “No. You go ahead. My doctor says I have at least six months.”

One Liner
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

Thought for the day
The Bible says in Colossians 3:16, “Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly” (NIV). Paul is telling us to let the Bible take up residence in our lives in a rich, profound, and life-giving way.

In an upscale pet-supply store, a customer wanted to buy a red sweater for her dog. The clerk suggested that she bring her dog in for a proper fit.

“I can’t do that!” the lady said. “The sweater is a surprise!”

One Liner
“How strange that Nature does not knock, and yet does not intrude!”
~ Emily Dickinson

Thought for the day
“Faith like Job’s cannot be shaken because it is the result of having been shaken.” – Abraham Heschel

Lady Astor once said to Winston Churchill at a party, “Sir, if you were my husband, I would put poison in your tea.” To which Churchill retorted, “And Madame, if you were my wife, I would drink it!”

One Liner
Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things that go wrong that one can’t blame on the government.

Thought for the day
“Be quick to listen, slow to speak …” James 1:19a

Give it your full attention. Be alert. Don’t miss it. “… slow to speak …” When I’m talking, I’m not listening. God gave us two ears and one mouth so we ought to listen twice as much as we talk. Many of our problems are caused because we’re quick to speak rather than being quick to listen. Be careful in your attitude. Be ready. Be intent. Be ready to receive God’s word. Be careful.

A man hasn’t been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results.
“I’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says. “You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.”
“Oh, that’s terrible!” says the man.
“How long have I got?”
“Ten,” the doctor says sadly.
“Ten?” the man asks. “Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!”
“Nine…”

One Liner
“I’m going to win,” said Bette.

Thought for the day
Wise people live in wealth and luxury, but stupid people spend their money as fast as they get it. Proverbs 21:20 (TEV)

There is a question you can ask yourself that will help you save more money: “Do I really need this?”

WIFE’S DIARY:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much.

I asked him what was wrong; He said, “Nothing…” I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say, “I love you, too.”

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

HUSBAND’S DIARY:

A two-foot putt … WHO misses a stupid two-foot putt!

One Liner
The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it’s just sort of a tired feeling.

Thought for the day
“If you … know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7:11 NIV)

God is the source of everything. Everything you see in the world and everything you can’t see in the world and in the universe, God made. He’s the source of every good thing in the universe.

Kathy walks into the kitchen and sees Rachel with the whole box of animal crackers spread out on the counter top.

Kathy: “Why did you pour out the whole box?”

Rachel: “The box says, ‘Do not eat if the seal is broken.’ I’m looking for the seal.”

One Liner
In theory, everything works.

Thought for the day
“We’re depending on God; he’s everything we need. What’s more, our hearts brim with joy since we’ve taken for our own his holy name. Love us, God, with all you’ve got — that’s what we’re depending on.” (Psalm 33:20-22 MSG)

Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation.

Two brothers, both farmers, were talking on the phone.

One asks the other how bad the drought.

The other replied, “Well it’s got so bad they’ve closed two lanes at the local swimming pool.”

One Liner
“People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.”

Thought for the day
“From him the whole body … grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.” Ephesians 4:16 (NIV)

A church needs more than just a pastor or a worship leader. Whether it’s a new church or one that’s been around for years, it takes all kinds of people to grow a church.